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  #826  
Old Apr 26, 2020, 02:55 AM
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Thirty shades Thirty shades is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by little turtle View Post
this afternoon while meditating....a lot of shaking and rapid breathing...
i had an insight...i think there is a very little turtle deep down in there that is finally speaking up
and trying to let me know how hurt he has been...how he has been treated by others...
a lot of hurt...i felt very sorry for that little turtle...sounds crazy doesn't it...
Not crazy at all

Time to let your inner LT speak and have the love he deserves
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  #827  
Old Apr 26, 2020, 09:04 AM
little turtle little turtle is offline
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i wanted my wife to be my friend....but that never worked out after 65 years...
she is my wife...my spouse...we are very very different...depressing
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  #828  
Old Apr 26, 2020, 12:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by little turtle View Post
i wanted my wife to be my friend....but that never worked out after 65 years...
she is my wife...my spouse...we are very very different...depressing


Oh, Turtle - 65 years? Oh no...

I mean, you can be different but in my experience both have to want the relationship in order to be able to work at it. There has to be some love there on both sides, right? You can't do it all alone....

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  #829  
Old Apr 26, 2020, 01:04 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thirty shades View Post
Not crazy at all

Time to let your inner LT speak and have the love he deserves
Good post...
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  #830  
Old Apr 26, 2020, 01:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by little turtle View Post
i wanted my wife to be my friend....but that never worked out after 65 years...
she is my wife...my spouse...we are very very different...depressing


I can feel the pain in this post dear little turtle..

My experience was different but in some ways similar...

That after 65 years of her life, my mother was still not my friend. I had wanted her to be my friend..

She did not like me. She said she loved me She told ''everyone'' what a ''bad person'' I was, including a cruel, sociopathic ''boyfriend/landlord'' - who threw me out also. It was part of his script, his pattern. He was very cruel, very bitter, not ''even attractive'' :-( He was ''not without intelligence''.. which he used against me

She rejected me... a mother rejecting her only daughter. Her only biological child. I am not sure what sort of love that is.

Papa bear and I, my husband, are very different, there is love, and we like each other.

I am grateful I did not marry one of the (several) abusive young or not so young men I had engaged with before meeting Papa bear. The ''pattern of dysfunction'' could have continued had I been less ''fortunate'' and married the abuser I was engaged to for over a year. (or one of the other abusers... including that horrible horrible ''landlord''... But in his mind, he was Far Superior to me... I was, in his mind, so far beneath him that he came to our house to abuse me with words soon after I married Papa bear :-( Why :-( I can only imagine... jealousy partly, he was nearly 10 years older than I was, maybe he knew deep down he would not .... ''ever'' ... find anyone as ''good'' as me (or maybe anyone ''good enough for him at all''... grrrrrrr. Sorry about the grr

hugs and love to you dear little turtle and to all on the As Is bus

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  #831  
Old Apr 26, 2020, 01:26 PM
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thanks dear fuzzy with love...
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  #832  
Old Apr 26, 2020, 09:37 PM
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Originally Posted by little turtle View Post
thanks dear fuzzy with love...
thank you dear little turtle, with love
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  #833  
Old Apr 27, 2020, 03:18 AM
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Thirty shades Thirty shades is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post


I can feel the pain in this post dear little turtle..

My experience was different but in some ways similar...

That after 65 years of her life, my mother was still not my friend. I had wanted her to be my friend..

She did not like me. She said she loved me She told ''everyone'' what a ''bad person'' I was, including a cruel, sociopathic ''boyfriend/landlord'' - who threw me out also. It was part of his script, his pattern. He was very cruel, very bitter, not ''even attractive'' :-( He was ''not without intelligence''.. which he used against me

She rejected me... a mother rejecting her only daughter. Her only biological child. I am not sure what sort of love that is.

Papa bear and I, my husband, are very different, there is love, and we like each other.

I am grateful I did not marry one of the (several) abusive young or not so young men I had engaged with before meeting Papa bear. The ''pattern of dysfunction'' could have continued had I been less ''fortunate'' and married the abuser I was engaged to for over a year. (or one of the other abusers... including that horrible horrible ''landlord''... But in his mind, he was Far Superior to me... I was, in his mind, so far beneath him that he came to our house to abuse me with words soon after I married Papa bear :-( Why :-( I can only imagine... jealousy partly, he was nearly 10 years older than I was, maybe he knew deep down he would not .... ''ever'' ... find anyone as ''good'' as me (or maybe anyone ''good enough for him at all''... grrrrrrr. Sorry about the grr

hugs and love to you dear little turtle and to all on the As Is bus

Thank you for sharing this with us all on the bus dear Fuzzybear.

I wish I had, had your courage when choosing/rejecting a husband.
I guess for me the true colours only shone out, once I was fully trapped.

Looking back there were big clues but I was young and even younger emotionally back then.

I am free now but carry the damage.

My life has been a ongoing saga of collecting abuse.
Mainly professionals these days.

Sending hugs and respect to you
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, giddykitty, little turtle, MimiBhaduri0, Rohag
Thanks for this!
Fuzzybear, little turtle
  #834  
Old Apr 27, 2020, 03:21 AM
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Thirty shades Thirty shades is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by little turtle View Post
i wanted my wife to be my friend....but that never worked out after 65 years...
she is my wife...my spouse...we are very very different...depressing
I am sorry you are trapped in your marriage

I send heartfelt wishes to you for some peace and harmony

Do you have a place you can go for space?
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  #835  
Old Apr 27, 2020, 03:23 AM
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Thirty shades Thirty shades is offline
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Being alone with only our thoughts is not easy for us.

Filling my time to avoid the thoughts makes me tired.

