Depression Vent Room for Misfits

I'm processing some hard things tonight. So I'd like to vent about them.
These are some things I feel are completely wasted on me:

- Being youthful-looking and attractive. Doesn't get you healthy love or anything honestly.
- Having a high IQ. My grad school GPA is a 3.9 but I wasn't able to finish due to becoming disabled and I don't know how to get back to school. So I can't have a career and can't do much besides using my intellect for day-to-day life. PS. Being smart doesn't mean you have great common sense. I don't use my IQ for anything.
- Being artistically talented. I barely do artwork anymore and don't see much point to it. I have a partial degree in art but do absolutely nothing important with it.
- Being a gifted writer. Got me "famous" on a site that completely destroyed my mental health and led me to horrible traumatic life experiences. I have no idea how to make a career out of writing.
- Being empathic and intuitive. No matter how many times I try I can't seem to achieve a career in metaphysics or the spiritual field.
- I'm a talented singer but I'm too old to have a musical career and don't think I'd make it.

I'm disabled and have a disease that causes me limitations. I never had a fair chance at life. I wish these gifts would have been given to someone who could actually do something with them and make something of their life. They're so wasted on me it's tragic. I've been sobbing tonight in absolute despair because my life is what it is and will never change. My dreams are dead because there is no hope for them. And there's nothing I can do.

@cinnamonsun, I'm sorry you were so upset. I hear you. It's disheartening. I am a music producer, artist, engineer and author. And I am still waiting on my big break. I too wanted to make an impact in the metaphysical world, but I have nothing to offer at the moment. But I know one day something will stick. The same is true for you. You just have to keep trying. I'm sending good thoughts your way. I hope you feel better soon.

I feel like it's time for me to give up on ever being anything more than what I am. I don't think I'm capable of big achievements or making a difference on a big scale.

I'm trying to refocus my life on what I can do. I can be a really good cashier and do great customer service. I can enjoy my gifts as hobbies. If someone needs advice, I might be able to help. I'm beginning to study or rediscover old spiritual paths I had left in the past, and they speak to me a lot. I think I just want a quiet, humble simple life as something similar to a monk. Where I do my personal spiritual work and just maybe, perhaps for once, find happiness within myself. If I can't do big awesome things then I want to excel at doing small quiet things in a peaceful life. It's better than nothing.

I’m not sure if I have post op depression or if it’s my SAD starting. But I’ve had zero motivation this weekend. I tried leaving my house but I just couldn’t make it to the store. My mom bought $500 worth of beef but she doesn’t know how to fix meat very well. So I don’t understand why she bought all that. It seems like a waste of money. The first thing she cooked from the stuff she bought she messed it up. I’ve just been on my own for meals since she just screws everything up. I eat canned stuff and yogurt and protein drinks mainly. My diet is not healthy but my blood work is perfect and my weight is decent. So idk.

I feel sad and depressed this morning. I'm using my sunlamp to help. I just don't feel like doing much. I received some frustrating news. Nothing I can do about it. It's beyond my control. I just have to use radical acceptance.

I slept all day yesterday. Right now it's my time to be up early and play my game. But I can't play. I am too sad. I just want to go back to bed and stay there all day I don't feel like doing anything. It's pointless.

I'm just...feel like other people will never like, love or accept me. And maybe it's because I really am an unlovable and unacceptable person. I try to be kind. I try to do good. But I guess it doesn't matter. I'm talented and no one sees it. I'm kind and no one cares. I'm beginning to believe I'm a really horrible person. And I should just stay away from the world because all I ever do is ruin everything, let people down, and just...I'm awful. I feel like I don't have a purpose, and nothing to offer the world because no one sees me.

I'll just...crawl into my hole and leave the world alone again. The only place I ever belong is when I am alone.

I'm awake early. It's quiet. I'm all alone. I tried to make a connection with someone I knew would play games at this time. It's my nephew. We play the same game. He plays other games as well. He's a grown man but he lives with his mother. I asked my sister if she would check with him and if I could get his number. My sister insisted he's not interested in that. She didn't even ask. I like my nephew. He's fun to talk to. I think it would have worked out. But my sister thinks little of me because I'm mentally ill.

Bad Day Check List

1). Have you been eating healthy?

What have you been feeding yourself lately?

Are you hungry right now?

Could you make yourself some food?

2). Are you hydrated?
Do you need some water or juice?

3). Have you been sleeping enough lately?
Do you need to lay down right now and take a nap?

4). Do you need to shower?
Would a change of clothes help?

5). Are your surroundings neat and tidy?
Could you tidy up your room a bit?

6). Have you been in nature recently?
Have you gotten some sunshine?
Could you take some vitamin D right now?

7). Have you moved your body?
Do you need to go for a walk?
Or go for a run?
Would working out help?

8. Have you spoken to someone who can help you work out your thoughts and feelings?
Is there someone in your life that you can open up to and be vulnerable with?

9). Do you need peace and quiet?
Would meditation help?
Or would listening to music help?

