[Rosi700]

Good morning! I am singing this morning and my breath is regular. I feel hope! Judith S. Beck, the daughter of Aaron T. Beck (the founding father of Cognitive Behavior Therapy), says that we have both positive and negative schemas inside us and that therapy is a journey.

I think that it is possible to call self observation for therapy as well (self-help). I have been observing myself for almost two weeks on sleep, relaxation techniques, physical exercises and nutrition (I am focused on triggers, inner or outside as well and have followed my schedule and how to cope with triggers). I am happy that I have reached so far. I have started my journey.

What is so positive is that this morning I felt that may be I will be able to work more than I do each week, if I read and prepare more. I know that if I do that it will be difficult, but I like challenges; at least that is what I tell myself. And what we tell ourselves is an important part of what contributes to our mood. Of course I am not going to jump into more work at once. I will also think this through many times before I take my final decision. My secret is that I seldom take a big bite at once, but build up step by step. In that way I don't fool myself into "things" that is impossible to overcome. I am so happy that in less than two weeks I am able to look from here and into a future.

I will work on activating my positive schemas ...

[Rosi700]

Hours after my happy morning post I am positive, calm, optimistic, a little bit tired, but not too tired.

I felt for stepping into the forum again, because I have ordered books to study for about 50 dollars. No, I am not having a manic episode (never had that). I only wanted to tell that I do believe I can manage.

I hope that my optimism is not a trigger to anyone (I mean that sometimes it can feel frustrating when others are happy and oneself feel depressed. Once, when I was deeply depressed, it actually depressed me to hear others laugh).

I am not the type to put myself on the top of others. I value mutual respect and expect that back.

I hope everyone here will find some sort of coping where they are in their own processes before Christmas (or before the Season, if you prefer that label better). Love to all!

[Buffy01]

I have a lot of self anger towards myself which is another reason why I am depressed.

[Rose76]

I'm still unmotivated. In the evening I manage to get a few things done. I feel like lying down now.

This morning I received minor repairs in my apartment and it was done well.
The maintenance man came at a good time for me. He came and finished before the time that I normally workout. Later in the day, I took a bike ride and saw an ex-girlfriend of an ex=friend of mine. I had not seen her in ten years. She recognized me on my bike and called out to me. I didn't even see her. She told me that my ex-friend had moved 1000 miles away.

Tomorrow I go to the doctor's office for a little treatment. I'm not looking forward to it, but I think it should not be that long.

[Deilla]

I'm dreading Christmas. I'll be all alone. I don't have anyone anymore. I went through a breakup. So I'm pretty sad about that.

[Rosi700]

I am OK, regular breathing, calm and optimistic. Thinking that I will master my now and future realistic and well enough.

[Breaking Dawn]

Hard lately. but ok at the moment.

[Silent Void]

Not looking forward to Christmas. I'm alone. Friends and family are dead. My sister lives across the country.

My birthday a few days ago was a disaster. I'm old and now worry about everything. The anxiety is terrible.

Ten minutes at a time is all I can handle. I don't make plans. That's too far ahead.

No one told me it would get harder to be depressed the older you get. With Christmas here it's worse, especially since I have no tree.

[Buffy01]

I did some cleaning up today and talk to my therapist today. That is all I could do.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

Hard lately. but ok at the moment.

I hope everything get better soon

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Silent Void

Not looking forward to Christmas. I'm alone. Friends and family are dead. My sister lives across the country.

My birthday a few days ago was a disaster. I'm old and now worry about everything. The anxiety is terrible.

Ten minutes at a time is all I can handle. I don't make plans. That's too far ahead.

No one told me it would get harder to be depressed the older you get. With Christmas here it's worse, especially since I have no tree.

I hope everything works out.

[Silent Void]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

I hope everything works out.

Thanks, Buffy. I'm taking it 10 minutes at a time.

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by Silent Void

Not looking forward to Christmas. I'm alone. Friends and family are dead. My sister lives across the country.

My birthday a few days ago was a disaster. I'm old and now worry about everything. The anxiety is terrible.

Ten minutes at a time is all I can handle. I don't make plans. That's too far ahead.

No one told me it would get harder to be depressed the older you get. With Christmas here it's worse, especially since I have no tree.

Oh, my goodness. God bless you, @Silent Void.

[Rosi700]

Originally Posted by Silent Void

Thanks, Buffy. I'm taking it 10 minutes at a time.

Sorry to hear that you have so little energy and feel so depressed! Send my best hopes for at least a tiny recovery soon!

[Rosi700]

I am still very much okay! When I am in the bathroom I can see in the mirror that my eyes have come alive. It is wonderful. Tomorrow the sun will "turn" and from then the days will become shorter and shorter.

I will not come into here before Christmas. I don't want, with all my happiness, to stay in contrast to all who suffer.

I will write a separate, hopefully encouraging, post in this forum for those who suffer this season ...

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Silent Void

Thanks, Buffy. I'm taking it 10 minutes at a time.

Sometimes that is all we can do.

[Rose76]

I guess I'm just not going to suddenly bounce up from depression, as I normally do. I will be alone on Christmas too. I send hugs to you above who are in the same boat.

Today I want to buy a small ham. At least, if I have a tasty dinner to look forward to, things won't seem so bad. Sometimes you have to show some love to yourself.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I guess I'm just not going to suddenly bounce up from depression, as I normally do. I will be alone on Christmas too. I send hugs to you above who are in the same boat.

Today I want to buy a small ham. At least, if I have a tasty dinner to look forward to, things won't seem so bad. Sometimes you have to show some love to yourself.

That is so true

Early this morning I went to the state income tax office to inquire about a refund that I had been waiting for. I was told that it hasn't been mailed out yet and it could be by the end of next month that I'll receive it. I went to that office a month ago and I was told it would be mailed out in December. When I went to that office a month ago, a man who worked with me was nice. Today I worked with a woman and she didn't seem as nice.

I received a gift card, along with a Christmas card, from the friend whom I just recently let go. It was sent out to me just before I split up with him. It's a gift card I can use because I shop there. I called him, even though I didn't want to, to thank him for the card. We talked a little bit but I still don't want to remain friends with him.

I got a call today from the Urologist's office. I'll have a phone conversation with the Urologist two weeks from now. He and his nursing staff are away for the holidays now.

[Rose76]

I'm not even trying to recover. I feel like going back to bed right now.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by will19

Early this morning I went to the state income tax office to inquire about a refund that I had been waiting for. I was told that it hasn't been mailed out yet and it could be by the end of next month that I'll receive it. I went to that office a month ago and I was told it would be mailed out in December. When I went to that office a month ago, a man who worked with me was nice. Today I worked with a woman and she didn't seem as nice.

I believe you.

[Buffy01]

I’m tired of feeling depressed all the time

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I'm not even trying to recover. I feel like going back to bed right now.

I felt like that myself today.