[somebody]

Hello everyone... been a long time since I have posted here. Really don't know how to put it, today I just want to run as far from here as I can get and never look back. I have been gone for 5 days camping and I hate to camp. I got home and just yelled at my son for no reason... just because he was there. When I wasn't yelling at him all I have been doing is crying. Thoughts keep racing in my mind and I just can't stop them... and the thoughts arn't good either.
This all started last week when I went to see my psychiatrist and she is refusing to perscribe my meds more then a week at a time. It really is a pain because I live 40 miles from the pharmacy and I wouldn't have to go to town if it wasn't for my meds this week. My therapist is on vacation and I don't see him till next week now... The good thing is that next month I will have a new therapist... we just don't get along. I just don't know how to deal with my feelings right now and all the anger I am feeling inside...I have looked at my meds a few times today... the thought is there but I have been fighting the temptation...I just don't want to end up back in the hospital again this month...May and June and 8 ECT sessions really has been enought I think...I just don't know how to control what is going on in my mind... Just needed to get it out and hope that it will help a little...Maybe tomorrow I will go and talk to a therapist that is on call...that might help too... Thanks for allowing me to get some of this out of my mind and out...You all are so wonderful...again THANK YOU ALL...

[ghost]

I hope tomorrow is a better day, too. I think talking to a therapist on call is a great idea, and a step in the right direction. It sounds like you've been through a lot lately.

Tomorrow is a fresh start. I hope it's a better one than today was.

ghost

---------
....Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.

[somebody]

Thanks Ghost...
I am looking forward to a fresh start of a new day...
Thanks again
Somebody

[Wants2Fly]

I hope you feel better tomorrow!

Luv n hugs

[SeptemberMorn]

There you are! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Somebody!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I've been worried about you! Guess I had reason, eh?

I'm so sorry it's been so tough on you lately. Does the hospital you stayed at have partial day programs? I think it would be a great idea if you attended one. Obviously you aren't much better than when you went in. If for nothing else, do it to protect yourself. My heart goes out to you. I've been in the same place you're in. Know that I'm here for you.




<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[Peanut61]

We've missed you, (((((((((((((Somebody))))))))))))))...; glad you are back!

Fondly, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[Fuzzybear]

I am glad you are back somebody, I was worried. You have been missed! ((((((((((((((((((somebody))))))))))))))))))

Take care,
Fuzzy xx

[somebody]

Thank you Wants2Fly, September morn, Peanut, and Fuzzybear....
I don't know about day plans here, I haven't heard of it before. They did want me to go into the office today so that they could have taken me to the hospital today because I was refusing to go to the hospital. Instead I went for a ride to see my daughter... she has my almost 2 year old grandson and my two week old grand daughter... They can change my moods so very fast... I get to spend Thursday afternoon with them too... I am so excited about it. Wish I could share their pictures with you... they are both so beautiful. I won't be calling into the office anymore this weekend but I get to see my therapist on Monday morning...just who he wants to see his first day back...NOT!
Thank you all for caring...I will try to stay around, now that the memory is back a little better... I know where the best places on the net are...well some of them and it is the best if you ask me... You all take care...(((((((HUGS))))))
Somebody

[krzyk101]

Hello, Somebody!

I hope you are feeling better today. I know how difficult it can be with Med restictions, hang in there.

I am glad to hear that you went to see your children and that it helps raise your mood.

Sounds like you are doing what you need to do to stay out of the Hospital, that is great. Have the ECT's helped? They once offered them to me, and I was too scared to go through with it. I do hope that they helped you.

I wish you a good day and a better tomorrow, -Chris

______________
~KRIS~

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

[somebody]

Chris, thanks...I was lucky yesterday and got to spend all day with my daughter and my grandchildren again... it was a wonderful day just playing with my grandson that is 20 months old and my granddaughter that is 2 weeks old normally she don't let anyone but Mom hold her and I was able to hold her almost the whole time... it was wonderful...having them around my mind thinks of nothing else.

As for ECT...the first time I had 5 sessions about 2 years ago... they went fine... I did it as an out patient and it helped for almost the whole 2 years.... this last time I had 8 sessions and I had lost my memory, I didn't even know my own phone number... I guess I got really light headed and ended up in the ER and passed out on them there and they did a cat scan... I got the bill and had to call my niece who had been taking care of me at that time and ask about it...I was suppose to have 10 sessions but my family only allowed 8 because of how bad I had gotten. After a while things got better but still after a few months there are things I don't remember. I found my suicide note and all the bad memories came rushing back and I ended up back in the hospital. I also see a change in my attitude...I am more open and sometimes say the things I am thinking and normally wouldn't have said and just held it all in. The other day I was talking to a crisis therapist and all she wanted was for me to check into the ER... I told her no way... I went to see my grandchildren and daughter instead... It was a two hour drive but well worth it and then she told me I got to spend time with them yesterday because they were coming to town here for a doctors appointment.

As long as you have someone looking out for your well being while having ECT it isn't a bad thing to have. I was still really scared while having them but I did get through it just fine. I think not right now but in a few years if I needed it again I would go with it but only 5-6 times again instead of them trying 10 times. I think the 8-10 times were a little to much.

[wisewoman]

Hey somebody, keep finding those beautiful distractions. Love to hold your grandbabies. They remind us of the wonder and magic.

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Somebody}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Just dropped by to give you a hug hoping that you are feeling better. If not, maybe the hug will help a little.





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[jamesie]

hey!
sending you big cuddles and cutches!
i've found they make a big difference!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[krzyk101]

Hi, Somebody

Glad that you have your family to 'be there' for you. Sounds like they are very supportive with you. It truely can make all the difference in the world. I am glad they are accepting and stood by your side, seeing you at the lowest of illness and the highest points. All the while being there.

I think it is really good that they intervened on your behalf after loosing your memory and not having allowed the remainder of the ECT's. I myself have alot of memory loss at a young age, I think it is from all of the Thorazine in the early 90's. Wish you a good weekend, and quality time with your family.-Take care - Chris

______________
~KRIS~

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Somebody}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} How are you doing today, Hun? I haven't seen much of you since this post. Know that I'm thinking about you and missing you... and maybe worrying a little, but just tiny bit... NOT! Let me know how you are, ok?





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[somebody]

I would like to thank everyone for your support and hugs... You all are so very thoughtful... Sorry I haven't been online much, I pretty much am keeping to myself lately I really have been in a really bad mood and best if I just keep to mysrlf when I'm like that. Never know what will come out of my mouth when I'm in that mood. Bad part is I don't even know why I feel this way...

Just wanted to thank you all again...
Take care (((((HUGS TO ALL)))
Tammy