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  #551  
Old Jan 27, 2020, 11:23 PM
Anonymous43774
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I need a week off! I don’t know why but I’m not coping well. I never feel in control of my life and I am exhausted at trying to keep up! My new goal is to train 2 hours a day and make a way to speak to management about my progress. Maybe I need to journal to make a plan on how to manage my sleep. I need to keep holding on!
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  #552  
Old Jan 28, 2020, 01:34 PM
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After this week, I have four weeks until I have to return to work. I'm not looking forward to this. I hope my psychiatrist will agree to a limited return to work of no more than 24 hours per week, which will help ease the difficulty.
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  #553  
Old Jan 28, 2020, 06:24 PM
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Triggered at work again. No one to speak to. I really hate this.
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  #554  
Old Jan 29, 2020, 04:15 AM
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I've been too busy to be depressed. I'm still looking after my S.O. who's been in and out of medical crisis. Yesterday I called for an ambulance. He was mad that I was sending him to the hospital. Now I'm here with him. He seems more comfortable than he was at home.

Being so needed by someone, as I've been lately, has kept me moving along. When he's gone, it will seem awfully strange. I think I'll do alright. My life will be what I make of it.
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  #555  
Old Jan 29, 2020, 06:01 PM
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I'm not really feeling very well, because I just made the difficult decision to shelve an ongoing project. I just don't think I can take such a radical idea as the concept behind it and write it through to completion, in a way that's competent or compelling. I know it might seem like ordinary self-doubt, but I really think it's necessary to move on. Sometimes you just have to discard a project as unworkable, no matter how many months you've spent on it. I think this is a sign of maturity as a writer. However, I'm also rather despondent at having failed to make use of this past project as a chance to 'hit it big' and earn my way out of poverty. Hopefully the next one will be.
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  #556  
Old Jan 29, 2020, 11:52 PM
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I felt emotionally great today, for some strange reason. As of now I have a performance review at work tomorrow (it was going to be last week and today but were postponed). And then on Friday I have that doctor's appointment (that was postponed from Monday). I'm not looking forward to that one.

In the last couple of nights that my friend and I have talked, he seems more grumpy and judgmental. I'm not liking that.
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  #557  
Old Jan 30, 2020, 12:47 AM
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Very low mood after calling my mother. Her life is a nightmare and she makes me upset. I can’t believe I’m related to her.
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  #558  
Old Jan 30, 2020, 08:39 AM
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I'm getting depressed.
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  #559  
Old Jan 30, 2020, 10:42 AM
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It is what it is. A boulder in the road I have to get around. But it makes sence to me that if I keep trying, I will eventually get to where I want to be.
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  #560  
Old Jan 30, 2020, 02:08 PM
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It's settled, I'm going to return to work on March 2. My psychiatrist has written a plan that starts at two 8-hour shifts per week to start, then three, then on from there. I'm very anxious and nervous about it.
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  #561  
Old Jan 30, 2020, 10:58 PM
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I'm low today. Overslept again and just watched tv all afternoon. Managed to wash dishes and clean a little in the kitchen, but I've been back on the couch since that. :/ Make matters worse, husband's tip for the day on his health tracker thingy, was to get no more than 7to9 hours of sleep or you'll get unfixable heart disease and overweight and something else. I dunno. Like I don't already know this is unhealthy!

Guess I'm also super bummed that nearly everyone, if not everyone I know is going to my favorite band's concerts and I'm not because of my health issues.

Last edited by giddykitty; Jan 30, 2020 at 11:11 PM.
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  #562  
Old Jan 31, 2020, 07:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 3rd rock View Post
It's settled, I'm going to return to work on March 2. My psychiatrist has written a plan that starts at two 8-hour shifts per week to start, then three, then on from there. I'm very anxious and nervous about it.
Best wishes for your return to work.
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  #563  
Old Jan 31, 2020, 07:56 AM
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When my depression goes down, my anxiety goes up. My depression is present today but manageable. My anxiety not so much.

