[mote.of.soul]

Originally Posted by Underdevelopment

Someone please explain to me on what planet do mobile phones pass for a good invention?!?

On the Planet of the Dummies - Earth.

Me, the dark shadow of depression, of hopelessness, has lifted somewhat today, and I'm glad to report I'm at a more manageable baseline of emotion. Yes, the tide may recede again but I want to be more prepared and just continue to grow the best I can.

Peace & Love to everyone struggling today.

[Breaking Dawn]

It seems that this recent moment of time has been difficult for many of us. I want to express my love to you, & I wish a fairygodmother could come to each one of you & swish all your troubles away with her magic wand. Poof. All gone. Then we could dance around together on a pink cloud, to the music of birds & fairies singing a sunshiney song.

[Underdevelopment]

One good day. Saturday.
Crashing mood . Sunday
Noisy mind full of voices arguing, debating, analyzing, over stimulated, withdrawal, and dark shutdown. The tears are coming.

Why. Why are the good days so fleeting? Unpredictable by nature. Debilitatingly exhausting to fight.

Im tired, because I know what my mind is capable of giving me. Yet so often, all i get is the scraps before fading into the hole of despair.

Today was fairly busy at work; pretty normal for a Monday. It was nice except that it's hard to field the question of what am I going to do on Thanksgiving weekend. I have nothing planned for Thanksgiving so I'll be by myself. I don't feel comfortable in being asked what will be doing.

Now I'm having those pesky little sliver cuts at my fingertips. They just happened by themselves. I didn't do anything to cause the cuts. They are painful when the cuts make contact.

[3rd rock]

I don't know what to do. I'm trapped. I will withdraw into my rich, highly detailed fantasy life in order to cope by way of dissociation.

I am always ashamed of myself.

[Yzen]

I need time to recover after the last week and don't think I'll get it...maybe I have to take the time myself and not worry about the consequences.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((( hugs )))))))))

[3rd rock]

My medical disability claim went through last night. It's a little less than what I was getting before, but still enough for me to subsist on as I know how to live cheaply from many years of experience. It's only good through February so I may have no choice but to return to work then whether I'm ready or not.

My back started hurting yesterday when I was in the shower. I did nothing, it simply started hurting. It's really painful. I will buy some IcyHot at the store and see if that helps.

It was an alright day at work. But it looks like Thursday is going to be very dreadful for me. It's supposed to rain all day, so I am going to be alone and won't be able to go outside for any kind of bike riding or walking. I plan to do some cleaning at my place on Thursday. At least that should keep me busy and make it easy for me on Saturday.

Maybe Friday will not be a bad day at work after all as it's supposed to rain all day and there should be more people at work than I think there will be. A day off wouldn't do me much good if the weather is bad.

It looks like my friend and I are really going to split up. He upset me last night and many times before that. I sent him an email telling him that I was upset with him from the things he said to me last night. And then I told him not to call. It's going to be hard but I hope things will get better for me. It's hard losing the only person I have in my life where I am.

[Deilla]

I am doing fairly well... just a little lonely.

[kumy]

I'm doing okay today, which is a lot lately

Not busy at work today, but that was to be expected. I'm not feeling well emotionally tonight. I didn't feel so good when I got home. Tonight a guy at where I live asked me what I'm doing on Thursday. I told him I'm not doing anything. He then said that he's going to a party. I was feeling kind of alright until that happened. Now I feel totally sunk, a real loser, and the only person who will not spend time with anyone on Thanksgiving. Oh well.

Also my friend and I have split up. Right before Thanksgiving. Nice! Just as well. We were getting on each other's nerves and had been for quite a while. I would feel depressed a lot after talking to him. It's going to be hard to find a replacement for me.

[Breaking Dawn]

Doing ok.

[3rd rock]

Trying to revise files on 2 titles, but remaining orders have to be filled before revisions can be processed. No idea how long that'll take. In the meantime, no new orders can be placed, and many retailers will list the titles as unavailable for purchase! Hope this doesn't last long. Grrr...

Dull day today. As predicted it has rained the whole day, so no going out. Why did it have to rain when being alone and then I would have felt better going out? The only bright spot of the day was that I went out to do some light shopping. Picked up some sliced turkey at a supermarket deli and other things for the dinner tonight.

My sister called around 11:30. We had a pretty good talk but she drifted off to sleep as we were finishing; like always.

I'm so lonely. The weather is rainy and cold. It usually is warm and sunny/tropical here. I come from the freezing midwest and was glad to leave. I think the weather had an impact on my mood. Going back for Christmas to see my parents and I don't know how I'll even survive, I am planning on needing to relocate to a hotel through my stay.

My parents are moving from the house I'd grew up in since I was 3-4. I didn't know two years ago when I moved out that I'd never return.

Thanksgiving is just awful. I didn't have time to buy fun groceries so I won't be able to cook myself holiday food. I won't be shopping for the holidays since my car recently had work done on it and I had to pay my six months insurance and renew the registration... I am all alone.

The holidays are the worst time of the year. I am very depressed.

[TerryL]

i felt extremely guilty for years over the fact that i did not have a yard for my bunnies to play in. even though they were free roam in my apartment and there was a bright, airy verandah, and i tried so very, very hard to keep them happy and safe. i love animals so much. still, i beat myself up about the yard thing. i should have rehomed them but i was afraid they would be neglected. most people can't understand what i am going through. last year, i finally found a way to lessen the guilt. but today, i was going to meet friends for lunch and right before, the guilt came back full force. it was my subconscious saying i don't deserve to be happy. i had to dredge up my coping skills to get through the day. i have lost so many years to the guilt. sigh..

I'm at work today and it seems like no one's here. There are some but it feels empty. My friend had called just before leaving. I was in the bathroom when he called and didn't have time to call him back. I guess I'll get in touch with him. He sounded like he was going to cry when he left a message.

I feel like I'm a real "softy". I hate to hurt people, especially those who care about me. I just got tired of being brought down emotionally. There were some nights I couldn't sleep because of the things he would say to me. I realize that people are not perfect; but where to you draw the line between imperfection and toxic?

[Deilla]

I feel Okay today.

[Breaking Dawn]

Dear Will, please follow your instincts. They are there for a reason. Lack of self worth & loneliness can make us easy targets.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

Dear Will, please follow your instincts. They are there for a reason. Lack of self worth & loneliness can make us easy targets.

[Fuzzybear]

I am tired of know it all people with zero empathy ... do they really believe that crap they spout?

(not anyone on pc)

[3rd rock]

Extremely anxious about drawing down on medication I've been taking for ~5 years. Psychiatrist wants to draw down on it so as to start on a new medication soon. What if I become suicidal? Worried.

[puzzclar]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

Extremely anxious about drawing down on medication I've been taking for ~5 years. Psychiatrist wants to draw down on it so as to start on a new medication soon. What if I become suicidal? Worried.

Like we all do, just take things a day at a time. I've been through med changes and there is always fear. But do we want to let the fear win?

If we think the med will affect us, odds are then against us, and the mind and body reacts. At least that's what happened for me, several times.