Depression Vent Room for Misfits

When I’m overwhelmed and have a lot on my mind, I make a list and pause.

Yes. I take a pause.

•I watch a Marvel movie or something with supernatural elements instead of anything serious.

•I polish my nails.

•Eat a lot of veggies, fresh fruits and drink lots of water.

•I rest, get plenty of sleep.

•I do this self care for about 3 days.

I learned that being overwhelmed triggers my depression….hashimoto and so on.

Also taking a step back and focusing on self care will help make sure I H.A.L.T. first.

Afterwards, I wake up feeling refreshed and ready to be productive.

Thursday morning I felt like this and spent two hours typing up e-mails.

Then I washed my laundry and went to the library.

I practiced my Native Indigenous language and discussed plans for Kwanzaa.

I’ve been dealing with anxiety. I pause and the burning in my chest stops.

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I had a long talk with my adult daughter about this yesterday (Thursday).

I’m upset because as a immunologist, Dr. M. has book knowledge of my two rare diseases…

She’s aware anaphylaxis is a symptom of both my rare diseases..

It’s important to give people grace and not attempt to give unsolicited advice/judgement on illnesses you do not personally have.

It’s difficult being stressed out and trying to convey online what happened step by step. Convey what happened online just to get it off your chest and process what happened.

Me and both immunologists in the practice have been working for months…since April to get my immune system ready/prepared to handle the COVID-19 vaccines.

I’ve been taking treatments since April. The thought was that the treatments would block/alleviate triggering my rare diseases.
Once my rare diseases are triggered, therein lies a problem. A problem that can lead to anaphylaxis if not quickly controlled.

It was hard telling Dr. M., all the symptoms I experienced. Certain symptoms from my rare diseases can be very difficult to talk about or say out loud.

The problem is Dr. M. did not have another solution. My treatments were increased in October and still didn’t work to block the symptoms.

Last month she mentioned a medication, compound, which is not covered by insurance and outside of the budget.

The biggest obstacle is my rare diseases are not under control or being controlled by treatments or medications.

Controlled as in reduction in severity of flare ups from triggers.

I explained to my adult daughter why I prefer peer lead vs therapy.

I feel and view therapist as hierarchy vs peer lead is centered on being equals.

Dr. M. has a medical license however her knowledge is purely from books vs someone that lives with rare diseases.

I have lived with one of my rare diseases since birth, I’m 45. I’m an expert on my body.

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I won't see family today. Things have been canceled. And I'm not invited anywhere tomorrow. My mother is celebrating Christmas with her family but didn't invite me. She doesn't care that I'll be all alone. She doesn't care about me.

I’m looking forward to Kwanzaa. It’s not about being super happy, putting on a smile, gifts or eating….

It’s about gathering with my kids, remembering our ancestors that paved the way for us….

Connecting with those ancestors and not forgetting their sacrifices. Not forgetting old ways and continuing our roots….

Not forgetting how they came to this continent by force and violence.

Continuing to decolonize and stay connected to our ancestral roots, languages, values and principles.

I blog to brain dump, process, brainstorm and clear my thoughts, this is my method.

It’s important to not try to police others. I don’t share my feelings with certain people because they feel the need to try to fix things vs just listening and being supportive without giving unsolicited advice.

When my kids share something with me. I ask, “do you want me to just listen or would you like feedback, would you like my opinion?”

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I wish that I didn’t have depression. Since taking medicine? I am much better.

I'm glad Christmas is over. It was a horrible day. Today is not much better. I know my family could invite me over now, but they won't. Nobody loves me.

I actually believe I need my therapist to feel good. I need her support and validation every day. I need to change that belief and trust that I can support and validate myself. It's going to be hard to do, but I will try.

I'm so sorry people, I have neglected this thread. Ironically, I have been feeling very sad off & on, & trying not to be a dark cloud for others when too many of you are hurting quite enough. At the moment I am forced to accept a perplexing & sad change that hurts a lot. But you know how it is, we accept how we contributed to the outcome & try to improve. I'm sorry if I have hurt you. You deserve to have a place where it feels like others are in your corner, really there for you. I'm so thankful for our forums here, & all of you.

