[regretful]

Visited the primary MD; prescription for Lexapro on the lowest possible dosage. Still have yet to pick it up as I'm reluctant to start...but I have to as living like this is not very bearable. I've had such trouble with depression over the years and this round of it seems to be just as bad as any other. No real enjoyment in life at all. And the co-occurring anxiety is nothing fun either. I wish all of you well in your personal struggle with this invisible monster.

Just an ordinary day for me. I was surprised that I wasn't feeling too tired today since I didn't sleep well last night. I was blowing my nose for more than half the night. No cold, just allergies.

I have been feeling a little more empty during the nights now since I split up with my friend. We used to chat every night. I miss him but not his antics. Plus it's very hard to let go an only friend I have. Some people say it's nice being alone, but I feel that we all need a nice relationship of some kind.

[Breaking Dawn]

I have my fingers crossed for my accomplishing an important goal this morning.

[T4bbyCat]

I've got nothing, really. Just attempting to sleep off the wine or worse. Likely worse and a lot thereof.

Need to free myself of physical possessions and be able to relocate quickly.

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by T4bbyCat

I've got nothing, really. Just attempting to sleep off the wine or worse. Likely worse and a lot thereof.

Need to free myself of physical possessions and be able to relocate quickly.

Good luck with those things, T4bbyCat!

[Mountaindewed]

My SAD hasn't been too bad so far. But its usaully pretty calm during the holidays. Except for last year which I'm still trying to process. I have zero energy right now and I don't even have the energy to peel a hardboiled egg. But I'm not sure thats depression.

Felt depressed and blue throughout the whole day today. I still think about my ex-friend whom I let go a couple of weeks ago. I feel like I have nothing now.

[Deilla]

I'm having a difficult time sleeping, but I'm making the best of it. I played my game for a while and now I'm cooking.

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm doing a little better right now. I'm looking forward to fulfilling a goal today, maybe two.

[Mountaindewed]

I was doing ok until about noon. This happened last year. Its just SAD. Although my dads wake was 7 years ago today. We didn't have the best relationship after he got sick though so O don't think its heavily affecting me today. Maybe I'll start using my SAD lamp.

I plan on getting some oranges in the morning to see if that helps my depression at all.

[Deilla]

This evening is hard. I haven't heard from my therapist at all today. She's supposed to check in with me M through F. That's what I pay for but it didn't happen. I think I just need to quit therapy. It causes more harm than good. The responses aren't much most of the time. She ignores most of what I have to say. It's pointless.

[3rd rock]

I just finished the first draft of a new novel. It's not a romance novel, but it follows a relationship between two people. It ends with them splitting up after their relationship falls apart. It includes the viewpoint character committing acts of infidelity late in the story. One beta reader tells me I must rewrite it so the characters are together at the end. But I feel this would completely change the tone of the novel. I'm not sure what to do.

I want to get an agent with this novel. I'm trying to write it from the point of view of a fictional memoir, like the main character is using it to confess his sins. But I fear a lack of commercial potential for a book I want to get published conventionally. I'm kind of at a crossroads.

[Deilla]

I heard late from my therapist. All she told me to do was to get more active on social media. That will cure my loneliness. Most of the people are strangers or totally not interested in what I have to say.

[Breaking Dawn]

@Deilla, I think it's good to listen to your own instincts & not listen to your therapist's advice. I don't belong to any of those social media networks. I've read that they can be harmful to us emotionally.

[Mountaindewed]

I have this compulsion almost to only eat one type of food. But that will just fuel this depression even more. I was able to pull myself away from it but what I'm eating now isnt much better. I need a steak and potato dinner.

[hvert]

I feel like taking the month off. Is it SAD? I don't know. I don't feel like doing anything, not work things, not fun things.

I can see the decorations up at various places and they look nice. But I'm not in the holiday spirit. I think I never will be. Now I have some anxiety because I have a Dermatology appointment next Monday morning. Lately I've noticed that there's a small bump on my face. I can't get a real good look at it from where it's located. So I'm worried about it. Or there may be something else that's wrong.

I also feel unmotivated to try and change things for better and I really need to. I especially need to research and plan to line up another place to live because I can't afford to stay at where I am much longer. I don't know where to go or how to execute a plan to move. The area where I am is hopeless as far as being able to find something affordable. Plus there isn't a good reason why I should stay. If I left, I feel that I wouldn't leave much behind except for great weather.

[Deilla]

I had a good day. A few bumps along the way but I made it. I survived. I did the best I could.

It was a busy day for most of it. In the afternoon it was raining so no bike ride. It made me feel depressed.

Got a gift from my sister in the mail today. It was a predictable gift - I get the same thing of what she sends every year. It's nice but it gets old after a while. Also I got talking to her but didn't feel so good afterwards. It feels like something is off with her and I don't know what it is.

[Breaking Dawn]

I've been doing ok most of the day.

[T4bbyCat]

Need to sell off or get rid off most of my unnecessary possessions accumulated over the years. A lot of it is troublesome, especially given increasing burglaries and crime. Wish I never bought most of it.

[hvert]

I'm really struggling to 'snap out of it.' I have just felt so unmotivated all week.

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm doing ok at the moment. More ups than downs.

[3rd rock]

I don't know if it's just the influence of long-term, chronic depression, but I don't like to read or write novels with happy endings. When I write about relationships, I always write relationships that end badly, often bitterly, with characters either already apart or in the process of breaking up.

[Deilla]

I'm having a hard time sleeping. I keep waking up. I feel really stressed. I just want to sleep.