[RozG]

i can't figure me out any more...and right now i don't have the energy to even try. i was over the moon today coz i had the best day ever with my kids. now...don't matter why...i just feel like giving up. i feel so empty inside yet it's not like i don't have ppl who care about me, i know i do.

one friend today "made my day" four times...and that's just one friend. gotta own though it's a 2 way street with him...he does things he knows will lift me just because he can...and i do things i know will lift him just because i can.

yet a large number of friends are driving me nuts atm...grrrrr....by expecting me to be their 24/7 agony aunt...and their not the sort of friends to ever be there in return, not the kind to so much as give you a please or a thank you...but i won't turn my back on them coz i don't give to receive and they've got problems and somebody has to help them. but it's starting to drain me...big time. i just feel SO tired all the time, just wanna find a cave to crawl into and hide, make the world go away.

and how selfish is that to complain that friends are draining me?

i guess i'm just trying to figure how i can have such a fantastic day with my kids and friends, feel so over the moon, then suddenly just come crashing down to the point where i feel so darned empty!

dang, anybody ever just wanna give up? ever wonder what's the point? ever think you've used up all your chips and this is as good as it's ever gonna get again?

dunno...just rabbiting on now....

apologies for being a human emotional rollercoaster....geez stop the train i wanna get off!

[nowheretorun]

can you monitor that cycle KJ? .. take note of the up down/pattern of it?

is it related to diet? or environmental factors that are recurrent in any way?

sending hugs (((KJ)))) dont wear youself out hon...

[MyBestKids2]

Dear Sweet ((((KJ))))

I have been there too many times the past couple years. The changes in mood happen so quickly, and you crash so hard. I'm sorry there isn't anyone "there" for you right now!

Hmmm, I'll check into a passport!

Thinking of you warmly

[gimmeice]

(((((((kj))))))))
I'm sorry your friends are draining you right now.

[RozG]

thank you ((nowheretorun)) my doc suspects i'm bipolar but there's a long waiting list to get checked out...meanwhile i go up/down/up/down dozens of times a DAY from one minute to the next literally...it is tiring but...thank you for the idea of noting it all...that will save time when the appointment does come thru coz they'll only ask me to do that anyway.

and thank you for being so helpful here...my ups/downs must be getting on your nerves by now. hugs back just in case...

[nowheretorun]

awww.. you dont get on my nerves in the least you sweet person... just take care, k?

more hugs...

[RozG]

hey ((mybestkids2)) i'm glad you understand and thank you for your kind thoughts.

[RozG]

((gimmiece)) thank you...and for the record...it's nobody here...this place is my sanctuary where i come hide from it all and get some relief. thanx for caring.

[RozG]

thanx ((nowheretorun))..it's nice to know...and thanx for the extra hugs.

((((((((Kalamity_Jane ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Your always allowed to vent
wish i could more vent more at times

everyone loves you here
we all care
you mattter alot here
muffy

[RozG]

((((((muffy))))))

i know ppl here care, it took me a while to believe it but now i truly do.

i wasn't refering to ppl here in my post...this place is my much needed sanctuary ty.

thanks for caring muffy.

[shaggy76]

let it all out anytime you kalamityjane let it out.we're there for you as you are for us. extra hugs for you and i hope you get something out of your doctor visit, hang in there.

[RozG]

thank you shaggy, you're suportalways means a lot. i think more thananything i just need to learn to have a cut-off point where i say no without feeling guilty. easier said than done tho for me.

((((shaggy))))

[nothemama8]

Dearheart, keep a notebook of your up times, and your down times, I have a tendency (sp) to talk rapidly and laugh , joke , and be obnoxious , very little sleep, then I crash hard, cry for no reason, anger easily, lanquage goes in the gutter ( hubby hates that one ), I'm bi-polar (rapid cycler ) DID, anxiety, a regular heinz 57 mixture
Love ya
Angie

[RozG]

you sound a lot like me...tho i can be up then down more times in one day than i can count...so yes, i am now keeping note of it all. thanx for caring and you should know by now i love you to pieces.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( kj ))))))))))))))

[RozG]

((((((Fuzzy)))))) you do lift my spirits just by being here and just by being you

[nothemama8]

am pickled tink to be your friend

[RozG]

i'm tickled purple coz you're such a huge support and such a caring person...

love ya

[katheryn]

kj i know what you mean by ppl venting there problems irl and not having time to listen , i spent a lot of time learning this was my downfall and start of my depression, i was always there for others even feeding one famil;y and in return well you dont need to know that its another story

if these ppl dont understand that you need to vent as well to a real person, tell them your sorry but at moment your exhausted and cant pay fall attention to them

i also statred keeping a mood diary not because im bi polaor or anything i found it helped to right down what made me feel good or bad then looking bk you think well i got past that

((((((((((((((((kj))))))))))))))))

[RozG]

wow i never thought of writing down the emotions/events etc alongside the mood-swings...just the times and up or down...so thanks for that.

and yes, you are right that sometimes being too kind, being there for others who won't ever be there in return is a big trigger for depression.

and you're also right that i just need to start learning to tell them straight.

thanks again ((((((katheryn))))))

[beth16]

Kalamity Jane. My heart goes out to you. I hear your frustration. If I may, I would suggest just taking a day apart from all your friends and have some "alone time". Some times that helps me - especially when I leave my cell phone at home. (((kalamity jane))). Take care, Beth

[RozG]

Beth, that's a good one...taking a day off and "forgetting" my cell phone. thanx for that one. ((((Beth))))

[RozG]

up down up down up down

don't mind me, i'm just venting when i should be sleeping

if you've got any common-sense you'll read this post, think....geez, her again...and----------------------------------------->

[Pseudonym]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
beth16 said:
Kalamity Jane. My heart goes out to you. I hear your frustration. If I may, I would suggest just taking a day apart from all your friends and have some "alone time". Some times that helps me - especially when I leave my cell phone at home. (((kalamity jane))). Take care, Beth

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I could not agree more. I need to do this more often than I do, so maybe I'm hypocritical, but boy does it work!