[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

I am deeply depressed because of the failure of my limited attempt to write an erotic novel. I will write one more and I expect to finish it by the end of October. Then I will give up on erotic fiction. I have an idea for a new literary novel, which consists of a group of people narrating their lives through the medium of an internet website. I've been sitting on this idea for a couple of years and after the failure of my erotic books I might try it.

Your literary novel idea sounds really interesting.

[3rd rock]

Yeah it's an interesting idea, but my execution would be boring and unreadable.

[Mountaindewed]

My depression today is just situational. Not SAD. Basically I have a crappy useless therapist and an insurance company that doesn’t know how to do things the correct way. My PMDD is not helping either. At least I don’t feel sick from my flu shot yet although that may come later in the night or Tomorrow.

Lately I have been pretty busy unexpectedly, which is nice. But when the activities are over, then I'm feeling low. I feel bad about telling my sister to not call me. I'm having some guilty feelings about it. Also my only friend hasn't been calling me much lately because he's not well. He hasn't been the same since he went on that cruise. While he was on the cruise, he seemed grouchy when he called me. After the cruise he had fall at a friend's house that he and his wife were visiting. And yet this had to happen at the time when I told my sister not to call me anymore.

Also I was not happy with the election results from yesterday. It dashed my hopes of possibly staying where I am even though, as of now, I'm not crazy about where I am. But I dread having to make a move, but now I have more of a reason to leave the State where I am. I try not to discuss politics on here and I personally feel like it's not a good thing to do on a mental illness forum as it can cause division. It's just that I had a strong feeling about that election.

[regretful]

Tired...depressed...grieving, too. I wasn't too close with him, but my father-in-law died last week. I'm sad for my wife...and I'm on the verge of feeling hopeless again. Depression is a terrible and unwelcome companion.

[Deilla]

I've been vape-free for almost 24 hours. It's been hard emotionally. I've been sleeping a lot.

[shortbread]

Hi, I'm new. I hope it's okay to just jump in this thread

I'm stuck in the "my life is crap and I'm trapped in it" trying to focus on accepting what I cannot change and find the good in my life - and it's really tough.

I want to run away, just abandon my demanding husband and cat, but I love them both so much and I know they would suffer without my care. But I can't help but feel like my depression would lift if I could just be responsible for only myself. But I would be too consumed with guilt to enjoy my new life. So, while it's my decision to stay, it's not an easy one. So I struggle a lot with SI because then I would be free of this life and I would not suffer the shame and guilt of wanting to be free. *sigh*

And who's to say I wouldn't struggle with depression if I was on my own, so you know, damned if I do, damned if I don't

I have some good days, but many bad ones. I escape a lot with binge watching and food. I do positive constructive things too, but they're all things I do alone.

Looking for connection and limited financially and with poor mental health...I do my best to stay hopeful and positive, but it's tough.

sorry for the rambling post ...I hope some of it made sense, I'm not used to talking about myself and I'm probably not very good at explaining my situation.

Thank you to anyone who as read this

[Sunflower123]

Feeling fatigued, burned out and depressed with SI. It’s a good thing I meet with my med provider on Monday and my therapist on Tuesday. I’ll try to hold out until then.

[Deilla]

Today is day 2 of being vape-free. It's still very hard. The only thing I can do is sleep.

[regretful]

Still quite a bit depressed...my mood has been such that I feel as if I've been depressed for most of my life. Though I know that not to be true, depression is, if nothing else, a skillful liar...So I keep pressing on, hoping for that remission that I once had. I wish all of you well in your personal struggle with this horrible affliction.

[shortbread]

I started feeling better yesterday. I was worried about my cat, she'd not been eating much in the previous 24hours and I was worried something was seriously wrong. She had been eating plain cooked chicken, with a bit of pumpkin but nothing else. Desperate, I offered her a small amount of food that was sent to us by mistake and she ate it eagerly, and with no ill effects. *phew* But I don't think it was just the relief of my cat not being ill, but I think reaching out on here, this forum, breaking my isolation helped too

The air quality is better this morning, I have bad allergies and asthma and poor air quality (wildfire smoke or heavy pollen) can prevent me from doing things that help with my depression.

Congratulations, Delia and being Vape-free for 2 days!

Jennifer I hope the visit with your therapist and med provider bring you the help you need.

regretful Indeed, depression is a skilful liar -well said. That knowledge - that depression tells lies, has gotten me through to see the next day many, many times. I've had a few window in my depression this year, for the first time in years, they're no long window, just a day or two in the midst of weeks of feeling like it's all too hard and not worth it - but I'm so glad I was still here to enjoy those precious few days.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m still down in the dumps. I haven’t heard any news today from anyone about anything. And now it will be Monday at the earliest before I hear anything. I just sat with my phone for the majority of the day. I went out for a couple hours this morning but it was just anxiety provoking the whole time. So I’ll probably be inside all weekend

I can’t wait until my general anxiety meets my SAD and post op depression. But I truly believe I’ll feel better by late November hopefully.

