Isolated

I left The Rat 4 months ago and I am happier and saner than I have been in years. Well, perhaps not saner, but the emotional distance I have wrapped myself in seems to have toned down the bipolar a great deal. I'm not sure one is any better than the other. Anyhow, recovering from the abuse is my priority... I want to feel again and not evaluate everyone as a threat. I feel as though the after-effects are The Rats grimey little fingers still manipulating my brain, and I resent it. I want him out... out OUT of my head, my heart, and my life. I've been going to a support group locally, but all the women have kids ( I don't) or are still involved with their abuser, and I'm not getting much out of going. In the meantime I am lost: looking for work, looking for my own place, and I feel I can't tell anyone about any of it because they feel so SORRY for me. Makes me feel pathetic. They don't understand how much BETTER and STRONGER I am. I'm not pathetic . I'm not, lol. Where do I go? What do I do? HELP!

We seem to be going through alot of similar stuff right now. I'm so sorry about the pain you've been through but so happy that you left and that you continue to keep on trying. you seem to be so on the right track and that job will come..i got lucky in the job dept, but i still don't have a home to call mine and my kids and the stress of living w/parents is almost as bad sometimes as the original stress of living w/abuser. but i'm going to keep on trying too don't hesitate to communicate whenever you need to GOOD LUCK!

Thanks so much for the encouragement. When I read your posts I thought we were kind of travelling similar paths. Someone told me yesterday that when I accepted refuge from a friend rather than going to a shelter as I intended I'd messed up, because at a shelter they would have helped me get work and housing. I don't know if that's true or not, but I was kinda disappointed to have been told that I'd done it WRONG. Oh well, one foot in front of the other, right?