I Agree but…Grace Doesn’t Need to be Used to Excuse or Continue Intergenerational Trauma.

•Growing Up Many of My Immediate Family Members Would Do or Say Something Harmful Etc..

•They Would Never Apologize to Each Other. My Mama and Siblings Still Do This.

•They Go Months Without Speaking. Then Act like Nothing Happened and Start Speaking but Nothing is Ever Resolved.

•Just like Any Relationship, Once Another Situation Happens, Each of Them are Arguing about Old **** and the New Situation.

•My Dad’s Side is Exactly the Same, Except They Go YEARS Without Speaking.

•This is a Toxic Pattern of Functioning in Dysfunction and It’s Exhausting.

•If I Did/Said Something, I Will Apologize Even If We Decided to Desolve Our Friendship, Relationship Etc.

•Sometimes Relationships, Interacting Needs to End or You Feed ‘Em with a Long Handled Spoon.

•The Hurt can be so Deep, Painful or Traumatic. People Don’t Have to “Forgive and Continue” the Relationship…Including Relationships with Family Members. Forgiveness is Not Required for Healing.

•People Can Choose to Solely Focus on Healing *🩹 the Hurt, Pain, Trauma and PTSD.

#intergenerationaltrauma #family #intergenerationalhealing #healing #grace #accountability #aplogize #apologieswithoutchange #change #forgivenessisnotrequiredforhealing #siblings #neglect #manipulation #indoctrination #relationships

@Deardopechick repost

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•I Just Need to Vent and Get My Feelings/Frustrations off My Chest. I’m not Seeking Feedback.

•I Often Feel People with Multiple Chronic Illnesses Have No Place or Voice in the Chronic Illness Community.

•Words Matter the Constant Use of Chronic Illness vs Chronic Illnesses Really Upsets me on Days that I Struggle.

•I’m Freaking Exhausted with Having Multiple Chronic Illnesses. I Feel like a Single Parent with Quintuplets.

•I Get one Chronic Illness Back to Baseline However the Others Get Triggered and I’m Dealing with More Flare Ups.

•The Constant Flare Ups Really Trigger My Depression.

•I’m Tired of being in Pain.

•I’m Tired of Missing Training/Workshops.

•I’m Tired of Feeling Nauseous.

•I’m Tired of Medical Bills.

•I’m Tired of ****** Health Insurance.

•I’m Tired of Fatigue.

•I’m Tired of Dealing with Vitamin Deficiencies.

• I’m Tired of Constantly Sleeping.

•I’m Tired of Chronic Hives.

•I’ve Tired of Swelling.

•I’m Tired of Figuring Out Which Chronic Illness is Causing Which Symptom.

•I’m Tired of Hashimotos, Fibromyalgia, Asthma, Alopecia, Chronic Urticaria and Angioedema.

•Today I’m also Tired of Crying.




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I'm glad you could vent here, Cocosurviving!

Cog-fog is kicking my butt at the moment. I'm trying to compose an email and just cannot think of the right words. It's one of those 'just on the tip of my tongue' things. Arghh!!

If I weren't so bothered about what the recipient thought, I wouldn't worry about the words I used; but trying to get across the point that I was negatively affected by what they said, whilst remaining polite enough so that the relationship doesn't totally fall apart..... is difficult.

It wouldn't be any easier to have this conversation with them verbally either, as I can (usually) express myself better in writing.

It's occured to me that in sending this email, I run the risk of totally p****** them off anyway, so do I have nothing to lose or everything to lose... not sure.

Maybe I should've just stayed in bed today.

@East17, from my own personal experience in a situation like this, I would at this point follow my instincts & not send the email. Instead, I would write all of my feelings & grievances on a sheet of paper, & after reading it several times, tear it up & put the pieces in my waste basket?

I think this is good advice in this situation! Sending hugs

I am not quite me

When I was one, I had just begun
When I was two, I was nearly new
When I was three, I was hardly me
When I was four, I was not much more
When I was five, I was just alive,
But now I am SIX .....

