I've been up for a couple of days .... ok all morning, now I feel literally like i am going downhill, i can feel my insides sinking ..... i am on my own all day ... usually i crave my own company, but today i feel scared about being alone .... this is very strange ..... i dont want to go downstairs at all .... i dont want to leave my room ......

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( jinny ))))))))))))))))
I get like that too, just wanting to "hibernate" and depressed and scared, it sucks I hope you feel better soon sweetie!
And you can always hang out with me in my cave (I have warm blankets, hot chocolate and stuffies)

(((((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))))))

that would be nice ..... ty my friend ..... Jin xoxoxoo

[nowheretorun]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
jinnyann said:
I've been up for a couple of days .... ok all morning, now I feel literally like i am going downhill, i can feel my insides sinking ..... i am on my own all day ... usually i crave my own company, but today i feel scared about being alone .... this is very strange ..... i dont want to go downstairs at all .... i dont want to leave my room ......

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(((Jinny))))

you mention that 'this is strange'... is this the first time you've felt this way?

above all you need to feel safe where you are... if you are afraid to come out of your room i hope it is safe there.....

i become very concerned when you begin feeling this way Kerry....

is your therapists number nearby? or the hospitals?

try to enjoy some personal activities if you can... take a long walk in the woods you love so much, or just outdoors near your house .... breathe in the deep fresh air around you and allow yourself to believe the goodnesses within... do all you can to avoid the scary dark thoughts... you have a bright light of hope within you... you may choose to let it shine....

thanks everyone .... i had just finished writing this when my phone rang .... I ignored it .... usually do .... then i thought maybe it was my son, he's at work today. So i went downstairs to check the last number .... it was my sons friends mum .... she was in a state and had rowed with her hubby so i told her to come on round for a coffee. I ran around like a headless chicken getting dressed, straightening things etc. She seemed to be an answer from above .... then as we talked she told me she knew a few things that had happened (i posted in ptsd)and when she went i felt worse .....

I did some laundry,cleaning and cooking and that made me feel better. Tonight i pampered myselfin the bathroom for an hour and i feel muh better ... Tony breaks up for 20 days tomorrow .... we go on holiday on Friday .... my son and i talked, Tony and I talked and now i feel ok .... sorry this is so long .....

Thankyou everyone((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))NTR you are right, i have felt this way before ..... these last few days have been like a rollercoaster somehow .... really up or really down ....

anyway, I feel better now, thanks to talking to my family and you guys (((((((((((((((love))))))))))))))))))))))

Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxo

[nowheretorun]

(((Jinny))))

always wishing kind healing thoughts for you... i wonder if somehow posting at PC might be affecting your moods? please be careful and dont harm yourself by thinking too much (or too little) i hope you soon find your place of peace forever....

Darrell this is the second time you have mentioned this .... to me PC is supportive and i come here when i need to vent, support someone myself or chat with friends .... i don't know where you are coming from here .... thankyou for worrying, but today everything that happened was IRL ...... please explain why you say this? hugs, Kerry x

[nowheretorun]

i am ony concerned for your well being Kerry, not meaning to impose or cause you to feel uncomfortable.. as you had mentioned above, this is a repeating cycle of up and down, good and bad that you are aware of yourself.... as you know, it isnt a healthy place for you to be and i was trying to help you break out of it... please dont take it the wrong way.. i presume you come here for help and advice and so i offered you that.. hope you feel better soon...

My t says this is normal and it is a good sign i am becoming more aware of how i am acting .... coming here in between therapy sessions is important to me ... thankyou for your concern yes i do come here for advice, you gave it.... i do appreciate it .... but to not come here daily would be like losing a family to me ...love, Kerry xx

[nightbird]

((((((kerry)))))))

when you are calmer and in a better place, you might re-read NTR's post.

