[Deilla]

I feel stressed this morning. I don't think I got enough sleep. I have lots I have to do today. I would take a nap now but I'm waiting on a delivery.

[3rd rock]

I really hate everything about myself.

[3rd rock]

My most recent project has three ratings on Amazon, one five-star in two four-star. So that's good I guess.

[Breaking Dawn]

I wish I could get me some energy.

[Deilla]

I just found out what my co-pay will be for a carpal tunnel release and I don't have any way to pay for it. I really need the surgery but it's not possible. I guess I will keep getting injections. I feel terribly disappointed and defeated.

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

My most recent project has three ratings on Amazon, one five-star in two four-star. So that's good I guess.

That sounds very good to me.

[imchet]

Finally, I seem to be trending up while still having ups and downs the addition of a second generation antipsychotic and TMS seem to be helping. I'm daring to feel a bit more hopeful.

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My friend and I had an upsetting phone call last night. He had told some people at his house yesterday that I'm lonely, depressed and want to kill myself. I asked him why did he ever bring that up while talking to others. He couldn't answer me and hung up. So we're going to split up. And, the way, I am not thinking of ending it all and never have.

I don't understand it. I was being nice and generous to him yesterday because I went to pick him up at his house and bring him over to my place. The reason for it is because his wife was hosting a bridge party with her friends. I went out of my way for him because he had no place to go with having a bad back from a fall he had a couple of weeks ago. Also his eyesight is not good.

I try to be so nice and helpful to people and this is the thanks I get. I guess I'll just remain lonely because there are no good people around anymore. It seems like people are just takers and not givers.

[hvert]

I'm thinking this morning about the sad state of my friendships. I want to go hiking today but can't even think of anyone who might want to come. I often hike alone and enjoy it but it would be nice to know someone nearby who also liked to hike.

[Breaking Dawn]

I've fulfilled some important goals lately. Many more I still need to do. I'm hoping I can accomplish more today.

[Deilla]

I feel somewhat okay at the moment. I was sad this morning. I felt very alone. I no longer have a therapist. I have tried looking for a new one and no one's accepting new patients. So I am journaling, posting here, playing games and doing chores. Later I will meditate.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m honestly not having the post op depression like I thought I would. I read somewhere that the more surgeries you have the easier the recovery is. So I’ve had 3 in less then a year and I’m not feeling the severe depression I felt the first and second time. Some days this past week were better then others though. I did feel a bit down in the dumps about my sisters behavior towards me. Then that caused some issues. But those issues were more stress and food related then depression related.

But no I don’t feel like my personality was changed at least not in a bad way, and I’m not in severe pain that would contribute to depression. This has all been pretty surprising.

[Buffy01]

I been feeling really depressed lately especially today. Everything that I had done today has been wrong. I feel like I need three scoop of ice cream with lots of hot fudge and Carmal and candy on top with the kind of day I had.

[rjdb]

At home and watching my son. I cannot stop stressing about work.

[regretful]

It's just hard to be in this depressed state. Nothing seems to matter; even some of the things that used to bring me enjoyment - like spending time with family and friends - is no longer fulfilling. This is such a conundrum to me because I know what it takes to get out of this depression - I just don't have the energy to do any of what it takes. I do sincerely wish all of you well in your personal struggle with this invisible monster.

[D-a-n]

Stress and anxiety: 10/10
Depression: 6/10
Confidence: 2/10
Ability to see a positive future: 0/10

[Deilla]

I finally found a therapist. I asked my med provider. I have an appointment this Wednesday. I am so pleased.

[cinnamonsun]

Getting ready to make my morning tea and put together some plans or intentions for the day. I found an essential oil for letting go, and am experimenting with it. I've never really tried aromatherapy, I'm willing to see if it helps. I want to read some books and maybe do some artwork. My mood isn't in the best place, but I'm thankful I was able to sleep, and maybe it can be a good day.

[regretful]

What makes matters worse with depression is to have what I feel is no purpose in life. Depression is an evil companion, and I wish all of you the best in your struggle.

[cinnamonsun]

I did a...I will call it a ritual where I just made a simple list of beliefs, habits, and ideas that no longer serve me, spoke them out loud, and then ripped up the pieces of paper. I did this again with people I needed to forgive and let go of. This did bring me some peace. I want to start over with a clean slate.

Sometimes when we are walking down a path, we feel we are leaving something behind. And we are. But there's also a path ahead of us...and there's a lot down the path that we haven't experienced yet. So despite leaving something behind, you are also on the journey to something new.

That is where my thoughts are tonight.

I've been having some anxiety and depression today. It's all about my trip coming up in a few days from now. It's been a long time waiting to go since I had planned this some time ago but didn't do it because of the pandemic last year. This is what I call a personal/business trip, it's more like business than it is pleasure. I'm going to scout out the area to see if I want to move there.

I feel depressed that I'm having to move out of where I am now because it's too costly and there's not much greatness going for me here. This sort of reminds me of that song "Driving My Life Away" by Eddie Rabbit.

Other than that, I took a long bike ride today and it was an ideal day to do it. Very bright and sunny but the air was nice, cool, and crisp. An ideal kind of day for a bike ride.

[Deilla]

I'm feeling sad and lonely. My family doesn't treat me well. For the most part, they don't care about me. I need to find my own tribe. I'm trying. I have some good friends. I need to try to make more friends, especially in my games.

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm feeling a combination of gratitude & sadness.

[cinnamonsun]

I have grief and sadness in my heart for what I've had to let go of. But also, optimism that I can meet new people and find a new community. I miss, more than anything, having a creative outlet. Where I can share my poetry, writing, creativity, and randomly inspired thoughts. I am seeking a new place to do this. I'm sure one can be found.

Change is scary and can leave you breathless and vulnerable because it's unfamiliar. It never feels that good to leave a comfort zone. And your mind might say a lot of things that are untrue about why you need this change. But deep down, we all need change sometimes, right? If we are to grow and evolve. I think stagnation can be more suffocating than change. This is what I'm thinking about this morning with my tea.

[regretful]

It is such a sense of despair that I feel. I was weeping last night for the first time in quite a while; maybe that's a sign of progress because I'm actually "feeling" this depression now? I do hope so. As usual, I wish all of you well in your struggle with this invisible and persistent annoying monster.