I felt a bit blue this morning. But I'm glad that the weekend is over. I felt better after lunch. I worked out in the late morning and had good music on like always. But there was work that had to be done out on the street nearby that was noisy, so that ruined the workout.

[3rd rock]

I feel like I'm on the knife's edge, where I could go either way. I could get better and move past my current struggles with alcoholism, depression, and suicidality, or I could get worse and succumb to them once and for all.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

I feel like I'm on the knife's edge, where I could go either way. I could get better and move past my current struggles with alcoholism, depression, and suicidality, or I could get worse and succumb to them once and for all.

Hope you go with the first one and don’t get yourself fall. The temptation must be unbearable, sorry, folk.

[hiddenaway]

Relieved.

I think maybe Drew sensed how worried I was that he'd leave after this season cause when he was interviewed today, he said he doesn't want to give up TPIR.

I love him so much it's not funny.

Today was an extremely dull day. I had to put up with a lot of noise as there were tree trimming and mulching just outside of my window. I think there will be more tomorrow as there's a little parking lot that's been coned off. What's weird is that they have that little lot coned off but no note on it saying when they will be there.

[Buffy01]

I’ve been feeling really down lately

[hiddenaway]

I just feel so drawn to Drew, like there's an invisible magnet pulling me towards him. He makes me feel safe and that's worth a lot.

[Buffy01]

I wish that I :eek knew what has caused me :sadhug to feel so bad about myself down and depressed feelings all the time

[Rose76]

I'm still doing pretty good, which is nice. One problem. I keep having bad dreams. This started just in recent months. Odd because 3 years ago - when I was newly alone - I seemed to never dream for a long time. The themes are weird. I just dreamed that my electricity went off and I couldn't find the fuse box outside. Awful tired today . . . but not depressed.

[3rd rock]

I'm feeling a bit better. I made it into work every day this week. I had a couple of meetings that went unexpectedly easily, although they were over minor issues. Next weekend is a long weekend, which I'm looking forward to. I did not contemplate suicide this past week. I ate very poorly, however I'm concerned with short term problems at the moment.

I was busy this morning. Nothing much in the afternoon. It's been gloomy all day and no bike riding because it's been raining. That's unusual for this time of year at where I am. I'm feeling depressed with so much time and not having much to do.

I don't know what's going on outside of where I live. There's a little dirt parking lot (enough for five or six cars) for the place and a sign just got put up saying "no parking" for Monday; and it's going to last a whole month. For some time, I've had a fantasy that the apartment where I live may go through a change and we'd have to leave. I haven't heard anything, but you never know. I'm feeling a some inner turmoil but maybe I'm over exaggerating. I'm having anxiety thinking there might be some parking problems for a whole month now.

[Rose76]

I was having an extended interval of not being depressed, which I was sure glad of. I've been deliberately, consciously trying to hold on and make that last.

Lately, I feel like I'm perched on a ledge, trying to stay there and avoid falling, but I'm getting tired of balancing on the ledge. Now I feel like letting go.

I was kinda sticking to a daily routine, but today I don't feel energetic enough to stick with it.

I'm not depressed at the moment, but just want to do nothing. It's probably dangerous to indulge that.

Originally Posted by will19

I don't know what's going on outside of where I live. There's a little dirt parking lot (enough for five or six cars) for the place and a sign just got put up saying "no parking" for Monday; and it's going to last a whole month. For some time, I've had a fantasy that the apartment where I live may go through a change and we'd have to leave. I haven't heard anything, but you never know. I'm feeling a some inner turmoil but maybe I'm over exaggerating. I'm having anxiety thinking there might be some parking problems for a whole month now.

Today the work has started on the outside of where I live (as I had stated). I found out a couple of days ago of what's going on. It's some kind of city project to improve the drainage in this area. There's been off-and-on noise at times, but not that bad. I worried about parking but that doesn't seem to be much of a problem, so that's good.

A typical day for me today. Nothing much except to do a little workout and wrote to others. I'm not feeling really depressed, but pensive. When I feel totally alright, I feel like it's kind of sinister - like feeling pretty good can be too good to be true. After all, something bad has to happen, right? Well, that's how my mind works unfortunately.

[Rose76]

Well, I let go of my little routine that I'ld been sticking to . . . and I can feel how this could snowball into getting depressed. So I'm thinking about how awful the last episode of depression was and how I'ld really rather not go through that again.

So I'm telling myself to do something constructive this evening that I can feel good about, or risk getting swept over the waterfall. It feels like that can happen, if I don't start paddling my little canoe in a better direction.