I’ve signed up and paid for a meet up tonight. I’m highly anxious and regretting it.
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  #564  
Old Jan 31, 2020, 08:05 PM
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@Jennifer 1967: It's probably to late to post this as you might be at your meet-up already. But i went to one meet-up and had a fantastic time, so much fun. The another i tried was too noisy at a divey bar so i just left right away. You can never tell before you go. Hope it works out for you, let me know!
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  #565  
Old Jan 31, 2020, 09:25 PM
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@Jennifer 1967: It's probably to late to post this as you might be at your meet-up already. But i went to one meet-up and had a fantastic time, so much fun. The another i tried was too noisy at a divey bar so i just left right away. You can never tell before you go. Hope it works out for you, let me know!
You are so thoughtful and I really appreciate you! Alas, I chickened out of tonight’s meet up but I have signed up for 5 in February so I’ll try again. Thanks for telling me about your experiences. That’s reassuring.
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  #566  
Old Jan 31, 2020, 09:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 View Post
When my depression goes down, my anxiety goes up. My depression is present today but manageable. My anxiety not so much.

I’ve signed up and paid for a meet up tonight. I’m highly anxious and regretting it.
I used to go to a meetup, a young adult mental health meetup. It was great, and I was starting to maybe consider the possibility of considering at least some of the people who went to the meetup friends, as I was getting to know some of them. Then the organizer quit, and the meetup group dissolved, and I lost contact with all of them. Best of luck with yours.
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  #567  
Old Jan 31, 2020, 10:09 PM
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Yes meetups are good way to make friends and maybe do something you enjoy at the same time. They can hit or miss with some s it’s fun and other times not. Or if I go I’m quiet and feel like it’s just nice to get out.

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  #568  
Old Jan 31, 2020, 11:16 PM
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i just realized i'm so afraid of any new relationship, i wouldn't be able to take a chance on a meet up. i wonder what % of pc members feel that way
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  #569  
Old Jan 31, 2020, 11:40 PM
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Feeling better today. Got up at a reasonable hour and had stuff to keep me busy. Don't even feel bad about missing that concert because ticket buying sounded insane today!! Did take a short nap this evening though and skipping workout. Had a little tummy ache after dinner, but it's settling. I'm not sure my point to all this. Twas an okay day maybe?
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  #570  
Old Feb 01, 2020, 12:18 AM
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Just realized when I get angry/irritable it may actually be anxiety attacks. And that I have terrible abandonment anxiety and binge eating problems. I am feeling very down. I hate myself most of all for being alone. I wish someone loved me and cared for me.

I’d like to curl up in bed the entire weekend and sleep. But I have art to do. The stress never ends. Trying to paint something. A portrait. Quite depressed about that. It’s a series of mini portraits.

This month 40% of my earnings went to supplies. Meaning I’m working for like $5/hour. I don’t think my skill set is enough for me to be charging more. I’m very depressed. I guess the supplies will last many months.

The painting is for my creative development. The portraits are for money and a way to get new clients. I’m unable to do anything in life except the bare minimum so I bet I won’t get to the painting this weekend.

Speaking to my mother really depressed me. I’m feeling very low.
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  #571  
Old Feb 01, 2020, 12:38 AM
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@the walls, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I hope things will be better for you soon. Lots of hugs & love to you!!
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  #572  
Old Feb 01, 2020, 05:56 AM
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it was a long bass day - lots of things hurt and my mind is shot! i keep telling myself to just hang in there a little longer, yet now truly wondering how long i can actually continue to do that/this

->could use a sedative/tranquilizer if anyone could spare it
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  #573  
Old Feb 01, 2020, 12:24 PM
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I'm doing a lot better this morning. We got home from the hospital last evening.

I'm not depressed at the moment. I get so busy with caregiving my S.O. that I don't have much time for P.C. I don't get to really follow how others are doing. I used to find so much more time. But now I log in and dash off something about my current status and, then, I gotta get back to what's going on IRL.

I do get inspired by how hard everyone is struggling. Remember: In life it's just the first hundred years that are the hardest.
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  #574  
Old Feb 01, 2020, 12:45 PM
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TRIGGER WARNING

I went to see the doctor (Urologist) yesterday. In case if you don't know about me, I had prostate cancer surgery five years ago. Since the surgery I have been on medication. Unfortunately I'm one of the 30% or so who doesn't get over it completely and possibly may have a re-occurrence. So I have to take another drug and have some X-rays. We may get to the bottom of this or this problem can get worse.

I don't understand this. I do the very best I can to take care of myself and be the best person I can be. I know I'm not perfect and no one is. It seems like mean and selfish people who can't get it together do better than I do. It's not fair!

This morning I woke up feeling very depressed (with good reason!). Also I woke up around 3 AM and had a runny nose until about mid-morning. So that disturbed my sleep that I feel like I needed.
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  #575  
Old Feb 02, 2020, 05:18 PM
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I feel really depress today. There is no reason for me to feel this bad especially on a warm day.
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