Meditation brings some space for me to relax and rest.

Much love, hugs and respect to all on the bus
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  #836  
Old Apr 27, 2020, 08:32 AM
little turtle little turtle is offline
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finally i think meditation is helping me...
i don't know that much about it...
i am more calm at certain times...
i also am following lifestyle medicine...
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  #837  
Old Apr 27, 2020, 12:36 PM
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giddykitty giddykitty is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by little turtle View Post
i wanted my wife to be my friend....but that never worked out after 65 years...
she is my wife...my spouse...we are very very different...depressing
Oh this I can truly relate to. Not 65 years yet, but at least a decade in. It can be interesting seeing a different perspective, but as someone else mentioned, it's only good when both folks appreciate that. I mean, hubby doesn't care that we are different. He doesn't mind doing separate things (although he does often invite me to join him in his things), but I really want or almost need him to be my friend or show some similar interest for me to be intimate. Right? So yeah, it's a struggle. Sigh! We must have a few common interests, but it's few and far between.
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  #838  
Old Apr 27, 2020, 12:38 PM
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giddykitty giddykitty is offline
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Also, much love and hugs folks!
__________________
Celexa (Citalopram) 20mg
Levothyroxine .75mg
Liothyronine 5MCG (2x daily)
Probiotics
And a whole slew of vitamin and herbal supplements.
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, little turtle, MimiBhaduri0, Rohag, Thirty shades
Thanks for this!
Fuzzybear, little turtle, MimiBhaduri0, Thirty shades
  #839  
Old Apr 27, 2020, 03:39 PM
little turtle little turtle is offline
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thank you...... thank you for your help..
.i am mainly suffering from the loss of my good friends...
i really have many problems with the family...
my friends were a replacement for the love lost...
i am looking for friends irl...i need that...
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  #840  
Old Apr 27, 2020, 08:18 PM
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giddykitty giddykitty is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by little turtle View Post
thank you...... thank you for your help..
.i am mainly suffering from the loss of my good friends...
i really have many problems with the family...
my friends were a replacement for the love lost...
i am looking for friends irl...i need that...
Hope you can find that Little Turtle. In the meantime, we can be your friends here.
I think I'll eventually need to get some irl friends again one day. Right now, Mom is my best friend and brother and sister and to some degree, Dad are other friends. Can't really share EVERYTHING with them though. And when Mom goes (hopefully not for a long time, but more than likely I'll have to bear that hardship), I will need irl friends or a therapist. Maybe that will be time for hubby to realize my need for that! For now though, I'm managing ok with Mom and you all. ..and even hubby to some degree.
__________________
Celexa (Citalopram) 20mg
Levothyroxine .75mg
Liothyronine 5MCG (2x daily)
Probiotics
And a whole slew of vitamin and herbal supplements.
Hugs from:
little turtle, MimiBhaduri0, Rohag, Thirty shades
Thanks for this!
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  #841  
Old Apr 27, 2020, 11:01 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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If only... my ''mum'' ...... ''best friend''

Hugs and respect to all
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  #842  
Old Apr 27, 2020, 11:02 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thirty shades View Post
Thank you for sharing this with us all on the bus dear Fuzzybear.

I wish I had, had your courage when choosing/rejecting a husband.
I guess for me the true colours only shone out, once I was fully trapped.

Looking back there were big clues but I was young and even younger emotionally back then.

I am free now but carry the damage.

My life has been a ongoing saga of collecting abuse.
Mainly professionals these days.

Sending hugs and respect to you
I'm sending hugs and respect to you dear Thirty shades

Hugs and respect to all on the bus
__________________
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little turtle, MimiBhaduri0, Rohag, Thirty shades
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  #843  
Old Apr 27, 2020, 11:05 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by little turtle View Post
finally i think meditation is helping me...
i don't know that much about it...
i am more calm at certain times...
i also am following lifestyle medicine...
Hugs and respect to you dear little turtle and to all on the bus
__________________
Hugs from:
little turtle, MimiBhaduri0, Rohag, Thirty shades
Thanks for this!
little turtle, MimiBhaduri0, Thirty shades
  #844  
Old Apr 27, 2020, 11:07 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thirty shades View Post
I am sorry you are trapped in your marriage

I send heartfelt wishes to you for some peace and harmony

Do you have a place you can go for space?
I'm sending warm thoughts and loving kindness to you dear little turtle and Thirty shades
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  #845  
Old Apr 27, 2020, 11:10 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by little turtle View Post
thank you...... thank you for your help..
.i am mainly suffering from the loss of my good friends...
i really have many problems with the family...
my friends were a replacement for the love lost...
i am looking for friends irl...i need that...
I'm sorry about the loss of your good friends dear little turtle

I hope you find some good new friends

hugs and much respect
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  #846  
Old Apr 28, 2020, 07:59 AM
little turtle little turtle is offline
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what a terrible night....fear...i am trying not to fight what is coming out of my brain...
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  #847  
Old Apr 28, 2020, 08:01 AM
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downandlonely downandlonely is offline
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I hope the day gets better for you. Sorry you are scared.
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  #848  
Old Apr 28, 2020, 08:16 AM
little turtle little turtle is offline
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Originally Posted by downandlonely View Post
I hope the day gets better for you. Sorry you are scared.
thanks DAL...i am scared of many things...many real things like death...
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  #849  
Old Apr 28, 2020, 01:41 PM
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“trying not to fight what is coming out of my brain”

I think, this is wise advice for all...

Much love and respect to all who are As Is
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  #850  
Old Apr 28, 2020, 05:36 PM
little turtle little turtle is offline
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i am still very afraid when panic hits me at night...
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