[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

snip: ….crying or feeling pain about it anymore, I still think it's a horrible thing to do to someone, past trauma or not.

Rock, I totally agree. Whether they are aware of their reasons or not, it’s a horrible thing to do to people. From kids or teenagers it’s not as shocking to me but adults?! They ought to be more mature.

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Sent from my iPhone 📱

[Buffy01]

I been feeling really terrible lately especially after finding out some one threw out my garden which was given me something to do especially since I am feeling depressed

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

I just want to die. Not by my own hand .. but just .. lights out. Tired of this world. Tired of the people. Tired of the responsibilities. Tired of always falling short. Tired of being kicked around and made to jump through hoops. I'm out of energy and I'm not certain I can find my way out this time .. but, against my better judgement, I won't go down without a fight .. the crazy part is even trying to get help is a fight in itself. I feel like the world has just turned every ounce of its weight on me, trying to oppress me and keep me down and I'm still trying to stand up.

I can't do it much longer .. not without help.

[3rd rock]

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

I just want to die. Not by my own hand .. but just .. lights out. Tired of this world. Tired of the people. Tired of the responsibilities. Tired of always falling short. Tired of being kicked around and made to jump through hoops. I'm out of energy and I'm not certain I can find my way out this time .. but, against my better judgement, I won't go down without a fight .. the crazy part is even trying to get help is a fight in itself. I feel like the world has just turned every ounce of its weight on me, trying to oppress me and keep me down and I'm still trying to stand up.

I can't do it much longer .. not without help.

I'm so sorry you feel that way. I've been there, more than once in my life. In many respects, I'm still there. I agree with you that trying to get help can seem like a struggle in itself, most psychiatrists and counselors want to discharge me as quickly as possible once I've been restored to basic, day-to-day functioning. Trying to make it through the days can feel like wearing a suit made of lead, every step forward requiring so much effort. I don't know how to recommend any help, I just want you to know you're not alone in the way you feel.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

I'm so sorry you feel that way. I've been there, more than once in my life. In many respects, I'm still there. I agree with you that trying to get help can seem like a struggle in itself, most psychiatrists and counselors want to discharge me as quickly as possible once I've been restored to basic, day-to-day functioning. Trying to make it through the days can feel like wearing a suit made of lead, every step forward requiring so much effort. I don't know how to recommend any help, I just want you to know you're not alone in the way you feel.

Thank you and I pray you will find your way out of this soon too. ❤️

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

snip: In Trying to make it through the days can feel like wearing a suit made of lead, every step forward requiring so much effort. I don't know how to recommend any help, I just want you to know you're not alone in the way you feel.

Rock, that’s a good analogy, the suit of lead. I often feel like that, especially with the chaos in this country now. This is when we need each other more than ever, yet we are so fractured now. Everything takes more effort than it used to and some days I feel my age. I fear getting older in a country that doesn’t care for the older population. We all age and someday those people not caring for us will be our age….

It’s definitely more of a struggle to get support than to go without. Grief for example. I don’t feel like filling out forms and doing an “ intake” or screening over the phone. So weary of trying to make real connections rather just another acquaintance or “situational”/transactional “friend”. It’s like chipping away at a mountain with a little pickaxe. ⛏️

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Sent from my iPhone 📱

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

snip: I just want to die. Not by my own hand .. but just .. lights out. Tired of this world.

I can't do it much longer .. not without help.

I can relate.

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Sent from my iPhone 📱

[LadyShadow]

Sinking and sinking, the lows are really low.

[Rose76]

I'm still feeling very well. Feel cheerful all the time now. Depression is gone.

[Deejay14]

Awesome Rose!!!

[Rose76]

I've had a nice couple of weeks of being in good spirits. My recovery is starting to feel a bit fragile. The heat has slowed me down. My chronic digestive problems are bothering me for the past 2 days. I don't want to get sucked down into a tailspin.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

I just want to die. Not by my own hand .. but just .. lights out. Tired of this world. Tired of the people. Tired of the responsibilities. Tired of always falling short. Tired of being kicked around and made to jump through hoops. I'm out of energy and I'm not certain I can find my way out this time .. but, against my better judgement, I won't go down without a fight .. the crazy part is even trying to get help is a fight in itself. I feel like the world has just turned every ounce of its weight on me, trying to oppress me and keep me down and I'm still trying to stand up.

