I want to curl up and die...

...Not literally. But figuratively, yes, definitely.

This past week has really, really sucked!

* My 5 week report came on Saturday...All my grade were C's. Bad in my mind, even worse in my parents. They basically said that I need to think about other schools to apply to because my grade aren't going to be good enough for the ones I'm currently looking at (I'm a junior by the way).
* Youth group was really emotionally intense on Sunday.
* I didn't have T on Monday.
* School was the biggest drag of my life.
*My friend got mad at me yesterday and almost made me call my parents to go home because she was being pissy (I stayed though, and it ended up OK).
* My favorite youth group leader, one of my best friends (kind of like an older sister) graduated from college today, and I don't know if I'm ever going to get to see her again. I know that I won't for at least awhile.

Today, here's what I've done:

* Go to church.
* Watch TV.
* Text my friend to try and feel better.
* Go online.
* Keep myself occupied so I don't cry.

Really, I want to find myself a hole and stay there for quite some time! It sounds pretty good to me right now.

((hug)) Even though you listed 6 things, I would think that the emotionally intense youth group might be also because of your youth group leader graduating? Does that mean she is moving back home or getting a better job?

Also, You school being a drag and your "C" grades... are centered on the same thing, right? Being an average student is nothing to frown about!... You can turn things around your senior year, but it will take work, and maybe tutors! However, you will still have 2 years of basic college to do well, and then go for the university you want.

As for the incident with your friend, it ended ok... but your depression is making you only focus on the bad part. What happened is the way life goes, hopefully...that things will turn out ok

Now, for not being able to see your therapist... how often do you generally go? With Monday holidays, there are many patients that don't get to see their T on particular weeks.

I hope you don't crawl into a hole at all. I think your efforts to distract yourself from your negative thoughts is a good thing, good self care! Now, work on those things you can change, and move on from those you can't.

by talking it out here and getting a few or more replies you can decide for yourself what is the best action to take... so many good people here who care and share

Thanks Sky.

Yeah, youth group was emotionally intense in part because of it being the last time I knew I would get the chance to see my leader, but also because it was a worship night and we were talking about forgiveness and well, there's a lot on both sides of that that I need to work on. I can't explain it without a lot of stories.

Also, my parents DO NOT accept C's. Even when I get like, a B- or sometimes a B, I get "You could do better." And the thing with C's is, I know that I can do better and that I should be doing better...But under the circumstances of this year, my grades haven't been nearly as good. I'm doing what I can at the moment, and unfortunately, that's not too much.

I usually see my T every Monday. I couldn't go last week because I was on a school trip, otherwise I would've. I am seeing her tomorrow though (she's working because for the next 2 weeks she's going to be on vacation and she wants to give people a chance to see her before that).

I won't crawl into a hole...I'm just avoiding my family and being antisocial. My friend's gonna call me in a bit to try and cheer me up.

Grades wise I have a difficult time as well. I am capable of achieving grades a letter higher but have not. I have also needed to drop classes. This is something I have talked about with in therapy and I need to remember I am not at 100% and my capabilities are less than they are when I am well.

(((((((((((((((((( Singdancerunlife )))))))))))))))
I am sorry that you have had a hard week, I'm glad that you get to see your T tomorrow maybe she can help you feel better.

Well...I just had a crying fest. My friend called me, and we talked, and I cried (so I guess therefore, he mostly talked), and he tried to make me feel better but honestly, all I could do was bawl. And then I took a shower (a really nice thing to do after crying by the way), and now I'm feeling a bit better. Still like crap and wanting to curl up and hide away, but still, a bit better.

My plan for the rest of the night is to get a snack, take my meds, text my friend, set up a place to sleep in the rec room because my room isn't a good place tonight, stick in Father of the Bride 2, and fall asleep.

Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

SingDanceRunLife,
glad to hear you won't crawl into a hole. That's a no-no.
wishing you well.

I gotta say...A hole still sounds pretty good.

(No black hole smilies.)

((((((((fuzzy)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
my friend I am here for you
you matter to me
)

I just came back from T...And there, I did curl up into a ball and stay there. I half covered my face, looked down the whole time to make sure NO eye contact occurred, had my feet up on the couch...We talked about my youth group leader, and all the other people who have left me, and it was hard. I am now completely and utterly wiped out.

*Cry*

I was gonna hang out with my friend tomorrow...But it's not gonna work out due to scheduling.

Another day will come...

We did get to hang out We figured out different means of transportation which worked out just fine...And so, that was good, plus, he gave me the sweetest letter I've ever read that said how great a person and friend I am, how I will always be loved, how things will get better, and everything happens for a reason...And with that, he gave me a ring for a physical reminder of our friendship (he's been planning on doing that for awhile, and he thought now would be a really good time).

So yeah. I'm doing better now than I was before.

Mmm...I hate school. I hate being sleep deprived. I hate the noise of my little siblings. Really, curling up in a ball and hiding sounds oh so good right now!

(((SingDanceRunLife)))

Hope things look up for your soon.

Take care,
Dee

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
SingDanceRunLife said:
Also, my parents DO NOT accept C's. Even when I get like, a B- or sometimes a B, I get "You could do better." And the thing with C's is, I know that I can do better and that I should be doing better...But under the circumstances of this year, my grades haven't been nearly as good. I'm doing what I can at the moment, and unfortunately, that's not too much.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

My parents are like that too. And the thing is, I used to be always on the honors list. And lately, I screwed up college. I flunked 5 subjects and just got them into more trouble by almost killing myself >.>

Anyway.

I get that feeling too, all the time. I also wish I can stop time... and just sleep throughout and never having to wake up. Or just disappear in a corner. Just so you know you're not alone.

It's great to know that you have real life friends to talk to rather than having to deal with your problems just on your own. It would've been harder that way ;]

<font color="purple">Clandestine</font>

Thanks.

I've been doing better...But I'm not out of the woods yet, especially since my T is away for 2 weeks and I'll have no contact with her.

> But I'm not out of the woods yet, especially since my T is away for 2 weeks and I'll have no contact with her.

Maybe treat yourself somehow... a fancy ice cream sundae, a nice meal, a visit to a zoo, a carnival, something just for you...

*BIG SIGH*

I'm so stressed out and my sleep schedule is wonky and I got disappointed the other day...And it needs to be 3:30 a week from Monday!

sleep deprivation is no joke, as it interferes with all of our activities and mental acuity, and our attitudes towards others. how? we are out of focus and unaware of our own behaviors for a period because our sleep wasn't sufficient to restore our abilities and health.

that is how important sleep is.

perhaps if you found the thing that helps you get ready for restful sleep, AND DO IT, each night could be a blessing.

some people use warm milk, it releases trytophan (sp), which aides sleep, some use chamomile tea, or a nightime tea (a herbal w/o caffeine), cutting off caffeine at noon each day and cutting out soft drinks with caffeine, having a warm bath or shower at the same time each evening, and reading a magazine or a book unrelated to school, for relaxation till lights out, or writing or drawing in a journal....and listening to soft music before bed, or books on tape ... these things do work if you work them.

plus, fresh pj's, nice sheets and comfy clean and fresh bedding does help our psyche organize.
fluff your pillows or buy some new feather ones, and a down comforter (with your pay or put it on your xmas lists for family to buy)!

have a nighttime regime of hygeine, after your shower, where you get your facial time and haircare in, check out your cute nails, do they need a touch-up?

anyway, you get the message - it's all about you!

the better you feel, the more presentable you are for yourself reflects how organized you are becoming (even if you haven't gotten there quite yet, it appears so)... that can get you points.

to be continued ....

peace ad support,
nightbird