[hiddenaway]

I woke up sad today. Nothing's wrong, but I feel like I could cry and I have a deep desire to just stay in bed.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Well, I let go of my little routine that I'ld been sticking to . . . and I can feel how this could snowball into getting depressed.

Time to do a med check? Are you running short of tuna and just not realizing how it's subconsciously affecting you? Or is that just me?

Jazz up the routine. Buy a new tea, or some flowers.

Ive spent the last two weeks fretting about the city inspector visit. I am SO out of shape, it took me at least 20 work/rest sessions over the course of a week to clean the bathroom. Plus it was kinda sticky from a linty new rug, so yeah it was work. Now i just need to keep this momentum going. I think the inspector may come tomorrow, so i still have a lot of work to do. But the bathroom is magnificent!

[Rose76]

Congratulations on your bathroom, @unaluna! For me, there's nothing like the high of completing a significant cleaning/organizing/decorating task. I step back . . . look at it . . . and just love myself for doing it.

Like Friday - I did outside work and put up my fall wreathes on the doors and some scarecrows and pumpkins. I was pleased as punch with the result.

Today I continued going down the drain, but I just pulled out of that. No med change is called for. Tried all the pharmaceutical stuff in the past - to no avail. One antidepressant is a help, and I just continue with it. But resuming my routine helps.

I bet, if I go buy a nice planter full of blooming mums at Home Depot for my front porch, it would do me a world of good. (That was a worthy suggestion.)

[AzulOscuro]

I’m just taking a break from my routines. I’m in surviving mood. I feel very sad for my doggy passing and I got a cold with nausea. So, I take it little by little.
The only relief is to take my other doggie out and take care of her.
I’d like to be a stronger person because if I were I would do lots of things to socialise myself.
I just meet two ladies who run a pet shelter and I know if I were stronger and could commit myself, I would be happier because thus that having the opportunity to socialise I could do something good for pets.
Maybe when I feel a little better. I’ll contact them and try to arrive to a commitment I could fix to.

[unaluna]

I like the saying, God helps those who help themselves. I never understood it until i started actively pursuing a hobby, and doors started opening for me the more i tried new stuff. So i try to remind myself of that time (like 40 years ago!).

Anyway, as i said, the city inspectors are coming this week, so i went to throw out some trash and ran into the maintenance guy who told me i could get inspected on friday. What a relief!

I'm feeling depressed today. My friend and I got into a fight yesterday (verbal, over the phone). So far this morning it's gloomy and so is my mood. And since having that fight yesterday, all that my mind can think about is how so many people have wronged me over the years. Maybe it's not as bad as I think, but that's how my mind works.

[hiddenaway]

Today I'm mostly content. Could do with more coffee though.

[Buffy01]

having a disability :eek is causing me to feel down and depressed because of my my limitations that trigger me to

I'm feeling depressed again today. I don't know why I can't be really happy. It seems like people in general "out there" are grumpy and not nice. It has an effect on me. I went to the grocery store and got a woman to check out my items. She wasn't with it and was on the grumpy side. At that store, most checkers are nice but not her. Before going to her, I sensed that she didn't look happy. There's one older man who is a checker whom I like a lot, but he wasn't there. He's slow at checking through the items and bagging (though I do the bagging myself and prefer it that way) but he's always nice and helpful. I noticed that, lots of times, it seems like everyone goes to him instead of the others when checking out.

It would be nice if I can get a compliment or have someone do something nice for me just once. That seems to be hard to come by. Also I'm feeling bad about the fight I had with my friend three days ago. It looks like he and I may not come back together this time.

[3rd rock]

I spoke to my nursing practitioner on Friday in the morning. She wants to see me next Friday. I have to get the bloodwork repeated sometime towards the end of October, because there were several anomalous readings. I know why this is the case;' it's because I've been drinking again for 7 months after more than 8 years of sobriety. My liver functions are degraded, very bad. Other than that, I've had a good week. I had no meetings with the HR representative from hell, in my capacity as shop steward for my union. I'm thankful for that, as meeting with him provokes extreme anxiety in me. I was able to stay sober for the whole work week, until Friday evening when I began to drink again. I drink because it makes me feel good when I do it, even if the withdrawal symptoms on Monday are absolute hell. I'm concerned for my health moving forward, but not too concerned. I only have to stay alive until my mother dies, after that I'm free to die by whatever means happens. Of course, my mother likely has another 20-30 years until her death, so I have to make it through that length of time. It's going to be an arduous task, but after she dies I'm free to die myself. I don't want to hurt her which is why I can't die until after she dies by natural causes.

[Rose76]

I'm still doing alright. I talk to ghosts a lot.