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Breaking Dawn
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Heart Nov 19, 2021 at 10:10 PM
  #561
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Originally Posted by East17 View Post
It's 2am here in the UK. I went to bed early because I'd had enough of the day and just wanted to sleep. Now I'm wide awake, stressing about the days ahead and wishing I could go to sleep and never wake up.

I've spoken to T online this week, but it's not enough. I can't phone anyone at night 'cos it's not private. My H doesn't understand how bad things are. I tried to tell him a while back that I was having really dark thoughts. His response: 'if that's how you feel, just do it.'
Why would you say that to someone you supposedly love? Depression Vent Room for Misfits

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Dear @East17, thank you for posting here. I can feel & relate with so much of what you've said. This kind of pain is hard to explain to someone else. I'm hoping that something wonderful will happen for you soon, & you will see that light at the end of the tunnel. Take care, ok?

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Default Nov 20, 2021 at 06:43 PM
  #562
Guns can go shove it up their own barrels and squeeze to the point that they never operate ever again in any lifetime! War sucks! Violence sucks! Hate sucks! Murder sucks! Killing sucks! Harming sucks!
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Default Nov 20, 2021 at 07:11 PM
  #563
I'm going to bed early because I'm dreadfully lonely. I tried to play a game to pass the time. It didn't help. I tried texting some people. No one's really interested in talking. I just wish I could talk to someone who cares. No one cares. No one has time for me. I'm all alone. It hurts. All I can do is sleep.

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Heart Nov 20, 2021 at 07:26 PM
  #564
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Originally Posted by Deilla View Post
I'm going to bed early because I'm dreadfully lonely. I tried to play a game to pass the time. It didn't help. I tried texting some people. No one's really interested in talking. I just wish I could talk to someone who cares. No one cares. No one has time for me. I'm all alone. It hurts. All I can do is sleep.


I'm so sorry that no one is responding to your texts! That's sad. It could be that the people you know are super busy or perhaps have certain times when they respond to texts from those outside of their homes. I don't mean to minimize your pain or make excuses for them, but it's a possibility. Still, it's heartbreaking when we lack friends who do respond at least within 24 hours. I've had some family and friends ignore me completely, whereas other would get around to it in like a month or so. I understand the ones who work the front lines and overtime in hospitals (I know a few, so for that, I don't judge at all), but there are others who do have time and choose not to engage with me often. I try to respect the wishes of others when knowing that not everyone fits within certain circles, but it hurts the most when family does this or when friendships change.

Perhaps there are new friends you can try making, or new local support groups through Meet-in or Meet-up (if you're in the U.S.). Sometimes they offer local gatherings (though be careful with this during any surges in this pandemic), and other times they offer support via phone calls, chats, texts, etc.

Rest is good when you're not sure what to do with your emotions, but depression is not good. There are ways to fight all of these feelings, but it hurts to fight. I totally get that.

I don't know what you go through in terms of your mental struggles, but I'm thinking of you and hoping that someone texts or calls you and that you can enjoy time with others soon.

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Default Nov 20, 2021 at 09:06 PM
  #565
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Originally Posted by Deilla View Post
I'm going to bed early because I'm dreadfully lonely. I tried to play a game to pass the time. It didn't help. I tried texting some people. No one's really interested in talking. I just wish I could talk to someone who cares. No one cares. No one has time for me. I'm all alone. It hurts. All I can do is sleep.
((hugs)) @Deilla, I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. It hurts when you are in so much mental distress and no one sees it.

Yes sometimes sleep is the only way to block it all out. But remember you're not alone with this. We all care here.

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E x

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Default Nov 21, 2021 at 12:05 AM
  #566
Thank you! I woke up in the middle of the night and noticed that those family members finally responded. It was just too late though. One invited me over for something I was never told about. I'm not sure I want to go. My mom never told me about it. My brother doesn't talk to me. So I don't feel welcome even though my sister said I could go. I am disgusted with my brother. I don't care to see him. I know I should forgive and move on, but this is hard. I just want to stay home and conserve my energy for Thanksgiving. If my brother cared, he would come to visit me.

Sleep did help reset me. I feel better at the moment. I will try to get some more sleep. My pets are sleeping with me, which is really nice.

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Default Nov 21, 2021 at 01:00 AM
  #567
I am sad because I was broken as a child and now I cannot relate or connect to anyone. I am alone and I prefer it that way, but my biology betrays me. It craves social connections as I reject them, consciously creating a internal contradiction and making me tedious. I wish I wasn't me.
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Default Nov 25, 2021 at 11:05 AM
  #568
I'm depressed this morning and can't shower. I washed up the other day so I just freshened up today. I feel bad for not showering but I really can't handle it. I just want to stay home today. But it's Thanksgiving and it will be nice to see my mom. Today I don't feel very happy. I'm very tired and I'm very depressed. Maybe later will be better.

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Default Nov 26, 2021 at 03:54 PM
  #569
Today is a difficult day. I have no one to talk to. I tried to talk. I guess it's just not in the cards. I had 100 chores to complete but only had the energy to do 3 of them. I'm tired. I can't do anymore. I've been working all day. I've had no time to relax. It has me really depressed today.

