Depression Vent Room for Misfits

I expect a lot from my efforts and when they don't pay off, I get very upset. I wonder what I did wrong. I beat myself up and call myself a failure. I try so hard to succeed. It's been 2 years that I have tried various avenues. And nothing has worked out. I'm discouraged.

I've been feeling the futility emotion, which makes it harder than usual.

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I knew this was nothing to get excited about. It’s created by politicians who absolutely can NOT relate to everyday people or individuals with disabilities.

Politicians who work for the government and don’t worry about medical insurance and medical bills.

I’m very upset. I stopped receiving Xolair injections for Chronic Urticaria because I could no longer afford the office visits.

My immunologist said he would have someone look into this. I have an appointment next month to follow up.

My credit had multiple medical bills and a few were listed more than once. It doesn’t matter if you make regular payments the medical system expects people on a fixed income to pay a bill off in 3 payments. I keep a spreadsheet with all my medical bills and payments.

I have Medicare and don’t qualify for Medicaid. I’ve been denied multiple times because of income. There are so many medications NOT covered by Medicare.

I’ve had lab work NOT covered. My Endocrinologist is looking into why my last thyroid labs were denied and deemed NOT NECESSARY. Some days are a real struggle…

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I was supposed to have an important business call today. But the person never called or texted why they couldn't call. I'm supposed to work for this person. I don't trust him now. I don't trust him to pay me. In the past, he's told me to work until the client makes money. I quit. I refuse to work for him. This was an important call. I don't need this **** in my life. I was in a good mood. Now I am very sad.

I'm so sorry, @Deilla.

This week, Depression has been ok…so far.

My two rare diseases is another topic tho and usually are the reason I experience a peek in depression.

I’m sharing this post…this question is often asked to individuals with disabilities which is part of ableism.

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I hope today will be better.

A lot of things went wrong today. I still didn't get a call from my boss even after he told me he would call again. And when I said something, he *****ed at me and said he is late on his project. I'm supposed to be understanding. It's not professional at all. I give up on the call. If he wants me to work for him, he'll call me.

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I'm sorry I haven't checked in for a while. I hope you're all doing ok. I did better today than lately. Thank you, Skeezyks, for saying hello. And Fuzzybear, thank you.

All things considered, the Skeezyks is doing okay... Hope all other misfits will soon be able to say the same.

Thank you for the cool bear, dear @Fuzzybear!

I've been taking Clonazepam for... oh... a year or two now (memory fails me.) I was taking it to help control my anxiety / anger issues, plus it has (in the past) seemed to help quell my tinnitus (I had been on it once before for that purpose.) I also was taking it because my pdoc said it would help "smooth out" what had started out, years ago, as restless leg syndrome but which had gradually spread throughout my body.

For most of the time I was taking Clonazepam I was on 1.5 mg. per day. A couple of months back, however, I pumped it up to 2.0 mg. per day due to a sudden unexpected increase in my tinnitus. At this point though I'm not sure how much good (if any) it's really doing. So I've now cut back to 1.5 mg. per day again. I'll see how that goes for a while. And if that seems to work I may continue to reduce my dosage further & perhaps even see if I can get off of it altogether. I've read that the effectiveness of Clonazepam tends to wear off the longer one takes it; so it's typically prescribed for short-term use not long-term.

I don't like TWATS (those who are always terribly smug)

Not anyone on these forums

Much love to all

Thank you, Fuzzybear! We don't need smug people here, that's for sure. I think the way these forums work best is to recognize the value in each other, & like you say, show respect.

God love all of you, my beautiful friends! I am so lucky to have all of you! Thank you so much for being here! Lots of love to all of you!!

This week has been difficult, many difficult challenges I need to face as all of you do. But i wish my family was better off economically and they did not have to ask me for money. I am fighting depression, fighting to get my daughters back (in Japan of all places a country not of my own ) and plus the world becomes less tolerant to minorities for some reason and I wonder if I am in a War Zone, mental, economic, not yet violent, but Japanese could become Nazis in no time if they so wish. At which point I need to pack my bags and go and give my children to God. So many bad thoughts …. Please give me some advice friends..

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Dear @captaineo, I feel your difficulty. I don't know the answer that you need, but many of us here do care very much!

Ironically, I realize that I feel ashamed to post in this thread about myself. Do I think I'm supposed to have it all worked out for the rest of you? I know for sure that none of you are making me feel that way. You post here because you feel like misfits. So that's proof to me that someone(s) has/have taught you that you don't "fit in." So here I am, just me (a penguin? ) who feels depressed & feels like there's no safe place to vent. Oh, well. So here goes. I have voices. And sometimes it feels like I'm in a world that no one else can understand. So, I'm definitely a misfit. Recently, most of the time, I see that I'm a total mess.

((((((( Breaking Dawn )))))))