how do i deal with this?

so confused, i just got laid off, which is okay because i can't seem to keep focused or keep a job for six months. not good at all. my hunny and i have been together for 1 year 1/2 now and he just got his truck driving lisence and he loves it. generally we are doing great but he doesn't understand depression, anxiety and so on. we just moves to this new city and we're finally getting it together. it's hard for me to finish anything so like i said we're doing good. now i try not to burden him with my struggle but i think that he is depending on me to figure this whole thing out although i tried to explain what i've been going through ALONE all my life, i think that he just doesn't know how to help me yet he does try to make things lightly at times for me and that's great. but sometimes when i'm overwhelmed he backs off or gets frustrated and that makes me feel horrible. so i have that same feeling with others because i don't think that they understand so i just want to hide, stay home, sleep and so this all (among other things) feels toxic to me. and i never know when this feeling will end, so anxiety sets in and then i panic. when i'm done with that, i start crying over the silliest things and i get so sensitive (almost child like) and i make no sense at all. after the clouds have cleared i get into this spaced out mode and then it's like i get redirected to another challenge or the page has turned. i don't understand, i try and try to fallow a straight and narrow, be optimistic, and keep walking ahead but then i get these cycles of messed up madness. i'm really worried that he'll get tired of this roller coaster ride and that this will be the reason of a good thing.

i can see why you'd be concerned shaggy... its real life you're talking about even tho the pain and misery of depression can feel unreal and out of this world.. i hear ya...

you have us as a community to share the burden.. will a therapist or meds help? at least til you can get some direction happening?

for me, the cycle continues but has changed shape and content.. always something it seems...

imo the pain and cycle has continued for you cause some serious issues in your life still have not been resolved.. they may be issues from childhood or days past when you were younger.. the thoughts and feelings appear to rest idle and not be present until some item or event gives the forgotten memory o good hard kick.. its letting you know its still there...

can you examine the feelings more closely? for now the issues might seem bunched together and senseless, but there is some sense to it....

it is very hard work.. i understand.... keep posting.. its a positive way to get it out... for sure it hurts.... for sure

Shaggy,
I'd look for some outside information on depression and anxiety. Don't keep slogging it out by yourself. This website was a good find for you because you can talk to people and get some direction on how to handle this. Some books or web information on depression and anxiety would help, too. You need to either learn some new skills or resolve some issues in your life. To keep trying to get new results with the same old methods you've been trying for years isn't going to get you anywhere. If you could do some work, show some improvement, and come up with a long term plan then even if you're not totally cured, people around you and even yourself will be more tolerant of your problems.

PM me if you want to.

Hi shagyy76,

This must be a very difficult situation to be in. Depression is very difficult to understand not only to the sufferers, but especially to partners of depressed people. Depression cannot be explained in terms of logic or environmental happiness, because it primarily a physiological illness, that is internally generated. It is caused by the body's inability to produce sufficient serotonin - a feel good neurotransmitter - and this a is a medical condition and NOT a "mental" condition.

You can treat yourself if you understand the biochemistry of depression. If in doubt please see a Nutritional Doctor or a Clinical Nutritionist.

Please read:

Depression is a Nutritional Disorder