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Default Nov 29, 2021 at 03:18 AM
  #570
I'm not looking forward to the zoom meeting later today. My own fault for saying I'd fit in with everyone else. But meeting at 4pm causes me a lot of unnecessary stress at home, so next time I'll say no to late afternoons.

The crazy thing is that it's voluntary, I'm not even getting paid for all the ***** I'm putting up with. It was supposed to be something to help other people and also something for me, to keep myself occupied while I'm at home all day.

Because of this meeting and needing to be mentally alert, I purposely didn't take all the stuff I usually take to knock me out, so consequently haven't slept well. The day hasn't even started yet and I'm already wishing it was over.

I don't see an end to this situation. Not until one of us isn't here anymore. The way things are going, that's likely to be me.

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Default Nov 29, 2021 at 05:34 AM
  #571
Feeling some sadness right now.

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Default Nov 29, 2021 at 10:32 AM
  #572
I'm just so lonely lost hopeless and broken.
I'm tired of being forced to live.

The guilt of how everyone will feel keeps me here.

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Default Nov 30, 2021 at 07:40 PM
  #573
Am I a failure? I feel sad and ashamed because I rescheduled my PT appointment. I couldn't take a shower today. And I'm supposed to find a mailbox and mail something. I can't cope with these things. I'm afraid. I couldn't pick up my meds. So I had them shipped to me. Simple things are so scary for me. I'm a worthless human being.

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Default Dec 01, 2021 at 09:24 PM
  #574
I'm upset that more people were hurt from the hands of firearm owners or from negligent parents who provided firearms to their children. I'm upset at the shooting incident in Michigan. I think they are trying the 15 year-old suspect as an adult, and one of the charges includes terrorism, in addition to murder charges, etc.

Given all the hate going on with many groups against other groups, it makes me both angry and scared that I'd be a target one day. They already had a local shooting where I live, which involved a suspect targeting minorities, which included three fatalities. It was at a mall that I shopped at when I first moved here. I just can't believe how close to home these shootings are.

My best friend was murdered when she was 15 or 16 years old. She was shot in the chest by some man who followed her home. I will never forget the information that her family (her half-sister) shared with me and my family. They never include the non-family friends in the notification requirements before publishing a news article, but thankfully I heard from her family. Still, I find myself going back to that news article every year to read how my best friend was killed. It is there forever.

Unless you have ever been a victim of vicarious trauma and had a deceased loved one's name put in the news - even for just a small few articles that don't even make national news, you will never know what that feels like. It is a painful artifact. It is a painful reminder about grief, loss, and danger.

And even then, as I am aware, I can't imagine the depths of pain that murder victim families must feel when their deceased love one makes national news. It's painful on such deeper levels, I suppose. What's even more painful is either the suspect getting away or the suspect not receiving just deserts for their crimes.

I'm venting because I'm angry and scared for my well-being, my daughter's well-being, my family's well-being, my friends' well-being, and society in general.
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Default Dec 03, 2021 at 12:55 AM
  #575
Maybe I should throw my laptop in the freaking trash. It won't restart, or reboot, or automatically repair. Maybe it's just hopeless. I don't know. I tried thinking of shortcuts but I doubt it would work anyway. I just hate it.
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Default Dec 03, 2021 at 01:10 AM
  #576
I feel like I should have known better than to expect good because well mother accidentally cracked the crockpot, and my laptop now won't reboot or restart. I hate that thing. I really do. I'm thinking of getting another trustworthy machine that's more reliable than those damn cheap ones that might not work right for you. laughs. everything bad seems designed to happen for me at the moment. I feel like hating everything. laughs. and I'm kind of hating life. laughs. Sure, you can depend on bad to happen to you in life. Maybe I should just throw that damn laptop away. laughs.
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Heart Dec 03, 2021 at 06:25 AM
  #577
Dear @modestlychee6463, I don't have a laptop (I'm using a flip cell phone browser), but I plan on getting one. I think I'm learning through you that I should pay extra to be sure I get a good one. Thank you for sharing here. I hope you can get your laptop fixed or will be able to get a better one.

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Default Dec 04, 2021 at 05:49 PM
  #578
I have a good solution to the problem, thank goodness. I'm so happy I'm not having to get another one.
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Default Dec 05, 2021 at 07:11 PM
  #579
I had a tough day today. I had to deal with washing up, playing broken games, doing chores, dealing with no sun, etc. I wrote in my therapy room all day. My therapist usually responds by now but I haven't heard from her. I've had to write in my own journal and try to deal with it on my own. It's not so easy. Seems like the only thing I can do is go to bed. Tomorrow will be a new day. I just hope I can sleep. I guess it's time to take my meds.

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Default Dec 05, 2021 at 10:24 PM
  #580
Today I was on the sales floor, and it was very nice. I wish I wasn't as grumpy with people when I'm on the register. I just can't stand cashiering anymore. Today I thought about smoking all day long. I quit for a week but broke down and smoked all day yesterday, then today no cigarettes. I'm severely depressed and have suicidal thoughts because of it plus because of the fire plus the loss of a friendship and everything that goes with it...I'm losing hope on a lot of things.
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