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  #701  
Old Jan 29, 2023, 07:23 PM
Anonymous41141
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An uneventful day today. It was gloomy outside but didn't rain. That was OK with me. I took a one hour bike ride and felt better.
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  #702  
Old Jan 30, 2023, 02:31 PM
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I have been at the dentist this day too. Afterward I have had a cozy day wile continuing reading the book I read before the weekend.

Tomorrow I hope to do my usual morning routines + take a walk outside. I want to build up what I expect of myself by first make these topics to work, then put into my schedule topic after topic. I have set no "have to be finished" point, because I want the process in itself to be rewarding with the good feelings I get by beieng on my way to something better.

I feel good about myself so far in this rebuilding.
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  #703  
Old Jan 30, 2023, 05:45 PM
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I was busy this morning. But the afternoon dragged as it rained all afternoon. Nothing much for the rest of the day and tomorrow.
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  #704  
Old Jan 31, 2023, 12:37 AM
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I got through another day. I expect I'll manage to get through tomorrow. One hour at a time is how I take it.
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  #705  
Old Jan 31, 2023, 12:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosi700 View Post
I have been at the dentist this day too.
That makes three (or more?) of us... I had my routine checkup today. I think dentists like people towards the middle and later ages, since that's when the teeth and gums start breaking down and requiring more expensive repairs, just like used cars
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  #706  
Old Jan 31, 2023, 04:24 AM
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Originally Posted by T4bbyCat View Post
That makes three (or more?) of us... I had my routine checkup today. I think dentists like people towards the middle and later ages, since that's when the teeth and gums start breaking down and requiring more expensive repairs, just like used cars

Yes, it was not for free.
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  #707  
Old Jan 31, 2023, 03:10 PM
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This has so far been a bad day with much hopelessness.
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  #708  
Old Jan 31, 2023, 03:37 PM
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I'm thinking about going to the store & hoping I will. I hope you start feeling better soon, Rosi700. And everybody.
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"Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot)

"Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller)

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  #709  
Old Jan 31, 2023, 05:02 PM
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I went out and did two important errands. Now I'm back home. I have so much anxiety, on top of depression. I tell myself that nothing awful is about to happen. There is nothing for me to be afraid of. It doesn't help. I still feel awful. I should clean the house . . . at least take down the Christmas tree.
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  #710  
Old Jan 31, 2023, 05:58 PM
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I haven't gone to the store yet. Still time before they close. Delay. @Rose76, good for you, trying so hard! God bless you.
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"Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot)

"Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller)

* * * * * *
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  #711  
Old Feb 01, 2023, 05:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn View Post
I will. I hope you start feeling better soon, Rosi700.

So do I. Thank you for wishing me well, but I still struggle. After a month in depression it is not easy to jump out of it. I do know how to build my way out (how to use the tools), but I am standing before a big choice, to stay or to move. To invest in more studies or not.

Since I haven't made the decision, yet, it is difficult to plan forward.

I have to try. May be I need to set apart time for writing down the different alternatives and then list up the positives and negatives for each choice. I think it has to be so, and on that ground I can try to move forward.

Hope you will feel better too! And of course I send the best wishes for everybody's health, mental and physical!
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  #712  
Old Feb 01, 2023, 09:27 AM
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I been trying to change the mental stories I tell myself that are too negative.
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Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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  #713  
Old Feb 01, 2023, 10:22 AM
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Originally Posted by Buffy01 View Post
I been trying to change the mental stories I tell myself that are too negative.

Hope you will succeed with that, that it will help you. I never try to change a real story in my life, but I try to chose where to put my focus (past or present)!


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  #714  
Old Feb 01, 2023, 02:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Rosi700 View Post
May be I need to set apart time for writing down the different alternatives and then list up the positives and negatives for each choice. I think it has to be so, and on that ground I can try to move forward.


I feel better now. It was possible for me to make room in my daily planner to set apart a specific daily time to put positives and negatives with the different choices I have to make. I have understood that it will take some time and I am OK with that.