Respect and kind thoughts to all

I always felt like I was wanting to barge myself onto the scene even when it was clear I wasn't a part of it. I think being a part of the dance or cheer team or 4H would have done me quite a bit of good. Now I live with this emptiness. I was part of 4H camp as a little kid for maybe one year but I certainly don't remember it. As you can see, what good would that do me? It would have helped if I could have been part of it older so I would have remembered more of this type of good thing you know. I think there needs to be some kind of a real virtual reality activity or something that makes you seriously feel you're there when you're really not or not able to be part of the fun. I don't know. Just some wacky idea of mine. I know this sounds pretty dumb, but I can't help but feel that it would have made for some good memories to have remembered boating with other kids or shouting cheers or dancing to the latest music as part of a group. There's no great feeling like that. I didn't feel okay being alone in my room the other day. Then, I had a strong feeling of worthlessness today after I went out. It made me sad that going out didn't help me to feel better about myself at all because I was going for an appointment and got to do something more fun afterwards. I felt put down for it, by the person who was with me, but I was more than glad still to get away from the place. I sorely needed it. I have at times dreamed of being somewhere else other than where I'm reminded of the pain that I felt of feeling left out. I wish I could just dull this feeling worth less than.

Ups and downs

Downs
I was symptomatic for three weeks. Chronic Illnesses flare up. I attended three medical appointments last week… my primary care, endocrinologist and immunologist. I started another medication to control Hashimotos.

Fibromyalgia
I experienced a week of increased Fibromyalgia pain. I usually have a lot of pain in my legs, arms and tender points in my feet.
I have an appointment in two weeks with my Rheumatologist.

Depression
My depression is usually triggered by my chronic illnesses. I definitely have days I’m so frustrated with being symptomatic. I get upset about having a crapload of medical bills…..so much is not covered by insurance. I’ve applied for Medicaid multiple times and apparently I’m not poor, poor. I keep getting denied.

Venting
In a society that attempts to push toxic positivity on womxn, I’m glad groups and forums exist.
It helps to clear my head and frustrations. It’s a process to brainstorm and figure out solutions.
I really do get exhausted from chronic illnesses, health insurance bs, medical bills and out-of- pocket expenses not covered by health insurance.
It was hard receiving phone calls, letters and e-mails about multiple medical bills. They do not care if you make payments. Most hospitals don’t seem to relate to people who are on a fixed income and want medical bills paid off in 3-4 payments. They definitely fail to comprehend a lot of people with medical bills have several medical bills. I had medical bills sent to collections while I was making payments. I noticed that one hospital
listed the same medical bill twice. I did contact the credit bureaus.

Ups

I decided to space my medical appointments out more. I had appointments with specialists weekly and every two weeks. I started making detailed notes to get the most out of my appointments and having my provider check that I have refills.

When I’m symptomatic I sleep a lot. I took naps and went to bed a lot earlier than usual. I ate a lot of fresh vegetables and fruits.

I enjoy functional paper planning and attending virtual workshops. I use money management sheets to track my medical bills and the payments I make. I include the account numbers.

I pick workshops that interest me and align with the personal growth that I seek.
I popped in last week the last 30 minutes for two workshops (Monday and Thursday). Friday I participated in a full healing *🩹 gathering that lasted about 45 minutes.

I’m still going to bed early. My teenager school district is out of school this week. Parent Teacher conference is next week.

I’m excited that Feb 28th is Rare Disease Day. I have several autoimmune diseases but also have two rare diseases.

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Morning!

I took a long hiatus from Psych Central.
Does Tapatalk no longer give the option to give hugs ?

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You are not worthless here. You're not worthless period. Ideas like that are not worthy for any of us. Thank you, @modestlychee6463, for posting here.

Enjoying music solo isn't the same as dancing to it with others. You tend to have more energy, time, and enthusiasm when you're very young, too. I did enjoy showing off some gymnastics tricks with some dancing to see the furthest I could go. It's more fun to have peers to do it with though and you're less likely to feel ridiculous.