Depression Vent Room for Misfits

I feel like I should have known better than to expect good because well mother accidentally cracked the crockpot, and my laptop now won't reboot or restart. I hate that thing. I really do. I'm thinking of getting another trustworthy machine that's more reliable than those damn cheap ones that might not work right for you. laughs. everything bad seems designed to happen for me at the moment. I feel like hating everything. laughs. and I'm kind of hating life. laughs. Sure, you can depend on bad to happen to you in life. Maybe I should just throw that damn laptop away. laughs.

Dear @modestlychee6463, I don't have a laptop (I'm using a flip cell phone browser), but I plan on getting one. I think I'm learning through you that I should pay extra to be sure I get a good one. Thank you for sharing here. I hope you can get your laptop fixed or will be able to get a better one.

I have a good solution to the problem, thank goodness. I'm so happy I'm not having to get another one.

I had a tough day today. I had to deal with washing up, playing broken games, doing chores, dealing with no sun, etc. I wrote in my therapy room all day. My therapist usually responds by now but I haven't heard from her. I've had to write in my own journal and try to deal with it on my own. It's not so easy. Seems like the only thing I can do is go to bed. Tomorrow will be a new day. I just hope I can sleep. I guess it's time to take my meds.

Today I was on the sales floor, and it was very nice. I wish I wasn't as grumpy with people when I'm on the register. I just can't stand cashiering anymore. Today I thought about smoking all day long. I quit for a week but broke down and smoked all day yesterday, then today no cigarettes. I'm severely depressed and have suicidal thoughts because of it plus because of the fire plus the loss of a friendship and everything that goes with it...I'm losing hope on a lot of things.

Thank you for posting here, @LiteraryLark! With all the things you're mentioning, anyone would be depressed. I hope things will be better for you soon!

Today I could not get out of bed in the morning, I stayed in bed till about 4pm. I have not yet brushed my teeth or combed my hair. It is around 5:30pm now. I just had coffee. I'm getting worse with each day. Don't know what the future holds for me.

I'm feeling overwhelmed today. I have a lot to do around the house and I don't have the energy. I don't know what I will do.

I struggle with those things too. Thanks for sharing zapatoes and sprinkL3. I agree with this post.

Mean people suck Toxic, mean, abusive families super suck

I read somewhere in a book (I can give you the title if you would like) something like ''I will keep on doing my best even if my ''best sucks''..... (who says or has said that our ''best sucks'' or that ''we suck'' In my case the family of origin was neglectful, pathologically mean (but affluent) and abusive and chronically ''disappointed''

I agree with the other poster about how often this feeling of guilt and hurt originates from abusive and/or neglectful parents/families and then messages from society can reinforce this. I would like to add that nearly always those negative, blaming messages are WRONG.

This sounds like a good therapist

I'm very sorry your H said that East17

I do not share my darkest thoughts with my husband. He would not say anything like that but he would be sad and stressed

Thank you, @Fuzzybear! Bless your heart!

Sorry you struggle with those things, too, @Fuzzybear

I think SAD has me or maybe it's Sundowners. I start feeling lonely and sad around 4 pm. I used my sunlamp tonight and I'm going to try to play my game. I'm in the queue right now. I may have to go to bed.

To save some money, I put my therapy on a 2-week hold. It's going to be hard not having online therapy for that long. I guess I will try to journal more and post here as often as I can. I feel okay today. I am working on chores and getting ready to play some game.

I've been having moments when I just have to cry, & then I seem to switch into something that feels stronger.

@Breaking Dawn - ((( safe hugs ))) I'm so sorry you are struggling. I'm afraid of crying. I sometimes cry, but then an alter takes over and completes it for me. Or I am inside crying while an alter is outside handling life for me.

I hope you feel better.

I feel helpless and hopeless. Nothing I'm doing is working. I tried so hard to support myself. I'm just a creative failure. No one wants my music, art or books. I did the things I love but the money never did follow. I give up. I quit. It costs me more money to create things. I can't do it anymore.

I feel very depressed. I feel like a failure.