The problem I struggle with is if I shall move to another state or not. The expenses with living at my place has become quite high so with only that in my thoughts, it would be an easy choice. But there are other "things to take into consideration. Moving far away from my family will probably be hard, even if I visit them once or twice a year.

I am glad this problematic choice is now in the planner. I will use months on this to be able to chose the right alternative and know that I really worked one making the best choice out of the options I found.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my GP (physical stuff) . Friday I will do work in the home. Next week at Monday I hope to jump into using my ordinary (now altered) schedule.
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  #715  
Old Feb 01, 2023, 05:04 PM
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I went to my analyst today. The whole morning was one mess up after another and I had a major temper tantrum. (Luckily no one was home) My session was brutal and I had racoon eyes afterward. (Eye make up) I know he's trying to help but God ,it feels like he's pulling my brain out through my nose! I'm always exhausted after these sessions and wonder what I'm supposed to do if it all becomes too much. My head has flooded with issues from years ago. I don't understand why, all of a sudden I seem to be remembering everything as though it was now. I thought I had all the memories packed away, but they flood and overwhelm me. I'm tired.
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Once you are real, you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always....
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  #716  
Old Feb 01, 2023, 10:13 PM
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I did better today than yesterday, not that that is saying much. But I have to be glad I moved ahead even 2 inches.

When I'm not moving ahead, I'm sliding back. Sometimes, you just have to shift into forward. It takes a while to pick up speed.
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  #717  
Old Feb 02, 2023, 07:35 PM
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I was busy this morning. Started the laundry at 6 AM. Someone else was using the laundry just after I started it. I guess word is getting around that 6 AM on Thursday mornings is a popular time to the laundry. For so long, hardly anyone else was using it around the time I do.

After the laundry I did some shopping. I had to go back to the store to exchange a product I purchased earlier realizing I made a mistake. I was upset about having to go out and take the time to go there but it's a good thing I did.

It's really weird how my anxiety and depression hits me. There's nothing going on in my life right now that's wrong or off but yet I feel like it is. I don't know why. Perhaps my anxiety is a little bit stronger for me than the depression. At where I live there are openings for apartments because people are leaving. And now the Jacuzzi doesn't work and I need it because my lower back is a little bit sore. The note says that the repair will happen tomorrow. But most times I see that and then it can take at least a week before someone looks at it and does something..
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  #718  
Old Feb 02, 2023, 08:21 PM
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A slow day of dealing with a tummy ailment. That made it hard to work on my apartment. Things will get better. I have to believe that. It is what's most likely.
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  #719  
Old Feb 03, 2023, 02:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76 View Post
A slow day of dealing with a tummy ailment. That made it hard to work on my apartment. Things will get better. I have to believe that. It is what's most likely.

One step at the time is always a good solution.
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Never forget to structure your days! Be responsible: Paddle your own canoe in all circumstances!
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  #720  
Old Feb 03, 2023, 09:36 AM
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I went to the store yesterday & got things I needed & I felt better when I got home.
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"Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot)

"Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller)

* * * * * *
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  #721  
Old Feb 03, 2023, 12:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn View Post
I went to the store yesterday & got things I needed & I felt better when I got home.

So goood!
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Never forget to structure your days! Be responsible: Paddle your own canoe in all circumstances!
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  #722  
Old Feb 03, 2023, 01:00 PM
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This day became very different then I had hoped for, and not in a good way.

Hopefully tomorrow will become better!
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  #723  
Old Feb 03, 2023, 03:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Rosi700 View Post
This day became very different then I had hoped for, and not in a good way.

Hopefully tomorrow will become better!
Fingers crossed for you, @Rosi700!
__________________
"Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot)

"Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller)

* * * * * *
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  #724  
Old Feb 03, 2023, 04:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn View Post
Fingers crossed for you, @Rosi700!

Thanks Breaking Dawn!
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Never forget to structure your days! Be responsible: Paddle your own canoe in all circumstances!
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  #725  
Old Feb 03, 2023, 04:47 PM
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New to the forums - today I'm feeling a bit sick - nauseous and a bit crampy from IBS. But damn it I'm going to work out and get some writing done.
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