[Breaking Dawn]

I seem to be doing fine this morning. Today is my first anniversary here at PC. I've been a member here for 1 year, as of today. Thank you!

[Yzen]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

I seem to be doing fine this morning. Today is my first anniversary here at PC. I've been a member here for 1 year, as of today.

compared to most days, I am not feeling too bad (at least my mind is sort of quiet and the thoughts arn't that bothersome)

my issue today is more my body (when isn't it these days?)

if I'm not in pain from fibro, I'm doubly incontinent

and today is one of the incontinent days- the frequency as well is really depressing me. I mean, it would anyone who is just trying to get on with their day

I guess I'm good apart from that, I'd just rather be.. well a little cleaner. lol

I just came back from shopping. I spent a lot more money than expected. Plus I was a bit mad when the store didn't have the items that I normally buy. At another store there was a homeless/mental guy who went crazy and screamed, yelled, & cussed at those near him. Sad to say it's so common at where I live. That's one of the reasons why I want to leave where I live. I think that living in the city is for the birds.

Very hot and kind of humid today. So the routine today may be difficult.

[Rose76]

Woke up at 8:30 a.m. Pretty strong anxiety since then. Over 5 hours of this.

I need real help. I just don't trust where I was referred to.

I had a peaceful night. I didn't sleep at all, (which would have obviously made it bettter), but compared to most nights it was rather quiet in the way of thoughts or flashbackk

mentally I am doing okay today, mood's good and I've eaten fruit (so a nice healthy breakfast)

physically though I wish I was in another body. it really hurts

[Rose76]

Woke up at 7:30 a.m. Taking Seroquel 50 mg in the eve seems to be allowing me to fall asleep and mostly stay asleep through the night. That's my escape from this horribleness.

But I wake and it starts again. In the last 3+ hours, I've made that trip again to the valley of hopelessness. Watching a good show on PBS distracted me enough to stay sort of calm. But now it's bad.

So I took my morning dose of Vicodin (hydrocodone 10 mg.) I try to hold off because, the later I take it, the later in the day I'll have the benefit of it. I wasn't terribly sore yet, physically . . . but the mental thing was getting horrid. I also added a Ritalin 20 mg tablet to the Vicodin. I haven't taken a Ritalin in a few days. In recent months I've used the Ritalin only sporadically. (It's counterproductive, depending on the context of the day.) But I've taken it, now, because depression got extreme.

I started to weep in a way that I call hysterical. This is not mainly grief. It is mainly depression.

It's 30 minutes since taking those 2 tablets. The "hysterics" have stopped. I'm still and breathing normally.

While so upset, I was thinking that I have to tell someone that I can't cope with this. I think of who to tell. Haven't figured that out.

I call what I just went through "agony." That seems like foolish exaggeration when I think of the awful torments that humans go through. Nothing in my life is really so terrible. I guess I expect life to be easier than how life is.

Didn't sleep well last night because it was so dang hot. I had the fan running all night. It helped a little bit but still I don't feel that great because of the excessive heat. I don't like to use the air conditioner. I don't like air conditioners at all and I want to save energy.

My sister called this morning. I felt like our talk didn't go very well. She seemed very down about my future plans to where I want to move to. She asked me about if I thought of moving to some areas kind of nearby where she is. I don't want to do that.

Very hot again today. I'll probably just go on a short bike ride today like I did yesterday.

[tigerlily84]

My mom accused me of using her credit card and asked for it back. (I am an authorized user.) I didn't make those transactions and she even admitted that she had not checked her receipts but accused me anyway and asked for the card back. I was angry and gave it back to her and she said I didn't have a right to be angry. There is nothing worse than being accused of something that you didn't do. This is triggering for me because she always did this when I was a kid and it drove me crazy. Rather than get dragged into a fight I told her that I needed to leave, so I did. I felt a bit guilty because she is in her 70s and it is very hot where she lives. I went to my brother's house and saw him, my sister in law and nieces. They agreed that she was out of line. I ended up staying the night because we were up late watching Black Panther.

[Nitrous]

I guess I feel comfortable today, though that dark cloud is still overhead. Started building a shed with my boyfriend today, we got a lot done. I'm kind of sad that the weekend is going so fast though.

[mugwort2]

Labor day weekend tends to make me feel blue.

Didn't do much today because it was so hot. The afternoon was very boring. Just took a one hour bike ride and that's it. The morning was pretty busy but it died off after that.

[tigerlily84]

Not much to report. I made lunch and I have therapy later today. I have a lot to talk about for once.

[3rd rock]

I don't feel too bad. I feel low-energy and fatigued. It's hard to tell whether this is due to the depression or some illness. Still waiting for Coronavirus test results.

[Breaking Dawn]

Things feel better now from earlier today. I just now finished listening to lovely music. I highly recommend music as a soother, whatever is right for you. I have quite a range of favorites. Thank you, God, for music.

[Rose76]

Today wasn't awful, like yesterday was.

I got nothing done. I just waste my time.

Feel sore. Made breakfast for son. Situational depression. Trying to be grateful as there is still people who talk to me. So worried about job and son and housing.. and pain.. I think I can i think i can.. isn't cutting it. I'd love to escape the reality I'm in.

The weekday day off came and went quickly. I don't get many of those, but they are nice when it comes even though it can be boring.

I decided to call my sister this morning but never got through. I wanted to call her today because I had a sensation that something was wrong with her yesterday. I asked her about it yesterday and she said that everything is fine. It sure didn't seem that way to me.

Took a two and half hour bike ride today. I had not done it in a couple of weeks. It was a much nicer day for that since it was about 15 degrees cooler than yesterday. I kept on thinking that today was Sunday.

[Deilla]

I'm feeling sad tonight. I'm not sure how things will end up. One door may be closing. I'm not sure yet. And I don't know if another door will open.

[tigerlily84]

I finally was able to get through to my state's disability office by phone today. I was trying to call since last month, but I was able to get my questions answered. My friend told me about a job at the county and I applied so I'm hoping that something will turn up for me job wise. So now it's just a waiting game as far as waiting for disability funds and for a possible call back on the jobs I applied for. Waiting is definitely not my strong point though.

[Rose76]

Another day I am wasting.

I called my sister this morning just before going to work. She assured me that everything is fine. So I guess I have to take her word for it.

Very slow at work today. When I got home I had a pretty nice chat with a neighbor. That doesn't happen very often. It was with a woman I had not seen in a while. She thought that I had moved out. I thought that she had been in a hospital since she doesn't look well physically. I have always liked her. But we got interrupted by the delivery man for her.

I took a bike ride after work today. On Thursday morning I will go to a medical lab for blood work. The last time I had done it, the result was pleasing. I hope it will be like that again this time.

[3rd rock]

Well, I got the results back. I don't have coronavirus. So this is just some ordinary flu or something.

[Deilla]

I'm feeling better this morning. I've been busy with my art, so that is helping.

Down but not out.