I can't do it much longer .. not without help.

I completely understand your pain

[nonightowl]

This is the only thread I feel safe posting in, check in wise. I feel I'm just eating, sleeping, exercising and reading. I like to read but I can't do it all day. I don't want to watch TV all day either.

Just really need something good to happen, something to work out. I don't trust people much now, because of so many betrayals.

This is my only support, and now I can't go on here as much as I'd like because now my landline (copper) phone service has been out of order for over a week now. In 30 years this has never happened. And this year, it happened in March but it was fixed the same day. And done remotely, no waiting around at home.

Now last week it happened again, and first they told me it will be fixed by June 14, then it was 18th, now it's an unknown date. More uncertainty, with everything going on in the country and world. I have to now use my stupid cell phone for calls, yet it has poor reception and the battery runs down so fast. It drains when I'm not even TOUCHING it and it was like that when new.

If not for the cell, I'd be cut off from the world and have no way to call anyone if I have to. And because I now have to use it for calls, I have to watch my data use even more closely. I don't have unlimited data. And it seems the browser uses more data than anything, battery too. Fortunately I don't need to make many calls, but I still need to save data. I feel even more isolated and alone though, like nobody cares and nobody will be in a hurry to fix it. It's an area outage supposedly, and I know it has happened in other states. Yet this is no consolation to me.

Stupid company with its deep pockets don't want to spend more money on maintaining an "old" network that is more reliable (usually) than cell. In spite of this experience, I still feel landlines are more stable. They don't need charging, don't need 4 bars for a clear connection, and still work during a power outage. And during storms. If the power goes out, I can't charge the cell phone so it's no good to me. Yesterday I had to make two calls and had to call twice, as the first time the calls didn't go through. I don't have that problem with the landline. And I have certain numbers on speed dial too.

I've been wanting to get this out of my system for days and couldn't get online until now. To save data, I'm at the senior center where I can use computers for a limited time on certain days. I know this is a minor thing compared to what's happening today in the country, but I need as much as stability as I can get. Suddenly that reliable phone has no dial tone. Everyone says something different, one rep told me it's vandalism. Thieves want the copper wires. They should have the network better protected but that costs more money. Maybe make it so if anybody touches them, they'll get shocked.


The worse part is I've already paid for service I'm not getting. They bill in advance, so I had to call to get credit. I don't trust that they will do it "automatically".

[nonightowl]

And also my upstairs neighbor is having a guest again. More heavy footed walking, more uncertainty and no quiet in the morning now. This person gets up earlier than me and that ruins my morning routine. How can anybody know so many people? It’s been a week so far. Makes me feel more isolated. I hope they leave soon. Sick of uncertainty and disruption in my life.

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Sent from my iPhone 📱

[Rose76]

I'm doing fairly okay. Not as chipper as I was. The heat has slowed me down.

[Rose76]

I've been doing pretty well lately. But I've been kind of lazy. I believe that's a good way to wind up falling back into depression. I blame the heat for me slowing down. I just need to get up early and do things, while it's still cool. Getting up and going early is a hard for me. Not a morning person. I better change, or I'll get sucked down into the pit.

[Rose76]

I'm still doing well. Having a good run of not being depressed.

[Deejay14]

Keep going Rose!! So happy you have hit a long streak of feeling well

[Rose76]

The heat is making me lazy. I have to push myself harder. When I don't get much done, I can feel that pit starting to pull me toward it. I still spend too much time alone. There's a social event I can go to this weekend. I better not miss it.

I think of getting a dog, but I worry about the big commitment. It could do me a lot of good.

[Buffy01]

I am wondering if bringing up the the past trauma could be the main cause of why I am feeling depressed or the environment I am in

[Rose76]

Feel kind of blue today.

[avlady]

I have been a mess lately too. cant get started in morning and feel lazy all day. Maybe a new med change is needed? This is the worst its ever been as I can recall in my experience with schitzophrenia. I am going to try to get in touch with my primary doctor and my psychiatrist soon, but I feel i cant even do that!

[Buffy01]

sometimes I wonder if my beliefs about myself is another reason why I feel depressed.