Depression Vent Room for Misfits

Thank you.
I would like to talk to you about my animals, all cats, but atm Im having difficulty putting down my thoughts into words.
It's that a female stray cat whom I feed came to me when she was in labor and I let her have her litter in my room. I adopted the kittens. Another stray cat brought along a kitten when she came for food and the kitten stayed back with me. Now I have 6 cats incl kittens who stay in the house and 3 stray cats who come for food and then go away.
I have some pictures of them in my album. I will give you the links in a while.
If you believe in God, please pray for me ... I feel so very sad all the time and find it hard to go on any more.

Mimi So lovely that stray cat knew you were a safe person - and that your home was a safe place to have her kittens. I means so much when they choose us I believe.

I looked at the photos through your page - such pretty cats!

I'm not sure what I believe and what I don't to be honest, but I will pray for you, and I'm sure your God will hear. I hope that you find even a little window, a little break in the sadness

I'm not doing very well tonight. I wanted to be up for a while and play games. But I'm too depressed. So I think I will try to go back to sleep.

My sister is allowing her best friend to bully me and it making me feel really depressed because my sister takes her friend place. I tried talking to her about how her friend went s treating me but she claims she never heard her friend say rude comments even though her friend is saying things in front of her.

Thanks much

I said some innocent remark to this one brother of mine that he should take only part time jobs and he took it as an insult. I apologized and all but it didn't do any good. He wouldn't accept my apology when I do accept his all the time. My first thought was screw you if you can't accept it. I felt like saying the f word to him. That's how frustrated I have become with him. So now i'm feeling like it's no use and I don't feel like giving a ****. I'm still brooding over this. I don't know why. I just am. For some reason, it just came up out of the blue, even though I was so happy for him getting this job. I was so happy that he got one he wanted. I do regret what I said. Here he was being so nice to me earlier and I was so happy for him. Maybe there's something deep down inside that wasn't expressed or something like that. I just hope I can stop thinking about it now. I'm trying every way I can to do that. I try every way to forget when I feel I need to because I feel if I happen to say something wrong, nobody would be on my side. laughs. I do mean it. I'm not kidding when I say that.

Quitting vaping is hard. I tried to go to bed early but woke up an hour later. I was so stressed I wanted to vape. All I could do was sit while holding my head. Exercise is recommended, but I can't do that because of my back. I try to sleep as much as possible. I feel sad that I'm having such a difficult time today.

I'm sorry, modestlychee, that things are like this with your brother! I'm glad you could vent here. That's what this place is for. Instead of letting the hurt eat away at us, I think it helps to let it out where we feel safe to do so.

Thanks, Breaking Dawn, for your support for it seems it will be the story of my life that I will be taking a lot of crap but hardly get anything good in return. laughs. That's how God played it for me. I kind of hate myself right now. It's like I'm part of the unhappiness of life if you get me. Part of me wants to set myself apart from all the drama and I just don't feel like being much of a part of my siblings lives because what is the use of depending on them for interaction. I don't want to do that anymore because nothing ever goes right. sorry to say. I'd love to get this real twirling baton to make me feel 'richer' and more apart from this stupid ordinary live for nothing life. I'm just expressing my views.

Feeling sad, lonely, panicky and hopeless. Anxious about the future.

God please please make the usa government respond to my plea soon, im living in hell here. I need to get out of here as soon as possible. I have no friend here, my parents and other relatives don't like me and my ex indian american boyfriend and his people are driving me crazy, threatening to torture and kill me. He is an anti-social. He used to work for the us government but now is in India and probably plans to settle down here. He and his people have a lot of influence here and so I can't complain against them to the police. If I do, they may lock me up instead.

I can't work bc of my MI, so I live with my parents. My dad is a predator and once he and mom beat me up together and dad molested me in front of mom. So I do not like to live with them in their house but I have got no option.

