[iscreamparty]

(I'm sorry if this is the wrong subforum, I'm not diagnosed with anything yet I just started therapy and I know I am feeling depressed)

On Friday my therapist and I discussed my suicidal ideations and she mentioned the hospital as a last resort.

Possible trigger:

I have a plan, but I don't have supplies (but am planning on picking up supplies tomorrow after work). I don't know if I'd actually go through with it, although I did try a few weeks ago but my bestie talked me out of it before I did anything drastic.

I'm actually feeling good today, but I'm not sure if this is just a clear moment and my chance to seek help or if I'm getting better and I don't need to seek help. Last night was a rough one and my bestie said I did not look well at all which is saying something because I can usually hide things like a pro. I don't know how work will go tomorrow either. I'm a vet assistant so I see lots of happy and lots of sad and I don't know if I'll be able to take the sad.

I just don't want to take up a bed that someone that's actually struggling could use.

[Nammu]

I don’t know you, but if you are planing on picking up supplies I’d say talk to your T and tell her that. Sounds like inpatient might be indicated.

Best of luck. Please do contact your T before you pick up supplies.

[CANDC]

@iscreamparty welcome to MSF. I am sorry you are having thoughts of ending your life.

If you have a plan to end your life and are picking up supplies to do so, you really need professional help. I strongly recommend you do NOT pick up supplies. Having them there is just another way that you are closer to ending your life.

There are crisis support links in this thread scroll down for them Our Suicidal Posting Policy & Suicide Resources

If you are in immediate danger of taking your life dial emergency services or 911 or go to an ER.

This is a crisis line in US crisis hotline's new number launched in July 2022, 988 has received 4 million calls, according to a KFF report — up 33% from the previous year. (The hotline previously used a 10-digit number, 800-273-8255, which remains active but is not promoted.)

Please get help do not make a long term decision that will stop you from seeing the possible outcome of your life.

Hugs @CANDC

[iscreamparty]

Thanks everyone. I did go inpatient and I was there for quite some time (42 days to be exact). I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and BPD and was referred to a PHP that I start in a couple days. Put on some meds. I see my therapist and new psychiatrist today. They don't want me going back to work for a couple weeks which is making me so upset I'm crying. I might sneak in the back just to hang out with the dogs

-Ash

[AzulOscuro]

The priority is your health. So, now that you have a diagnosis and a plan to work in, Go ahead.
I know it’s not easy but when you get ti be stable (BPD people with therapy can be highly functional), you will be ready to deal with work and your dear dogs, cats and pets, in general.
You have a wonderful work. 😀