[Mouse_]

why does feeling depressed and suicidle feel like such a dirty thing? why does wanting/needing attention or better then that, compassion from others feel such a discusting thing? who says these things? why do people prefer those that are Heroic then those that appear cowardly? Aren't these traits in all of us? Is it better to admit to our needs/weaknesses so they do not continue to hold their power over us coming out disguised as impatience and perfection?

[snow123]

The questions you ask invoke curiosity in me as well.

It feels wrong (like we have committed a crime as you say) and like a crime, it is ashamed to have it.

[Perna]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Mouse_ said:
Is it better to admit to our needs/weaknesses so they do not continue to hold their power over us coming out disguised as impatience and perfection?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
I think people who disguise often don't have the courage to look at and see their needs/weaknesses. That's why anxious people get controlling, to make sure things don't get out of hand. Perfectionists seem to me to have to be always doing something to keep from having a free moment when they will see something not perfect in themselves.

I think we like the strugglers because, as you say, we all struggle and they're doing it right and we can see they're trying whereas we often think of ourselves as not trying and as if it is all our own fault that we need help. We don't know how to accept help and use it and that makes us cross, impatient and angry. We feel like we should be like the heroine and able to handle needing help as well as being good strugglers.

[Cyran0]

Society has placed a stigma on those qualities you mentioned and while we know better, we're still effected by it.

A scant few thousand years ago appearing weak or emotional could get you killed so as a species we learned to value superficial strength, composure, status, etc. This outdated thinking informs our culture to this day.

Cyran0

[AAAAA]

I think that Cyran0’s right. We’ve been taught to hide anything that isn’t the “norm”. I think that we are also wired to survive as well.

But I agree with you Mouse as well, we’re all cowardly and all heroic. Sometimes we need attention and compassion. What I find so promising about the human race is that even when we’re at our darkest hour, if we see someone in our own condition or worse, we’re able to step out of ourselves and give compassion to others in need.

If you observe toddlers at play, when one is hurt, the rest do everything they can to make the injured one feel better. I don’t know when or how that instinct is changed.

[Perna]

Yes, you'd make a very good cat :-)

If you observe toddlers at play, when one is hurt, the rest do everything they can to make the injured one feel better. I don’t know when or how that instinct is changed.
Quoted from AAAA
such a good point.

everyone needs support at some time in there life
we could all learn from children

Mouse do not feel like its a crime if you can

cause in the sheeps mind it is not, your allowed to be depressed from time to time imo......
muffy

[Soidhonia]

Hello (((MOUSE))), I am sorry that you are struggling at this time with this question. I think Cyrano is correct in establishing that SOCIETY in general expects everyone to Survive ,nd not be weakened by defenselessness in their lives. It is more of a conformist type structure in life,where if you feel bad or worthless then it is weakness instead of a mental health issues or looking for a better way out or just needing a break from the depression and feeling of worhtlessness. For some people Just GET Tired and feel that there is no way out, and a lot of people are just not getting their emotional needs met in a safe manner (in life in relationships, or in therapy) and have any hope that the future will be better than it looks to them at this time. Depression is a very debilitating to the emotional system, and to life in general, and that is why it is so terribly important to be honest when you are feeling depressed and suicidal with your therapist,to be able to get the professional help you need when you need it the most,so you can feel better in a shorter amount of time with med adjustments and therapeutic support, and not have to feel that things are not going to get better and become so desperate and feel so alone. Take care (((MOUSE))). I think you are doing a great job at getting your needs met through therapy.in being honest and open in letting your therapist help you at your therapy sessions. Balance is a very important thing in life emotionally. Take care (((MOUSE))). Soidhonia

[Kiya]

Mouse - yea i dunno. i think crano hit on it - that whole survival of the fittest thing; those who are weak get eaten or killed off. that whole kid thing was interesting too - adults even teach kids to pay attention and give kind words when another kid is hurting, scared, or upset. but somehow "adults" are not supposed to behave in the same way. I, too, learned that in youth group - when i was depressed as a young teen, my youth leader tried to help. but when i was depressed as a young adult, i was ignored by her unless i made myself appear chipper and say everyting was fine. I learned adults cannot be honest with their feelings and still be accepted.
now i have a hard time telling even my t when i'm not doing well. she even asked me to call if i got to an unsafe place tonight (which I did - but the SI group really helped me) and i still couldn't tell t.
it is like society thinks it is contagious to be down and/or suicidal - and maybe it is. maybe that IS the fear. I read a statistic that something like 30,000 ppl attempt every year and 10,000 actually succeed. I mean that is a huge, astronomical number of ppl. maybe it is taboo because if we looked at it, society would have to do something about it - like change the status quo and look at how our society really does ruin people's lives.
((((((((((mouse)))))))))) hope you are doing ok!
Kiya

[nightbird]

keep your head up high!

you know, even some families will shun the member with difficulties adjusting to certain circumstances, let alone deformities on the other end of the spectrum.

it's best to evolve, no matter the problems we have, by solving and surviving our problems by seeking help and luckily today, it's more available than other times.

i learned along time ago that in order to get help with certain problems, the acceptance and understanding did not lie in families, but with the therapeutic community.

this definitely applied in my life.

take sweet care of yourself and remember you are unique and worth every effort you make to improve things.

peace,
nightbird

[ECHOES]

idk Mouse. I finally had the nerve to mention suicidal thoughts to my T after nearly a year. I was too ashamed about it. She just gently said "This is the place to talk about those kinds of things."

Still I can hardly do it. It's the kind of thing, like self injury, that I will call and tell her on the phone but can't bring to session any other way.

Shame about so many things runs so deep...

[Fuzzybear]

Very good and thought provoking thread .... sending you support and care ((( mouse )))