God please please make the usa government listen to my plea and give me refuge. I have lived in philadelphia, PA before and I was so happy there. Usa is close to my heart. Under the circumstances I can't go on here in India any more. I wish I could die.

i'm sorry I am not a very positive person

I'm feeling sad and lonely. I've had a busy day and I get to relax now. The only thing I want to do is go to bed. I just had a nap. I have no one to talk to. I'm all alone. I wish I could talk to my mom, but she is probably busy.

I hope things get better for you soon, dear friend. Maybe tomorrow will be better?

Went to bed around 3am. Woke up at 5:30am with a panic attack and feeling sad and lonely. It is 1:30pm now and the panic attack is still there and so is the sadness. Im telling myself that something good is going to happen by dec 31 2021. So it's just another 98 days.....God please give me the strength to fight this pain and suffering and hang in there for these next 98 days.
Amen!

I've had some better moments recently.

I'm feeling really sad and disappointed. I have to remember that when one door closes, another will open.

I hope you feel better soon, Deilla. Also thank you for reminding me about the doors.

Low energy and low motivation today. Want to be in bed all day. Y'day was much better.

All I want to do is avoid everyone and be left alone. I get tired of being talked about in a negative manner and criticized and even watched for so much I do. I feel like i have lost some spontaneity and creativity. I'd love to sleep and sleep and experience more of God in happier dreams. I wish a see through angel would appear to me in daylight so I can feel very strong protection and love from God.

Today has been really hard. I wanted to go on a drive today but I was too depressed to leave the house. I spent most of the time in bed with the cats. At least I had them. So that was good. I meditated twice today. My therapist wasn't any help. I told her I was struggling. I have no one I can talk to. I try to rely on DBT/CBT.

Dear @Deilla, good for you for trying so hard. I'm sorry your T wasn't helpful! Thank goodness for your fur babies. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

My depression came back this month pretty bad. My husband has bipolar 2 and has been going through an extreme depressive episode and my Grandfather passed away a week go.

My GAD and panic attacks are already bad so when the depression comes this is what I go through:
-When my alarm goes off in the morning I wake up and my heart is racing and feel like I cannot breathe.
-NO MOTIVATION. I don't want to clean, go anywhere, play with my dogs
-All day at work ( Assistant Property Manager in multifamily) I try to avoid people and hide in my office.
-Some tasks at work make me so anxious and overwhelmed I get sick and throw up
- I can't eat and don't want to eat. I've lost like 25 pounds in a month.
-Picking my face and fingernails

I do see a Pyschiatrist and I am on lexapro and colonzipam.

GOOD NEWS is I applied for my dream job a little while ago and this week I have already made it through to the third interview, and today I got the email I made it to the FINAL interview and I really think I have a good chance of getting the job. It is for a company that aligns with my ethical views and goals, 100% remote, FREE insurance, $70,000 annual salary, unlimited PTO, and they will pay for me to get my brokers license which has been a goal of mine this year. This could be life-changing and I am so anxious to know if I got it. I'm glad this had helped me get out of the depression a bit and give me a self-esteem boost. I am scared though that if I don't get it that I my depression will get severely worse..

Oh lifeeeee.......

Welcome to MSF, @stellablue51119! And thank you for posting here. I'm sorry you suffer so much, especially with the anxiety. I hope you get your dream job.

My depression had been taking me to some dark places in my mind. I think waking up in the middle of the night anxious about everything is feeding my SI. This morning I felt so done, so exhausted so done with this trapped feeling this loneliness this always having to do everything on my own, no help, no break. I'm just so in need of a day off from my responsibilities, I would love a full day of just looking after myself. I got my sleep deprived self out of bed early and got the hard stuff out of the way ...I don't know where I found it in me, just that I had to do it, there was no one else and stuff got done by me. So I guess I'm please with myself to go from laying in bed thinking "this is it, this is the day I end my life" to some how finding the hope that things may get better, that there could be a break for me if I keep looking. I dunno, just so tired right now, meds will kick in soon, if I wake up in the middle of the night I will take another dose, I need sleep badly.

Huge hugs to my fellow sufferers