Depression Vent Room for Misfits

Not too bad today. Sleeping better without caffeine.

Trying my very best right now.

Yesterday's gone and tomorrow may never be mine...Lord help me today, show me the way...give me the strength to do everyday what I have to do....

You ok? What's going on?

I'm physically very sick down. Feeling dizzy, lightheaded and exhausted all the time. Plus strong nausea. The doctors suspect that the oxygen level in my brain is going down, not as much to cause death or coma, but enough to make me feel horribly sick.
Feeling physically sick all the time is taking a toll on my mental health as well. I feel I can't go on any more.
Sorry for the negative thoughts, hope I'm not triggering you.
Stay well.

I got off the caffeine wagon (black tea) a few months ago now. I don't know if getting off improved my sleep since I take Clonazepam & that pretty-much knocks me out at night regardless. But I was surprised at how much of the energy I had during the day, while I was still drinking black tea, was fueled by the caffeine in it. Sometimes I think I should take up the practice again to see if it would perk me back up. But now that I'm off, I really prefer to stay off. So my plan is to stick with Camomile when I want a hot beverage... which I'm sure I will come late autumn & winter.

22:40 in India. I feel dizzy, lightheaded, weak and exhausted, feel like I'm going to collapse and pass out any moment. Plus severe nausea.
Hope the oxygen level in my brain increases soon...I really feel very very sick.

Wonder if it's related to your meds and the heat? My psych meds make me much more sensitive to the heat. When it gets too hot now, I literally vomit.

I'm sorry you're so ill this way, Mimi. I was wondering, have you tried bending over to get more blood to the brain? I hope you start to feel better very soon.

Thanks Breaking Dawn. Bending over means getting my head closer to the ground like when we touch our feet in stretching exercises?
I don't know if I can ever go back to USA, if the US government will allow me to come back, but if it happens ever I would like to meet you and extend this virtual friendship to a real one. I don't have any friend here in India and my biological parents don't care much about me though they provide me free food and shelter.

No down, it is cerebral hypoxia. But not so severe to cause death or coma. I feel dizzy and lightheaded too, not only nauseous. I have had several falls bc of this. I also experience confusion, memory loss and cognitive problems and disorientation and uncoordinated movement from time to time.
Moreover I have an ac in my room. So it is not bc of the heat. Also I.have been taking the same psych meds for a long time now. So the meds can't be responsible.

Feeling dizzy, lightheaded and faint. Plus strong nausea and acid reflux from time to time. The oxygen level in my brain must be dropping again. My body feels numb.

Plus I have diarrhea. My belly and an*s feel tender and are hurting. II have a burning sensation in them. I also have a burning sensation in my chest. I took an ativan 2mg to sleep away the pain. I can't bear the pain any more.

Idk what I have done to deserve this! Idk who to reach out to for help except God. So God please help me, please have mercy on me.

Oh dear Mimi, what does your doctor say about all of this? Could it possibly be like a case of comorbidity, like more than one illness, all at the same time? I hear that happens sometimes. What if your doctor is really busy & sometimes doesn't see everything?.....And that thing I said about bending over, yes, like you're touching your toes. I was told, when I felt like I was going to faint, to hang my head down between my knees. It worked. So I found out later that my brain needed the oxygen in the blood.

Dear Breaking Dawn, thanks for your support. My GP died recently from covid and I'm yet to find a new doctor. I am sure that I'll be much healthier if I can return to USA. But I worry if that's going to happen ever. Or will I live this life of an almost invalid eternally. Idk why the US government does not like me, what did I do to earn their apathy to me?!
Anyway, it will be what it will be...
But I'm not giving up hope before I die....hope will keep me alive.
Thanks again.

I'm very lonely right now. Within the next two weeks, I won't have to worry about being alone again. It's just that in the interim, it's very difficult. I feel very sad tonight.

i'm so depressed and alone. i kept falling asleep today for an hour here and there. now i'm worried i can't sleep at night and i'll be up tossing turning and i ache everywhere. too much whining but i have no one to vent to.

I’m very hard on myself for being human and making mistakes. I hold myself to standards that I’d never impose on others. Beating myself up for an unfortunate decision in regards to a relationship from the past.

I have no answers. I want answers. But got none.

I feel alone. I don’t even understand how I feel. No one does.

I don’t belong. Why would anyone want me around?

Misfits is the word and I’m glad I can across this thread tonight.

Thank you for joining us, @Violetta75. I so understand. I have similar difficulties. Many of us here feel what you are saying, from personal experience. Depression can be very painful. Please keep posting?

Dear @June55, thank you so very much for deciding to post here. I, as others here, have felt like a misfit since childhood. By gathering together here, we can end up feeling that being a misfit is ok. Let's help help each other develop strength & the feeling of acceptance?

Yes please everyone......I'm someone most people have used like a doormat. As Breaking Dawn says, let's please accept one another as we are and tell ourselves that we too belong.

Do you ever feel pressure to go on an ssri because crying when stressed and overwhelmed is not “normal” to some? It’s a personal choice and not always the answer for everyone. Just curious.

I’m glad to belong with all us misfits!

Thank you, @June55! Meds never seemed to work for my uncontrollable crying & fear. I learned a better way of thinking from a good therapist who taught cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and a magazine that taught me how physical exercise sends oxygen & nutrients to the brain. I have fallen off the horse, so to speak. But I am trying to get back on that horse. I've done it before. So I know it's possible. I'm wishing you luck, June55!

You give me courage zapatoes. Thank you.