@Deilla - (((( safe hugs ))))

Don't beat yourself up or be too hard on yourself when it comes to business ventures and your creativity. Currently, there are inflation issues, and many people are being thrifty with their dollars. The focus for supply and demand these days includes necessity items (food, household needs, masks, sanitation supplies, healthcare savings or expenses, clothing). Unfortunately, for luxury items like arts, crafts, etc., I think people are not able to afford them because of this ongoing pandemic as well as ongoing political issues. Many businesses are suffering from this.

As far as books and journals are concerned, more and more people are using technology, which saves space, paper, trees, landfills, the environment, the climate, trash company overwhelm, donations overwhelm, etc. E-books are more in style for some (not all) consumers. Don't beat yourself up or take it personally when your things don't sell. Many entrepreneurs are struggling these days, and some have had to change careers altogether.

Your self-help may exacerbate feelings of loneliness, rejection, abandonment, and grief/loss at times - especially if you were neglected as a child (both emotionally and physically), and especially if you were also parentified as a child and/or teen (having to take care of a disabled parent, having to take care of a substance-abusing parent, having to take care of siblings, having to take care of household responsibilities - all the while not being appreciated or thanked for your altruistic actions and behaviors, feeling a sense of obligation whilst also feeling a sense of "nothing is ever good enough," etc.). In times when you feel this way, reach out for emotional support (in particular), which includes asking trustworthy friends or family specifically for emotional support and other-based care. For example, you can ask us here online for someone to tell you a joke, or tell you a bedtime story for your inner child (if you have one), or give you positive affirmations that we've noticed about you (such as I - collectively known as SprinkL3 - have seen you show your efforts and strengths in persevering with your coping and emotional processing here online, and then getting back up a day or two later to try, try again; those are some great accomplishments!), etc. You can also ask people in real life to meet you safely outside while you go for a walk outdoors, and you can require that they are boosted/vaccinated and masked, if that makes you feel more comfortable. You can ask them to please be gentle with you as you share your emotions and/or thoughts, and to ask them if it is too much to have them tell you in a kind way that it might be too much for them, so that you don't feel rejected. You can ask an online or in-person support group that is NOT anonymous (such as Zoom support groups or therapy-led support groups) to help validate your feelings.

As far as new business prospects, you can reinvent yourself and your career at any stage in life. I was recently reminded from a retired psychologist's blog that even a woman in her 100s was reinventing what she does in life before she dies, as she wants to make her relationships with others more meaningful, for example, as well as wanting to change her name. It was an interesting blog piece, but what I got out from that was that it is never too late to change course on our life's journey. Your life's journey includes your healing journey, physical health journey, career journey, hobby journey, socialization journey, and so much more. Ask yourself what things inspire you - for you, not necessarily for others. If you struggle with that question, explore that with your T and/or with trusted others. Find your passions again - with or without the need to please others through sales, through merchandise, through your creative inventions, etc. When you're happy about doing a hobby for yourself and only yourself, others will see that, regardless if what you create or do is something worth marketing. If your passion includes creativity, could it be blended with a different career prospect such as desktop publishing, becoming an art therapist, etc.? You could elect to save the creativity as a hobby (instead of a career) and then choose a career just to pay the bills and fulfill a societal need (instead of an internal one), but if that's the case, make sure work-life balance is there in your newfound career. Be open to all possibilities in life, because life is always changing.

Hang in there.

Your efforts are recognized and validated, even if you didn't get the outcome you initially expected.

''should'' I go back to that mean place where they ''don't like me''?

I'm sure plenty there do ''like me''.... but a few trolls and bullies decided I was ''too sensitive'' and made multiple mean, snide posts about me and even got me into ''difficulties'' with the mods.... I received a mean message.

These people are not ''dangerous''... at least not to me... but I found their behaviour ''offensive'''... as it was obviously intended to be.

They have no more right to be there than I do. In fact I was trying to be helpful in livening up an apparently ''ailing'' and ''too quiet'' board. This was before that ******** which everyone is talking about. Everyone apart from me, that is....

Sorry about the rant

Not about anyone on msf, past or present