Amnesia would be a welcomed silence.

Have you ever heard a song that you absolutely disgusted, but couldn't get it to stop playing in your head? Well that's how I am with memories and it's driving me insane (hopefully not literally). I am constantly cursed with memories of things in the past, that clasp onto something in the present. Now I wouldn't call it PTSD, but then again I'm not a doctor. At the time, those moments were pretty terrifying and embarrassing to me, so maybe that's why they've always stuck around. Anyways, I've always wanted Amnesia. I know it sounds selfish or downright naive, but when you have the kinda thoughts I have 24/7 you too would want utter silence. There's times where I can't even concentrate because I'm too busy trying to think of something else so the current movie playing in my head will just disappear. But it won't. It'll come back hours or days later.

I know I've got some really dark thoughts running amuck up there, but what am I supposed to do? They don't go away, they just play over one another until one of them plays the loudest! The one place that I actually can escape from the world, is also the one place that's just as dangerous if not more.

Does anyone know what I mean? Just a chance to start over, like nothing else happened in the past....It'd be refreshing.

we cant start over completely meccorad... that would involve time travel... but we can retrain our minds... it takes time... start some new movies up there... slowly the old ones might fade away... it takes time....

I wish it were just that easy. I think I'm running out of room up there...

I actually started a blog here, and I chronicled all the bad memories out by age group. So far it's only made me think harder of the worst times of my life, but it's also giving me a better glimpse of when and how things got me to where I am today. I figured if I could get them out of my head and onto paper (virtual blogging paper of course) then I could forget them and let something fresh in.

but until I actually make the decision to step up to the plate and seek professional help I've got a lot of things to take care of first. I'm pretty sure I'll be ending up in a ward.

good for you meccorad... apparantly i make it sound easy too much..... believe me, i know its not easy friend... its been 30 years for me.... everyone has to find their own way and i wish you nothing but the best.....

hypnotherapy can offer amazing relief.

Eh, I'm too skeptical....The only way hypnotherapy would work is if they drugged me first...and with my background that's not a good idea hahah...

nah, it's just a relaxed state where you are in complete control. very relaxing and very enjoyable, very peaceful, like the relaxed state you feel right before going to sleep, but with hypnotherapy you remain in that relaxed state.

I was not sure about doing it with the psychologist I was seeing. We started with guided imagery and even though I was nervous and self-concious, I wanted to try and I was very surprised at how relaxing it was.

it is nothing at all like you see on tv for entertainment. it's quiet, safe, peaceful, and anxiety just dissolves; those nice feelings last a while afterwards too. I don't know how it progresses from there because I ended up switching therapists after only a few months, but I continue with guided imagery CD's and meditation CD's.

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