Feeling Isolated Here

It's probably my depression talking, and that I've read messages the wrong way, but I'm starting to feel as if I never write the right things, that I don't know what I'm supposed to be or do.

Are we supposed to share our experiences, or not?

Are we just supposed to click our tongues and offer hugs and write, "Oh, I'm sorry. I feel badly for you"

How does one become a valued member? Some of the relationships are very longstanding. People say "Welcome" at first, but later it seems as if friendship groups are operating.

I don't want to say cliques, because that implies some kind of crappy, mean-spirited behavior.

But long-standing ties are precious, are honored. Kinda like going to a friend's 20-year reunion and not knowing anyone there. People don't mean to exlude, but to the person standing around ignored while others talk, doesn't feel so good.

At any rate, I'm NOT criticizing, don't want to write any more wrong things. Just wondering what behavior is how one is supposed to be here.

I can't see that you have done anything wrong anywhere and of course you are supposed to share your feelings. We all tend to get wrapped up in our own stuff and forget to reach out sometimes. I feel kinda like that today, that I wanted or needed more support then I got. No one does it intentionally I believe we are all in different head spaces. Also, you seem to get great responses when you post as much as I am aware so maybe you are feeling a little insecure after the turmoil in my thread. Sorry it happened and you are fine. Don't change and stay in touch. Also remember, I am WISEWOMAN so i must know what I am talking about ey? He He.

Well, as a bear, I get on with most people here I hope, but there are a few people, particularly of late, whose posts really trigger me. So I have decided to avoid them. This topic of cliques has come up before. I think that part of the problem is that this site is so rapidly growing at the moment, and there do seem to have been some quite severe growing pains of late. But in general, the people here are welcoming and friendly. I sometimes prefer straight talking myself and I feel that I have to bite my tongue here, especially as a bear/moderator. I don't know if any of this has made any sense. I just wanted to post so that you don't feel so alone in this corner of cyber space. I still know that feeling myself

Another thought is, have you pm'd people or chatted much? That is how I formed most of my friendships here.

I do know what you mean about the long standing ties. It can be frustrating when a few people seem to almost flaunt those, and that may encourage copy cat type behaviour as other people feel left out or invalidated. But I think that happens on all boards, unfortunately

Thanks for your reply on my thread, it meant a lot, and I hope things start to feel better for you soon...

((((((((((((Wants2Fly))))))))))

Take care,
Fuzzy

Hi Wants2fly... sorry you are feeling left out... I've only been on here this year.. but I see how you can feel this way. I found that going into the chat room helped me meet and let others get to know me more quickly ...<font color=blue>

You don't have to share if you don't want to. If you want to post about your hobbies or work there are forums for that too... and if you want to only say that your feeling depressed etc without giving a lot of background, that's ok too.

(But you will get some questions from others, trying to figure out how to help you...)

I try to welcome everyone I realize is new... even going into forums I don't normally post in, just to say welcome...

and saying welcome is easy compared to sharing in a long post... I used to not post anything personal about myself... except some basics in PTSD...
<font color=purple>
take your time with how you want to use this site to aid your healing, OK? Any way you decide is ok with me.


<font color=green> ...slip sliding away... slip sliding away....

That was a long post for me. I hope I don't live to regret it (((((((((((((((wisewoman)))))))))))))))

<font color=blue>(((((Fuzzy)))) ((((Wants2Fly)))))

<font color=green> ...slip sliding away... slip sliding away....

It's not you, Wants to Fly. It's just that I don't read other posts that often. I'm wrapped up in myself a lot. I think we all get like that sometimes. With me, it's a big problem because I isolated for 11 years. I'm not real used to dealing with people. So it's partly my problem. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

I like you very much actually. I hate to see you suffering like this. Don't worry. I feel like I write "all" the wrong things too.

I will work on reading more posts.

There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.

((((((((Wants2Fly)))))))))))

nightdream

the statement about "friendship groups operating" are such a compliment to the people here. There are literally hundreds of different members here on the forums. I have only been here for almost 4 months, and though not everyone knows me, and I don't know everyone, I feel that I have found my niche here.
The purpose of different forums is that not everyone deals with self-injury, so that is a forum that I don't frequent. I also don't deal with health problems, so I don't frequent that. We ALL are very different, and I'm so grateful for my "frienship group"; however, that group is always expanding, and I trust that as you contribute more positive posts here, you will find that yours will too.
Hang in there, be supportive of others, and they in turn will be there for you. This truly is an awesome place.
Good Luck,
Jon

(((Wants2Fly)))

I feel a little like you do. I come from another site, and I had the misfortune of becoming actively suicidal (the very FIRST time in my life!) while on that other site. I took those incredible people on a nasty roller coaster ride with me. I am a survivor, and I didn't die. But now that I've stopped posting on the other site and have come here, I find that people who knew me there are not open to my being on this new site. They fear I will disrupt the calm of this site.

So, yes, I have been hurt here and I've felt excluded and unwanted. But you know what? Just keep posting, Wants2Fly. You are doing nothing wrong. It is GOOD to release your feelings and to receive feedback. I believe anything you say will be accepted, just as long as you're not saying you have a razor blade and are cutting your wrist. THAT is destructive to the other members' mental health. *smile*

It just takes time. But you are VERY welcome here. I'm glad you weren't afraid to voice your concerns and fears to us. See how many people are responding to you already? Hun, you've got friends here. *smile*

Hugs,
Sandy

Wants 2 Fly,
I have to agree with what others have been saying. It really does just take time and posting to others. I really believe the best way to get to know someone is to be there for them when they need you. I have met some wonderful people here who have helped me stand back up when I needed it and who I (hope) I have helped do the same.
Also try to post in the Plants, Pets, Amusement section. Start some posts about what interest you and what you like to do. This way others learn about you and you might learn something cool about someone else.

Stay strong,
Jessica

<font color=blue>The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain</font color=blue>
~Seether and Amy Lee

I'm still trying to find my fit here, too. For me, my depression isolates me in the first place. Then I show up here and and there are many established friendships (which is a very good thing), but I still feel like the kid looking in the candy store window.

I think it reflects how I feel about myself, rather than any "clique-ish-ness" on the part of veteran members here. But like you, I am tiptoeing around.

If it helps any, my original posting name (on another site) was rainyday. Now I'm partlycloudy, so the weather is improving! Before the year is out I hope to be mostlysunny.

Hang in there, and keep posting...

pc

"Plays well with others"

What a wonderful outlook on the "weather"; hang in there, I hope to see mostly sunny sometime.
Jon

I agree with PartlyCloudy,

Regardless of how long you have been here, Depression keeps me isolated quite a bit. And as to do with the status (junior Member, Member, Veteran Member, Senior Member and others) I can't even remember which I am anymore.

I have been here for about a year and stll 'Tip-Toe' around so don't feel bad. Just keep posting. I have a difficult time with names so that has some of my problem as well as memory loss. I don't feel like I post right half the time only I just keep posting.

For me not being in chat makes a big difference here as I do not know some as well only throught the post and pm's.

I have made one very nice and supportive friend through pm. So do not give up - to everyone just keep posting.

Take Care Chris

______________
~KRIS~

(if I didn't help, please know I do honestly have good intentions & speak through personal experiences)

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!