I find my reactions are more to the defensive bent when I'm going thru a thing.

you are loved and very much appreciated here for your comments.

glad you are felling better after talking to loved ones.

peace and love,
night

(((((((((((((night)))))))))))))))))

i re read it again .... still not sure why pc would affect my up and down moods ... while i'm down i get support from here .....

sorry if i'm being dumb here ...... but itis actually the second time you have told me to take a break from PC NTR ...... just makes me feel uncomfortale, sorry ....i know you mean no harm ... but i just wish you would explain .... Jin

[dev123]

Problem of dipression?

1. anger to any one
2. not able to mix with someone
3. friends comments
4. not complete your wish
5. not able to explore yourself, your feelings remain in your heart

<font color="blue"> </font> <font color="blue"> </font>

Remedy:
<font color="red"> </font>
1. get love from your mother/girlfriend
sleep in lap of your mother/girlfriend
2. go in the lonely room , close the door
a) weep as much as you can
b) shout and abuse some one who want to hurt you as much as you can
c) take your tounge out and move your head like mad person and shout your feelings out of your body, move your head and shout and do boxing with wall, do all the activities like mad person as your heart says and express your feelings out from your body
d) now you will feel relax and your anger will be cool


bye take care

yours dev

[nowheretorun]

(((Kerry)))) i dont recall ever having told you not to post here.. i do recall when you have mentioned more than once that your T recommended you distance yourself from these type boards...

its just that ive noticed (like yourself and others) that your cycle appears to intensify after you've been posting her for a month or so.. always wishing the best for you kerry... please dont take it in the wrong way.. sometimes we are unable to monitor ourselves and kind feedback is able to help us see our own patterns that we sometimes miss... when we expose ourselves to sensitive topics, we open ourselves to potential pains... i was only thinking of your own best interest as i understand that at times reading some of the posts here is not in our own best interest and at times we fail to self protect ourselves... there is nothing wrong at all with mentioning a break if someone seems overwhelmed... if you really think about it Kerry you will see that i'm correct... its important to do self care for your own best interests and when you can get to a more stable place yourself you will find that you are better equipped to help others...

many times your posts are descriptive of the psychotically depressed and that is a dangerous state of mind.. please prevent further self harm (((Jinny))))

[nightbird]

Hi Kerry,

Feel better soon.

love,
night <font color="purple"> </font>

thankyou for explaini and having my best interests at heart NTR.

My T says what i am going thru is normal for the stage of therapy i am at .... receiving support from my friends here helps me so much. I think i give others support here too ..... maybe sometimes more than others, but we are all guilty on a site like this of posting for ourselves on occasions .....
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
its important to do self care for your own best interests and when you can get to a more stable place yourself you will find that you are better equipped to help others...

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i'm sorry but i find this a little patronising ..... i am clinically depressed yes ..... i am not psychotic .... my posts here are no worse than other people write .... are you saying i am not in a good place to help others?

If anyone has recently been offended by my posts please reply ... i give love and hugs out to people who are hurting ...

so, although i an grateful for you worrying about me Darrel, please don't, if i need a break i will take one, like i said, my t says this is all normal, up one minute, down the next ..... I'm going thru intense therapy. I'm going on holiday on Friday for a week .... that will be a good break .... please dont look so deeply into my troubles, i appreciate you have 'my best interests at heart'. I do take care what i read when feeling vulnerable .....
((((((((((((((Darrel))))))))))))))))))

[Mouse_]

((Jinny)) I dont see you as being psychotically depressed. I think you do offer love to others here, I dont see your posts as waranting any censorship, just keep posting how it is for you!!

(((((((((((((((((Mouse)))))))))))))))))

thankyou so much ..... sometimes when depressed you do see others as 'having a go' so to speak, but i don't think i warrant being called psychotic .... i will leave the diagnosis to the proffessionals ....

Thankyuou Mouse, I will keep posting .... going away on Friday so that will take my dangerous state of mind outta here for a week

take care, Jin xoxoxoxoxoxo

(((((((((((((((nightbird))))))))))))))))

You too hon .... we have each other .... we can pull each other up

love you, Kerry xoxoxoxoxo