does it ever get any better

I have been depressed for as long as I can remember. I wonder sometimes if it ever ever gets any better.

I have tried so many medicines that I do not even remember all the names.
I was abused as a child . I was raped in the navy and I have a very abusive husband and six children.

this weekend has been especially bad. My doctor has been out of town all last week and will be gone for two more. I am scared and feel so alone.

(((((shirley)))))
welcome to PC!

Yes, it does get better, truly! I used to think that, but in the last year things have really been good for me (ok, so things are not 'good' but for the 1st time in my life I am not depressed every hour of every day). After my husband and I split things started to get better (even though it was a really tough situation for a long time) and things just 'came together'. I am in a place for the 1st time in my life where I feel good about myself- good enough to finally work on myself and my issues, and things are just generally better.
So I guess that what I am saying is that there will come a time when the cloud will lift and the sun will begin to shine on you too. It may not be today or tomorrow, and it may seem like it may never happen but when you are least expecting it, things will suddenly seem a littler brighter. I wish you all the best xxx

Shirley, you seem to be asking the question, "when does s%#@ STOP happening?" heres the answer, when we stop seeing it as (bleep) and start seeing it as the good and perfect will of the father in our lives. Was it his will that you were raped, NO...but can he now use you to help others (if you will) did he choose your husband? NO, but can he use you to show HIS love to him and start to effect change...(if you will) All of the (bleep) that you've gone thru can only be processed in one of two ways, the first is to feel powerless and hopeless about it which leads to depression and self pity, OR you can choose to praise God for the grace he's afforded you which allows you to say,"not my will,but your will be done Lord" Only he can take that which was meant for evil against you and turn it into good in your life. I know what it is to suffer with depression and I rebuke the suffering and defeated spirit which is responsible...in the name of Jesus!

It does get better.

And you aren't alone. We're here with you.

Shirl ,,, In time things as we move forward to understand our own selfs ,, Shirl ,, I sometimes am amazed at the little moments of respit . And that in and of its self ,,, Can make a giggle turn into a Laugh ,,,, And in time a snowball rolling down a hill of smoothness ATM ..

Sometimes fleeting ,,, But not always forever [ although it gets that way ] << it would seem .

And I will share an abuse thing I endured >>>. I was an alterboy in the errrrrrmmmmmmm ,,,, And was broken of all trust as to faith and eeeerrrmmmmm ,,, But Hey ..... Never did I say forgive ME ,,,,, For I was a child ... Innocent .

You take Care and the place you rest when weary is yours and not someone elses beliefs . .

We are here, You can lean on us.

today is the day that my mom died. I am up early to get my daughter to school and then I don't know what I will do.

I feel totally numb this morning. I don't even feel real. It feels like I am watching a horror movie that will end soon .

I think about all the times that I was not there when she wanted me to be and all the fights we had when I was my daughter's age. I want my mom to be here to talk to and to hold me when I cry. It is never safe to cry anymore.Not even today.

I know that she is better now. The pain is gone and she is happy so I guess the way that I feel is just selfish.I haven't kept promise I made to her as she was dying. Promised to leave my husband and to go back to school.
She knew how much he hurts me and she knew I would need job skills. Now I am too physically unable to even walk lots of days so I am not so sure how I can do either.

I am sorry mama. I have been bad again. I love you and I wish you were here for me to hug

(((((shirley))))) I know how you feel about losing a parent. I hope that you find the strength and courage to leave your husband behind. Not because it was a promise to your mother, but because it's what you feel is right. You deserve a happy life.

Some people deal with depression their whole life. It becomes a manner of recognizing the symptoms and developing coping skills. The most important thing is to have some type of support system. This site could be it, a friend, a family member. It has to be someone who understands depression on a certain level. When things get really bad, think of something that can keep you going. For example, your kids need you. It will get better, it's just not last long until your next episode. Also, you may want to consider finding some type of therapy for the abuse and rape. The more you talk things out, the better you feel and the easier it will get to move on.

(((((shirley)))))
Today is a special day for me too- 8yrs ago my beloved Nana passed- to be with Granddad for Valentine's Day. Take care of yourself, ok.