[Deilla]

I'm not doing that well tonight. I am lonely and sad. My girlfriend says she's too exhausted to talk to me. I don't understand the harm in a conversation.

[Rose76]

I still have no energy. A favorite relative of mine died last evening. I'm too far away to go to the wake or funeral.

I have to clean up my kitchen after days of not washing a dish. Getting anything done is hard. I have a pile of mail from days ago that I haven't opened. This was the first year that I sent no Christmas cards. Even as a child, I did the xmas cards for my parents. This year I just was too downcast to care. It's so not like me.

[Buffy01]

I been feeling :sadhug really awful lately :hug especially about myself

Originally Posted by Deilla

I'm not doing that well tonight. I am lonely and sad. My girlfriend says she's too exhausted to talk to me. I don't understand the harm in a conversation.

That's what the argument I had with my friend was about (in my most recent post on Daily Check-In). We'd talk every night, but lately he's been sending me a message in the evenings saying he's too tired to talk. That had not happened before. Maybe it's because he just can't stand me, I guess. He's not a good quality friend and, especially, he doesn't understand depression.

That depression and loneliness thing is so hard.

[Albatross2008]

Today is that traumatic anniversary I mentioned earlier. It's rough every year, but this year it is especially bad.

[Rose76]

If I can get the xmas tree down and all decorations put away today, I'll feel better about myself. Right now I'm trying to find the energy to start the day. My apartment is cold in the morning and takes a long time to heat up. Until it does, I stay in bed reading and watching videos, which is becoming a bad habit.

[hiddenaway]

I'm honestly fighting the urge to delete all of my social media accounts; like, I just want to go off the grid and let people forget I exist.

The only friend I have and I got into a fight yesterday over the phone. I told him I don't want to be friends with him anymore. It's happened before. The problem is that a lot of times I end up taking him back. I need to know better why I keep doing it and then end up sorry later. But there's no one else in my life now, so back to ultimate loneliness again.

Yesterday I called my brother. He told me that my sister told him that I prefer not to get phone calls on the holidays. I didn't think she'd tell him that. He and I talked for a while but it wasn't all that great.

Not much of a day today. I just stayed in and didn't do any errands of any kind. Though I have some errands to do tomorrow. I think it'll be a better day to do it.

[3rd rock]

I did not go to a meeting last weekend, but I did go to my mother's for dinner. She made a nice spaghetti and we had a nice dinner. A cousin of mine called in the middle of it, so I was able to say hi to her as well. I have been given the contact information to make a self-referral to another mental health clinic for addictions, something called a rapid-access clinic, and I'll call them this morning if I can, before I go to bed as I work the night shift. It's supposed to snow some this week or next, and I hope it doesn't because I don't want to have to try and drive in the snow as my vehicle is not properly equipped for it.

[hiddenaway]

Not quite awake. More coffee is needed.

[Rose76]

Yesterday was a good day. I took down my Xmas tree and tidied up my apartment. Today I am tired but my mood has greatly improved. I feel so much better. I might go to Walmart, but it's quite cold. The cold bothers me more than it used to.

[Buffy01]

I wish :sadhug that I knew why I am so depressed

[Rose76]

I'm improving. Usually I don't like the holidays to end. This year I'm glad. It was a relief to get the xmas tree down and put away.

Today was a fairly good day. I shopped in the morning. The only thing that wasn't great was that, from 10 AM to 2 PM there was a lot of noise from the construction project. The project doesn't look like it's going to be finished anytime soon unfortunately.

One nice thing that happened was that the apartment manager has cracked down on a couple of people who have been smoking within the property. One guy in particular has done it for quite a while and was continuing even after notices were put out. So now, he doesn't smoke at that spot anymore. That guy is a jerk, not just because of disobeying orders, but because he's naturally a jerk. I had complained to the manager about it and it's nice to have a victory for a change.

[hiddenaway]

Sleep-deprived, but not cause I stayed up too late. It's actually the opposite; I got up too early for the last two days.

[Rose76]

Lazy. Feel like going back to bed. Tired. There's no reason why I should be tired. I just feel most comfortable lying down.

[3rd rock]

I went to the local rapid access clinic for addictions, but it's closed on the weekends. I wish they would've said this on their website (which just lists the hours, 8:30-4:30 without respect to days) as it would've saved me a drive across town.

[Rose76]

Got nothing done so far today. I seem to always feel more listless on weekends.

I got to started fighting harder to get back to normalcy. This being down has gone on way too long.

[LadyShadow]

I go up and down, but it's mostly down at nighttime. Nights are so hard for me; I fall deep into despair and a tear falls from my eyes right before I try and sleep only to be woken up suddenly a few hours later.

The day is just started, so I don't have any plans. I'm not planning to go anywhere because it's a holiday. I feel like I need holidays like a hole in the head. Yesterday wasn't a great day. It was dull. I purchased something online I feel like I don't want after one use so I wanted to return it for a refund. So far I'm having a problem with that.

And then, while bike riding yesterday, I ran over something that appeared to be like liquid chocolate on the bike lane. I don't know what it was. It made my tires a bit messy. It's really bad on how inconsiderate people are.

[3rd rock]

I missed work again today, because I was very sick and throwing up earlier. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I'm going to go into the mental health center as a walk-in on Friday. Something has to change or else my life is just going to keep getting worse. It's some small miracle my employer hasn't yet asked me about the time I've been missing lately.

I'm feeling depressed and discouraged. I've been feeling like that for practically all of my life. Most days are mediocre but there are some real bad days. There have been some good days, but not many.

I'm feeling discouraged because of the lack of a good social life. My family is like nothing, I don't have good quality friends, and my neighbors don't seem to like me.

I have a semi-annual dental check up this Thursday. I'm really not looking forward to it. It's putting a damper in my spirits for this week, though when it's over and if it goes well, it won't make much of a difference on how I feel.

[Buffy01]

:: o when I found the emotional wound that I am trying to process and let go of the hurt that was caused.

[hiddenaway]

Anxiety hit me hard today. Nuff said.

[LadyShadow]

Drowning. I wish I had a drink even after being sober for three years. Night time is really hard.