10). Do you need to cry?
By Claudia Kai

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Bad Day Check List

1). Have you been eating healthy?

What have you been feeding yourself lately?

Are you hungry right now?

Could you make yourself some food?

I haven't eaten well today. I didn't have the energy to cook. I still don't. I may just eat cereal. That should be good enough.

2). Are you hydrated?
Do you need some water or juice?

I could drink some water. Maybe later. I like my iced coffee.

3). Have you been sleeping enough lately?
Do you need to lay down right now and take a nap?

I slept until 11:30 am this morning.

4). Do you need to shower?
Would a change of clothes help?

I washed up yesterday. I could put a clean shirt on today.

5). Are your surroundings neat and tidy?
Could you tidy up your room a bit?

I have clutter everywhere. I try to do the best I can. I decorated my sofa for Halloween.

6). Have you been in nature recently?
Have you gotten some sunshine?
Could you take some vitamin D right now?

I keep forgetting my vitamin D.

7). Have you moved your body?
Do you need to go for a walk?
Or go for a run?
Would working out help?

I really need to go for a walk, but I am too depressed to get dressed.

8. Have you spoken to someone who can help you work out your thoughts and feelings?
Is there someone in your life that you can open up to and be vulnerable with?

I have no one I can talk with. I did try to message a friend but was completely ignored. I have another friend who is caring. So that is good.

9). Do you need peace and quiet?
Would meditation help?
Or would listening to music help?

I did a meditation today. And I'm listening to nature sounds.

10). Do you need to cry?

I almost cried today. It would have helped me.

I messed up a lot despite my strong efforts to always do good. I am 48 and am forced to have my mother stay with me bc my license was taken away.

I feel so oppressed, uncomfortable and trapped with her. She still treats me like I am 7. Very critical, judge mental, and neglectful, etc.

I feel guilty for feeling this way but she always puts me down and hates to see me doing well.

I am losing my mind with her here but she will not leave.

I suffer from severe debilitating anxiety and depression and she makes it worse.

I love and appreciate her but she will not stop belittling and controlling me.

Some days I wonder if assisted suicide is worth it, and if there's a better life on the other side.

Feeling sad this morning, thinking about how I keep disappointing myself & how unnerving most things seem to be.

It's late. I think my SAD kicked in. I was doing well then got very depressed during my game. I feel all alone. It's not that late but the only thing I can do now is go to bed. I have a meditation that will help. Maybe that's the best I can do.

It just feels like it isn't going to ever change back to where I felt so grateful every day. I was so blessed to have been allowed to have those years. I keep trying to use the CBT principles that I still believe in. This is probably a momentary setback that I have to go through once in a while?

I hate this never-ending pandemic! But I hate religion even more! And more than that, I hate uncertainties and inequities. And even beyond all that, I hate the fact that we have to die, that suffering takes place, that trauma is even a thing, and that we can't just all be loved and loving and live forever? I wish we could all just live forever and love one another and never have to worry about anything bad.

I HATE it too

and i also don't like talking about it

so i am fer sure a MISFIT

eta i personally do not hate religion per se, but i do not like some of the PEOPLE in it

WHY WHY WHY cannot we all be LOVED AND LOVING?

I agree

I'm here without my freaking shirt on

so i am getting colder and colder

i do have a t shirt on..

so ALL IS WELL

listening to

''a new set of lies''

what is the title? not sure

sorry about all the posts, I've been quiet for a long time...........

I like your posts, Fuzzybear!

I didn't mean that I hated religion or all religion, though I was in a very dark place at the time I posted above. What I meant was that I hated being hurt by some religious people, so it made me distrust in religion altogether. I do like spirituality - the safe kind, and I welcome prayer - the safe kind, and I love the love that comes with safe spirituality.

I'm afraid to go to sleep tonight. I think it will be okay though. I will do a mindfulness meditation. I will try to be present and focus on the words. I had some trauma today so that is why I am worried. I'm afraid I won't be able to settle down. But I'll do my best.

Does anyone else find themselves sometimes, crying over the life they never were able to live? All the big dreams were smashed because of disability and illness. You never got to do all the things you wanted to do. And sometimes you sit there thinking about it. You see posts to "Dream big!" But you have limitations because of your body and mental illnesses. And you're like...I think dreaming big is for other people, and I wish them happiness.

I just wish that could be me too.

I'm happy to be alive, I'm thankful for all that I have. I am lucky to have survived the things I did. But sometimes everything I lost and wasn't able to do still hurts inside of me. And I am not certain that grief will ever heal. I don't know how much I can do in this life. I try things but they always fall apart. I am told I am a capable person but I don't see it. People always say everyone has their time. I've been waiting for decades. When is my time? My time on earth is limited too. I don't know whether to keep trying or just give up and accept my life and who I am is what it is. And no matter how hard I try, or work on myself, or improve, this never changes. I don't know why. Why am I like this and why does it have to be this way? Why? Why can't I just have a normal life?