[Cocosurviving]

Being on Disability Does Not Mean I'm 'Lazy' or 'Lucky'

“I have been told the following quotes recently after people finding out I’m on disability:
1. “You’re so lazy, you don’t do anything all day.”
2. “You’re so lucky to not have to work.”
3. “Man, I wish I had your problem.”
I hear these on a regular basis. I suffer from debilitating chronic pain as well as a handful of mental health issues, and I can honestly say I am not lucky or lazy. In fact these words are quite hurtful.

So to those who said these comments, please take this into consideration:

1. I can’t work because I am always in pain. If it felt like someone was stabbing you in the abdomen every two seconds, would you?

2. I am not lazy. I physically cannot move. Yep, that means I can hardly even walk two steps without crying some days.

3. My day revolves around medication, doctor visits, and even finding the strength to get out of bed. Please tell me how you would want this. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

4. I miss working and socializing. This is not fun. I miss being a “productive” member of society and doing what I love.

5. It takes a lot of fight to even get on disability. It takes endless documents and months to process. I am on it because I need it. I am not lazy or lucky. However, being on disability is something that I am not ashamed of. Although, with comments like these, some days I feel like it’s something I should be. Please take time to consider why someone is on disability, or even better, look into it. It actually takes a lot of courage and strength.
For those of you who are on it – never be embarrassed! You are not lucky or lazy, you are doing the best you can. We should be applauded for going through what we are. Disability and all.”

Being on Disability Does Not Mean I’m ‘Lazy’ or ‘Lucky’ | The Mighty

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[Deilla]

I feel sad and disappointed in myself. I canceled some important doctor appointments because I don't want to leave my house.

[Breaking Dawn]

Yesterday I experienced lots of ups, but then things somehow slipped into downs. Today, so far, I'm not really sure what kind of day it is.

[shortbread]

Feeling down today.

[Deilla]

I'm feeling stressed and worried. I will try to distract myself. I'm worried about something that is a week away.

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm still drinking coffee, trying to get untired.

Today was a pretty ordinary day, except that the beginning and ending of the day sucked. The beginning was bad because I was having breakfast and there was a very loud noise outside with the road construction. So it ruined my breakfast. Tonight the jacuzzi at where I live was cold. Something malfunctioned with it.

After the jacuzzi I talked with my friend. I felt like it didn't go well. It's not his and/or my fault it didn't go well. He's in excruciating pain from a fall he had a couple of weeks ago. Even though it's been diagnosed that there's nothing broken by X-ray, I think there's some major problem. His pain hasn't gone away one bit with taking medications for it. He's naturally a grumpy guy anyways, but all that pain is not making him better, if you know what I mean.

[regretful]

Sometimes it feels like you're a passive observer of your life. You know that there are things seriously wrong, but there are so many things wrong that you don't know where to start to fix them. I'm just so sad again...didn't think I'd be in this predicament again. I wish all of you well in your struggle with this brutal illness.

Nothing much to do for today. I plan on a long bike ride later on, but it seems like it's going to be very hot outside. This day has started out being hot already.

This morning I got a message from the management of the apartment I live at. It was a "reminders" kind of message; meaning that violations have happened. The message had a greeting saying, "dear ______ " (with my name inscribed) but it looked like a template or form letter to everyone else. I took it as being directed at me. But there were some violations that doesn't apply to me (such as dogs, which I don't have). So maybe it wasn't directed at me. The concern I had was about the jacuzzi from last night because I had touched the emergency switches, which wasn't supposed to happen. I did it because the jacuzzi was working strangely. I should have reported it, but I feel shy about having to report problems. I've reported problems so many times and I don't want to be a pain in the butt. Unfortunately there are some people living at my place who are inconsiderate of others.

I woke up feeling anxious about the trip coming up next month and having to move out sooner or later. I'm depressed because I wish I could be content and settled at where I am now. But getting that message this morning has encouraged me all the more to leave; among many other things going on in my area. It's like someone out and around is telling me to leave.

[88Butterfly88]

My depression isn't too bad today. Hopefully it stays that way.

[Deilla]

I have an appointment on Friday. I'm stressed about it.

Feeling down for most of the day today and tonight. Very hot outside today and tonight and I tend to get depressed on hot days. Of all things, the jacuzzi is working tonight. Really weird because late this afternoon it was cold. I could have used it tonight but I had already showered with soap and shampooed my hair. Geez! Well, there's always tomorrow night.

Today seemed like a "twilight zone" kind of day. It was like, no matter how well I try, I get beaten down emotionally. I guess it's because it's full moon.

[3rd rock]

I have an idea for a novel.