I feel empty and lost

No matter what or how I try, I seem to never succeed. I feel like I've tried everything and nothing has worked...

My studies supress my personality and my university doesn't care about my well-being. But there is no other option for me...

My health issues have taken away things which used to fulfill me. I may never do them again...

My friends left me, insult me or don't communicate with me...

There is no one who I can go to when I need to. Nobody has my back...

And finally, I have horrible luck when it comes to love. In this matter, I know no other thing than having my heart broken...

@jaklevco I am sorry things seem so bleak right now. That must be tough to go through.

I often ask myself by whose expectations am I judging myself. My parents expected me to be a certain way and I did not turn out like that. It sounds like you are experiencing some of what I experienced at your age. They say the adult brain takes till 25 to fully form and I think in my case it was 35.

I am glad for online support. It seems to be easier to make acquainances here than in real life. Hope you find a little ray of joy in your life. @CANDC

@CANDC

I don't think I don't take expectations into account here. I don't care much about other's expectations. And I don't have much expectations anymore because no matter how big or small they are, the reality is never even close to them. I am reflecting on what I do/try and what actually results in something positive. Because nothing does.

Well, although I'm young, for me, online space is not really a good for finding friends. Of course, I can search for support here, but when it comes to friendships (or something more), meeting irl is a must.

@jaklevco I hear you. For young people that are active and want to socialize, online can be pretty tame. I am at an age where tame sounds wonderful.

Hope you do get the support you are looking for. @CANDC

@CANDC
I don't want to say, that online communities are useless, but definitely, that is not a good place to find friends. In my opinion, it's not only the communication, but also the experiences and time spent together when it comes to friendship.

I hope so too. Although, on other forums, no one responds to my posts. Also, wherever I get responses, I don't usually get some pieces of advice. And that isnthe reason, I'm actually writing

@jaklevco you want advice so I will do my best but only you know what will be helpful for you.

Go to the supermarket and pick up good healthy food. At least you will feel better eating well. Smile and say hello to the check out person and bagger. Just doing that will change how you present yourself to people.

If you are physically able, join a gym or fitness center or sign up for a yoga class. Physical exercise could help if you do not have any injuries and you might meet someone.

The problem I had when I felt lonely is I wanted to find a best friend and what I could have done was start making acquaintances to develop my ability to relate to people.

These work for me but it is up to you to decide steps you want to take. @CANDC

And try to go to places that have/do things you're interested in; generally friends have something in common.

@CANDC, @Travelinglady
Thanks for your ideas. However, I must say many of these might not help me.

Firt of all, in my case eating healthy is eating what I can because of my lifelong health condition. Also when it comes to staff in supermarkets, in the countries where I live, there are no baggers and check outs are more frequently done self-service.

About the physical excercise, you are right with "if you do not have any injuries." Unfortunately, I've had certain injuries recently which prevent me from doing anything what involves my dominant hand (involving all the sports which I enjoy), so my plans for sports or gym were washed away for at least half a year. Then, I expect to be very busy with my studies. By doing anything, I mean even holding onto something with that hand. Sometimes, I struggle to open the door, so I really cannot do sports now.

And when it comes to my interest, my main one (which is much more than interest for me, it is part of myself) cannot be spent time with because of the mentioned injury. And I don't know if it ever heal enough so I can return to that. Apart from that, I plan to visit one place regularly because of my interest, but most of people there are not in my age group. And those who are, are there for different reasons and act accordingly

Maybe you could volunteer and help others. Either here online by responding to other people's posts or irl. If you volunteer irl, you will no doubt meet other volunteers and make acquaintances.


It might help you...

At least here you can talk about your worries. And people are going to hear you and reply.
I didn’t reply to one of your posts because you were having a good conversation with a user here and who knows better what to tell you and I didn’t want to intervine or interrupt.

I knew from what I read that you have an amazing talent at music and that you can’t play because of a problem in your hand.
How is it going?

Agree for the irl volunteering if she feels with enough energy to do it. Here, it’s also a good idea but maybe not the right timing since she’s now suffering. She is the one who has to strengthen before being able to help others or read how other people struggles.

Maybe, you have other potentials and you don’t still know. You can develop these potentials meanwhile your hand gets recovered. So you can join activity groups. Activities that don’t require the use of your right hand. A reading group, theatre….
How do you see yourself the level of energy now?

@AzulOscuro, I don't think I ever had problem talking about, well anything.
I don't care when or to which of my posts you reply, the important thing is that you do.

I must say that with the hand, it is getting worse and worse. Soon, I will see a doctor, but you know... I may hope that I can heal enough to play, but I cannot be certain so I shouldn't focus on that scenario

You have written several importatnt points here. Just one detail, it's he, not she.

Sorry, I said she because most of people here are women or girls.
You will move that hand and play this instrument. Have faith. Science has advance a lot. You are gonna find the solution. Hope is the last being lost. Please, don’t lose it.

I wrote in a sub forum Relationships and Communication about if it would be still possible for me to find a group of friends. I have social anxiety. Very bad social anxiety. So, I’m receiving advices about it.
You see. I’m at the same point than you. Only that you being younger (I’m 51) must feel the need stronger than me.

