[RebbieDoll]

i have to figure out why im miserable. this is assigned by my best friend, who is essentially the reason im miserable. i cant very well tell her that. so i make a list of other reasons:
*no one actually wants to be around me. oh sure, sometimes it's fine, but when that's over they just get sick of me; im in the way
*ugliness. enough said
*singleness and reasons for singleness [see above]
*fear
*im not wanted
*what's the point anyway
[omfg this is very seriously pissing me off]
*so you say i push people away? no, i just cant open up; other people have to start: i can initiate NOTHING. so maybe it comes across as pushing people away. whatever, i cant reach out. i cant

%#@&#!. i cant think of anything

[ECHOES]

Your friend isn't the reason you are miserable. You have a good start at getting it figured out. Your perceptions of being not wanted are created in your mind; I think you are the one saying this, not others. This and feeling comfortable opening up are things that can be helped with psychotherapy, and particularly psychodynamic psychotherapy which is about 'being' rather than 'doing'.

It is hard to risk opening up when you're convinced others dont want you around or will judge or abandon you for who you are. It does make a person miserable to not be able to just Be. To be who we are with ease and comfort. You can , with help learn to open up and take initiative. You did just that by posting your thoughts here!

You have good insight and it sounds like you want to feel better. That's a great start!

[Kiya]

i'd say, if you feel "not wanted" by them then they're losers and you can dump them and get some better friends.

[Cyran0]

Ok, so I don't want to actually start working this morning so instead I took some time to investigate your problem (thanks for the distraction, by the way). I felt compelled to do this because you seem so much like me as a teen.

I followed the link to your myspace page and here's my thoughts:

1. It looks like you have lots of friends and based on the comments posted, you know lots of these people in real life. And they seem to really dig you. So it sounds like you feel alone in a crowd. It's important to realize that this isn't necessarily real, it's just how our moods color our reality.

2. You have lots of pictures posted. Enough that I can say, you are absolutely beautiful. Now, I'm 32 and you're much younger than that so I feel odd saying this but it's true, you're beautiful. Many people I know wish they looked like you. And actually, you look like a lot of the girls I dated when I was young. Now for the all important "but" statement. I've always felt like I'm repulsive, like I'm an alien or a mutant of some kind. Again, not reality, just feelings. If you're seeing a therapist, this is a great topic of conversation.

3. Fear. And by that I assume you're not talking about the band fronted by Lee Ving. Since you didn't elaborate, I'm thinking something along the lines of a general anxiety problem? If so, see therapist.

4. What's the point? You deserve to be happy and to make healthy choices.

5. Ooops, I missed single. While being single sucks, don't worry, it wont last.

6. You push people away? Maybe. I mean, you dress like a rebel (kudos, by the way) and with that comes a certain moodiness and attitude, I would assume. But I have a feeling you're talking about something a little deeper than that. You, maybe, crave a relationship deeper than the ones currently in your life. If that's the case, I'd say be patient. When the right people come along, opening up will just happen. If that proves not to be the case, a therapist can help you with that.

So, those are my thoughts and they are heavily colored by my memories of being a punk rock teen. I hope they are useful to you but if not, ignore them. They are one guys opinions and I don't really know you.

Good luck!

Cyran0

[RebbieDoll]

thank you everybody. cyran0, that was pretty damn close to what i think.

[Cyran0]

Cool. I hope it was helpful then. And I love the new pic.

Cyran0

[stefano]

Hello!
not being able to open with people has been my problem during my life. I have lost MANY chances to live, and let me drop the regret about the past...
But in the last few years I was able to work something out, and now I can speak to people more easily, somebody even considered me "cool". NOt really the soul of the party, but I'm telling you what was the way to get some improvement. I did it in small steps. First I realized that I coudn't say something, then I would elaborate the phrase, and I was ready to try next time... then I thought about what it felt like, what further step I could take...

Well, people are different, and what worked for me may not work for you. ANyway, I hope to be useful. Let me tell you that I used to see a T regularly, so that will be the right choice for you too.

And last, let me say that all your "reasons to be miserable" are probably due to your pessimist view of the world, not reality. I judge this from your statement of being UGLY...
Now, I am even older than Cyran0 (36) so I suppose I should be even more odd saying this... But that is my verdict: you are PRETTY, even frowning like that!

Seriously, the best of luck!

[Perna]

Brilliant research Cyran0!

Kandi, sounds like you're miserable because you don't have the words to talk to others so use the "miserable" as a backup "excuse". I use to do that when I was thoroughly depressed and alone, I knew I needed help so I would call a suicide help line, knowing they'd "do" something about telling me what to do to get help since I couldn't figure it out yourself.

Looks like you have done the misery thing with your best friend so she's had you post here :-) That works fine but I'd start countering some of your negative feelings with positive self talk along the lines Cyran0 has pointed out and figure out some way to include yourself in conversations. If you're in a group "planning" to go/do something just assume, since you're in the group that you're included in the plan! Before you decide people don't like you, make them flat out tell you, unmistakeably, so your own shyness and feelings can't get in your way. Practice saying, "I can come!" or, "I'll see you there" or, "Can someone come by my house and get me?" and other "inclusive" things. It could be, if you're too quiet like you imply, that your friends enjoy you some because you are "restful" and not hogging the spotlight! That's a good thing.