Depression Vent Room for Misfits

Feeling a bit better today. I did have to take extra medication last night to make sure I got enough sleep, I think that helps with my mood in addition to helping me sleep. Horrible nightmares though, and they left me ruminating on them for a few minutes this morning. But I'm congratulating myself because before the kettle had even boiled I had snapped myself out of it, and was able to do some productive things with neutral thoughts

Tried the ''meds'' again..(serokill.... I'm allergic to a whole class of other commonly prescribed meds ) and again, a bad (scary bad) red rash on my face.

Yay me

I can, fortunately, tolerate benzos....

Respect to all

I feel you. The dark places that it can take you can be scary and exhausting. I'm not religious, but one thing that helps me when I get in a dark thought space or I'm having a panic attack is telling myself "this too shall pass". It's kind of like my mantra. My emotions are all over the place and then having a husband that struggles with bi polar and depression, theres a lot of negative, horrible things that happen, but they always pass eventually.

You should be super proud of yourself for finding it in yourself to get whatever you got done, done. You got this. Can you find a way to take a day off work and everything to give yourself that break that you deserve?

Getting panic attacks since today morning. It is 3:36 pm now. Took a xanax and trying to relax.
I am looking forward to going back to usa with all my heart, body and soul. I hope to be back by dec 31 this year. God please make this happen soon. India has always treated me horribly.

What benzo helps you the most? For me it is xanax.

Had another horrible night last night, woke up at 3 so anxious and ready to be done. I did take an extra dose of meds again, and managed to get back to sleep eventually. This morning I feel more hopeful. I guess this is my new dose of meds, which I'm not happy about increasing the dose, but grateful there's something to quiet my crazy brain, and allow me to sleep.

I don't feel suicidal so much during the weekday morning and afternoons, my mood usually lifts somewhat. It's during the late evenings and then again early mornings. I know what's triggering it, just no options, that I can see to change the situation. So glad I get those breaks from the really really dark states of mind, but just wish I had someone in real life to be a sounding board, maybe have some advice for me. Someone who was more aware of my choices and options and what help is available. There are some numbers to call, I may get the courage to call one day, maybe help me make a 5 year plan for getting out of this situation - that could bring me a bit of hope.

Shortbread - I'm with you re the horrible nights, taking meds just to get some sleep and feeling like death warmed up the next day.
The ever-present suicidal ideation is exhausting. Worse when you know what's causing it but can do nothing to change the situation.
Can so relate to all that.

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I feel very sad. I lost my favorite therapist because she is quitting at the end of the month. The new one is terrible. She's not helpful at all. I may try to find another therapist. Hopefully, I find one that pays attention to what I say. It's late at night. I wish I could sleep. But that will mess up my schedule for tomorrow and I have an appointment. So I will stay up for a little bit.

I'm so sorry about losing your therapist, @Deilla!

Very low energy today morning, seems to be a power shutdown in my brain. Feel very drowsy too and can't get out of bed. Very much frustrated.

I feel like there's something wrong with me. I can't find a good replacement therapist. Most of them ignore half of what I say and don't offer much support. I feel sad and all alone. I don't feel like my Cymbalta is helping. I wonder if I should increase the dose. Maybe I would sleep better and feel happier. One therapist kept telling me that happiness is a choice. How can it be when you just feel so bad on the inside?

I guess Cymbalta takes about 6-8 weeks to take effect like most ADs. Hope you feel better soon.

@Deilla, I hope you can find a more supportive T soon.

I feel sad and lonely tonight. It's getting late. I wonder if I should take a nap. Maybe I need sleep to reset me. I don't feel like playing my game. My game is depressing me. I have no one to play with. I thought I might have a therapist. But then today I found out they don't take medicare. So I still have no one. I don't know what I will do.

I'm feeling sad & apprehensive at the moment.

I'm ruminating tonight over all the medical appointments I need. It's stressing me out and making me want to just give up. It would be nice to fall asleep permanently. I can't handle it. I always have a medical appointment. I am getting the booster shot next week and in 2 weeks I'm being seen about my knee. I need a Shingles shot, a mammogram, a woman's wellness and another back appointment. I am tired. I don't want to do anymore.

I'm feeling sad and lonely tonight. I've been ill these past few days and I am tired. I'm getting the Covid test tomorrow. It will be 72 hours before I get the results. I couldn't find a rapid testing site. I am trying to relax. Maybe I should just go to bed and meditate.

I've been a little bit depressed off & on today, but much better than recently. Hang in there everybody!

I'm irritable. I'm sick of explaining myself. I'm sick of aging. I want my youth back. I want to yell. I want to be able to fight back, and then fight off every abuser and attacker in my past and win. I want justice. I am tired of seeing people getting away with crime and unlawfulness. I'm tired of corrupt politicians. I'm tired of hateful people in the world. I'm tired of all the stupid games this world is playing. I wished that people just understood. I'm tired of all this!

I love the dancing chilli or hot dog. I saw it as a hot dog, but it said chilli LOL.

I also like some of the fun emoticons. That cheers me up, even when I'm upset.

<- This is pretty much how I'm feeling now. So not as mad. I'm sipping on caffeine-infused grape Crystal Light. I really want coffee, but I'm too tired to deal with the machine and the cleanup.

I waited all day for an important call. I never got the call. I've had a lot of anxiety. Now it's depression. I may get the call tomorrow or Saturday. I just wish I knew when. Things are crazy for me right now. I'm trying hard to relax.

It's getting late and so I'm getting depressed. But I've been so busy today I haven't played my game. And I want to play. It makes me happy. But I'm so afraid that I am too tired for it to do any good. I'm sad and I don't really know why. I've had a lot of good things happen. Maybe a nap will help.

Dear @Deilla, I hope your nap will bring you much energy & many good feelings. I, for one, feel thankful that you are here with us.