It’s not easy to meet people but when someone is on depression is even more difficult. But you can. Only it’s necessary to know the level of energy you have because depression steals lots of energy from a person.

Well, I know of other things I might have potential. But either they are not fulfilling or I don't have the opportunity to do it regularly.
I must say I'm not much into books/reading.

But to answer your question, I must say, because of the things I write about (they are all long lasting or recent), I feel absolutely drained. I would definitely find will and time to spend with my friends, if I had any. Most of them used and left me and the two remaining don't have time to meet (generally, not only during last few months). I couldn't rest much because more and more unpleasant things were comming, so it left me with no energy. In addition, in less than two weeks, the next semester of my studies starts and I know I will need that energy which I don't have.

I still hope my hand will get better, but you know. I know people who had it surgically treated and still, it didn't help. To help you imagine how it physically feels now. The worst tasks during my day are to open the door or to lift a kettle or a plate with food. Oh, and it's left hand, btw. I'm left handed

You're right, I am younger. Well, the difference is the reason why we are looking for friends. In your case, it may be for the social anxiety (hugs). In my case, I believe I don't struggle with this, it's that despite being helpful and reliable friend, I have no luck in finding such people. My "friends" who left me recently only made me feel used and betrayed. I was in situations when they even insulted me for helping them after they had asked for it...

I’m sorry a lot. I’m sorry because I’ve been in your shoes. I neither know what to tell you. It’s hard to lose friends and the disappointment and insecurities that this involves.
I know what is like to spend a whole Summer of vacations trying to fill my void while I lose more and more energy and knowing I will have to face to a course.
What are you studying? and when are you beginning classes?

P.S. Sorry. You begin in two weeks

It definitely is hard. Some of those people meant really much to me...
To be honest, I don't have much opportunities to fill the void during the summer because I study abroad (150km, but still a different country). I live in a village next to a big town and I hate that town, so you can imagine that I don't feel like finding friends here. Also, when it comes to friendships, I need to see the person irl at least sometimes and during the last year, my studies didn't allow to go out during the weekends. In addition, I have one lifelong health problem which requires rather strict diet so every weekend I came home to grab some food for a few days.

I study IT in Czechia. The next semester starts on 18th Sep. In the meantime, I need to furnish the place where I live there. I have two or three classes in the mornings, two during evenings, other in early afternoon

What a disappoint of friends, to be honest!

Yes, I know having friends is very important for younger man and women. I’d wish I could give you some insight in this regards but I’m kind of socially retard.
Do you have any chance with people who will be in your classroom?

I think I have already written about this, but I don't remember in which of my threads so I will say it again. You have lectures where there are 50-600 people (well, 600 is in first year, now it will be up to 300, still very anonymous). Then, you sign up for your seminars and in my case, there are completely different people on each of them. The educational system used is strictly anonymous. To wrap it up, I know to people on my faculty because they were my classmates during high school. One of them dislikes me and the other one can be nice, but also tends to be offensive towards me.
So far, I tried talking to my classmates, but they don't seem to want to find friends. Most of the time, I didn't even got to know their names

Wow! You will be busy all day long.
And yes, you have to focus on your studies.
I already have a picture of your struggles.
Do you expect to share home there with somebody?

I don’t f@cking understand why they don’t like you. Or the other crosses lines. World is sometimes so hostile.
You seem such a marvellous guy. I don’t understand it. Maybe, it’s lack of opportunities to find the right people for you so far. Do you have any clue?

Well, I'm not really busy all day, we probably didn't understand each other. I have 2-3 lectures/seminars a day (2 hours each), but it's not in one go, it's spread throughout the day. For example on Monday it's one seminar 10:00-11:50, then a lecture 14:00-15:50 and another seminar 18:00-19:50.

As I think about it, I'm curious how will it go when my hand is injured. You know, my parents tend to be at home so when I'm there, they can help me, but in the town where I study, I'm on my own. I kind of like cooking (although I don't know much), but I don't know how it will go with this forearm.

I don't plan to share my home, last year, I tried to find something with the "friend" mentioned, but we didn't manage to find something. Now, he finds a place with his partner. I have no one to share with.

I have no clue why it is happening. I know I have the qualities of a good friend or something more (I know I'm not perfect, but that's nothing bad). I know I'm reliable, I can talk about different things, I LISTEN ACTIVELY, I help whenever I know how. Also when it comes to love. I meet a girl, I like her, she seems to be interested and suddenly, she just ghosts me or breaks my heart before we have a relationship.

Yes, we understood each other. I only thought that having lectures in a row would be more easy for you to have free time to meet people thus study.

It’s good to have your parents to help you with the food. My mother also helped me when I had to work far from home, on my first years as a teacher. I was super busy because I’m a perfectionist and I only had time to prepare classes in the evening and to get new ideas and built material for classes.

All these positive points you mentioned are the ones that in my opinion, make of you as a very good friend.
Don’t give it up with friends or girls. Many people have problems to find friends and look at how many guys struggles and are rejected by girls before finding the right one. It’s not your fault. Do you ruminate a lot about it?
Are you following any treatment for your depression or do you consider is not necessary?