sorry to rant but i am just not sure what else to do in order to pass the time. i thought things had been looking up with my holiday and everything but by the end of it i couldn't face getting out of bed and now i am home again, i can barely say a word. i am just so tired. tired of looking after my mum and acting happy to move her along and tired of seeing my sister's stuff and having people keep saying "ohhh are you missing katie sweetheart?". i have had to block my phone number for the moment so i stop getting hounded by calls from stupid people who've done me harm in recent past and i just want to be ALONE. i don't even want to 'get better' now- it is too much effort. i want to be left alone and just to sleep and i can't face getting up tomorrow and playing out the same scene again! sorry about the negativity, i get it from my revolting father. i don't know if i need more meds or what but i just don't see the point to sorting that out when all i want to be is ALONE.

[RozG]

hi there.

this may seem like a silly question to you and apologies if it does. have you thought that perhaps the reason you feel this way...not wanting to get better, wanting to be alone etc...is because your meds aren't working? maybe they need to be increased or maybe changed to something else?

also, i don't know if you are seeing a therapist or not? if you are maybe the frequency of appointments needs to be reviewed? if you're not then maybe you need to think about seeing one for your own benefit?

it seems to me you've got a lot of bad stuff going on at the moment...and your mum to care for on top...but you also need to think about your own care too!

and as for ranting...you should NEVER apologise for that...you know that's what we're here for...and you also know how bad it is for you to keep it all inside, yes?

please rant some more if you feel the need to...i for one will read and respond to it all.

hoping you find the strength to get the help you need for YOU soon.

thank you for your reply. it was really sweet and encouraging. no i am not seeing a therapist because we both agreed that therapy and CBT would NOT work for me. I am thinking about increasing my medication and am seeing a doctor on monday but I have school on monday too and i just cannot face going back to 'society'

[RozG]

okay, thanks for telling me all that, it helps a little.

first, i'm a bit unclear on who decided therapy wouldn't work for you...though that's not really my business. i just hope you do realise that you are entitled to change your mind at any time and you can get a second opinion at any time? also therapy does not HAVE to include CBT...just incase you were given the impression it does.

also, as you're still in school...maybe you have a school counsellor you could talk to?

and have you got....or thought about asking for...a home-help for your mum? or once a month weekend respite care?

PLEASE forgive me if you feel these suggestions are inappropriate or unsuitable for you and your mum's situation but...well, like i said already...i don't know you and i'm just trying to help and support you.

and please...DO keep posting until you feel better, it does help.



p.s. you didn't say when you're seeing the doctor but i assume it's after school?

yes i am seeing the doctor after school. thanks for your advice. yes i do have a home-carer for my mother even though technically i don't qualify for one so we had to go private and not through the NHS. she isn't that bad but she is just a bit of a risk since my sister's death.
Both my psychiatrist and I decided against continuing counselling/CBT/psychoanalysis. i am a compulsive liar so it really just does not help. i am schizoid/narcissist so counselling is very unlikely to help. sorry, i just felt like ranting, it is fine really.

[RozG]

((((((((hellishlygood))))))))


here if you need anybody, ok?

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((hellishlygood)))))))))))

[shaggy76]

we're here for you and i'm sorry you have to go through so much so warm hugs for you and i hope you find some comfort through all this . keep posting whenever you need to, some of us are listening

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( hellishlygood )))))))))))))

[Soidhonia]

(((HELLO GOOD))). I feel that you are at least being honest with yourself that you need a med change or adjustment and you need to use that honesty to go to the Dr to get the help you need at thies time. Unfortunately I will be at work on Monday morning, but I hope you decide to do the appropriate thing and at least go to the Dr for help. If you become more critical then go to your emergency room to get help there is needed. Pm anytime Good Unfortunately working has left me little time to come to chat lately, but you are Always welcome to Pm at any time. Take care (((GOOD))). I hope things work out for you soon. Soidhonia