Which came first.. the chicken or the egg?

I guess my question is that I wonder if I'm lonely because I'm depressed or am I depressed because I'm so lonely.

Not that I really care, so I don't know why the thought even crossed my mind. Unless of course I'm just such a rotten person unworthy of companionship..... then I want to know how I got to be this way.

I think that you might be lonely because you don't have any close connections with others (or not enough?). If this is true, there could be a lot of reasons for this - 1) you don't trust enough to let people get close?, 2) you were never taught how to get close to others?, 3) you lack social skills or social insight?, 4) your self-esteem is low and this makes it difficult for you to interact with others? - this is all that I can think of at this time. If any of these are true they can cause both loneliness and depression. Maybe one doesn't cause the other? Maybe something like the above causes them both?

Very low self esteem..

(((ltr)))))) you're not alone....

Ltr....THATS FOR SURE YOUR NOT ALONE IN THIS! I feel the same way!

I have friends, but they all live away from where I live. I NEED personal contact with someone at least once a month! Would be nice if I had someone to go to the movies with, or out for a bite to eat on occasion!

But I don't and I just stay in my cave, and its VERY VERY LONELY! (& Depressing)..



Seamoods

I fit here too! I'm so lonely. I like going to my T because it is someone to talk to and be with.

My T says that if you chance your thinking, you can change your feelings. Some of the programs offered here on this Web site can help you with this. I've used my T and a book by Osborne (?) called the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook.
I hope you find peace and serenity.

Me too... I have T tomorrow (well later today... as you can tell I don't sleep well), and I so look forward to it. I know I have to talk, but I like the sound of his voice......... hearing it makes me feel like there's someone OUT there.. yanno? He's funny, intelligent, attractive and it doesn't matter if I'm just myself because the coolest thing is that I pay him so I can just BE ME!

Maybe if I could learn how NOT to be me, I would develop other relationships... and I try, but "me" keeps popping back out and ruins everything.

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Ltr2Hermione said:
Maybe if I could learn how NOT to be me, I would develop other relationships... and I try, but "me" keeps popping back out and ruins everything.

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I can see the low self-esteem that you mentioned right here in this sentence. Have you worked on this yet with your therapist?

Just told him that I want to change my personality... I'd like to feel human once in a while.. not feel like I stand out or feel unwelcomed and that's not going to happen unless I can make some serious changes.

When I did all my work on myself I tackled each issue. You have to identify it, understand it and get helpful feedback from your therapist. I approached therapy this way - I was understanding and changing myself with the help of my therapist. I think that you have to take it into your own hands. You know yourself better than anyone.

Oh gawd.... at almost 46 years old - I wish I did know myself. What I see I don't like...

I want to change the parts of my personality that turn people off. OOH... see... I identified something (with your help).

Therapy kinda feels like I'm wearing shades through a thunderstorm. I still have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing there. All I know is that I feel like total crap most of the time.. I'm lonely and it makes me tired.. then I get depressed.. and I hate the way I look and no matter what I try to do to change it I CAN'T. I hate what my life has become and I have no clue how to change it. i hate being stuck in this and I'm jealous of people who move forward with such ease.

Sorry... I'm just having a crappy moment and I can't whip out of it.

Thank you
L

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Ltr2Hermione said:
I want to change the parts of my personality that turn people off.

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Do you want to elaborate on these parts?

perhaps its not your life that needs changing, but the way you think about your life?

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Ltr2Hermione said:
i hate being stuck in this and I'm jealous of people who move forward with such ease.

Sorry... I'm just having a crappy moment and I can't whip out of it.

Thank you
L

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looks can be very decieving... there is nothing easy about dealing with depression.... it requires determination and irational hope at times... and when that fails.... its some miracle that some of us are breathing... its work... its hard.. i spend almost every night in night sweats... what is going thru my mind at those times?

sending you strength and hope ltr... you matter, you are someone... we all are...

I don't mean "easy" for folks who are dealing with depression. First hand I know how hard that is. I mean.... people who seem to move freely through life.. career, relationships, love, children, home, fitness.

I'm sorry.... I didn't mean it to sound like I thought folks who are dealing with depression move "forward" easily.

See what I mean? People like me are better off locked up anyway.. I offend people because I don't know how to communicate and no matter how many times I do it, I'm too freakin' obtuse to learn from my mistakes.

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Ltr2Hermione said:
See what I mean? I offend people because I don't know how to communicate and no matter how many times I do it, I'm too freakin' obtuse to learn from my mistakes.

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Hi L, I don't think that you offended Nowhere.....

I think when we're depressed it feels as if we are being misunderstood. but thats not fact, and I think depression and feelings of guilt go hand in hand and its that unconsious feeling of guilt that we project outside of us and immediately beat ourselfs up for having done something wrong. You know depression stinks when it hits and its no good saying anything else, but it also serves a purpose, it helps us re-group inside even if we're not aware of it at the time, to be alive means to have to deal with all these feelings..

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Ltr2Hermione said:
I don't mean "easy" for folks who are dealing with depression. First hand I know how hard that is. I mean.... people who seem to move freely through life.. career, relationships, love, children, home, fitness.

I'm sorry.... I didn't mean it to sound like I thought folks who are dealing with depression move "forward" easily.

See what I mean? People like me are better off locked up anyway.. I offend people because I don't know how to communicate and no matter how many times I do it, I'm too freakin' obtuse to learn from my mistakes.

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no offense take ltr.. ive read enough of your posts to understand your sincerity about your pain.. misunderstandings happen to us all.. what is important is the ability to discuss things in a rational and peaceful way as best we are able, the net return is better communication and thusway more efficient healing.. but we each are at different levels of growth at any given time and each dealing with a unique set of issues...

ive learned over time that the dynamics of your issue are sometimes applicable to mine and vice versa... its how we can help each other even tho we share different experiences....

i spent many years lonely and in your head place... thankfully its been left behind and i wish never to return to it..

have faith that you also can reach this place... many here will guide you....

then again you could just be bored to the point of distraction...how'd you "get this way?" probably from not being sufficiently challenged in life.

I know what you mean except I really don't have a lot of friends... maybe 1.. and she lives quite a distance from here.

I did have my church before I moved 2 years ago.. and I miss that church.

I wish I could. It seems like I don't even have to speak before people form an opinion of me. There's just something about me which rubs people the wrong way. I don't MEAN to "bother" people... honestly.. I'm not trying to antagonize anyone....... I just don't know how NOT to.

Hi Ltr2, can you stop focusing on others all the time and just focus on yourself? It seems like you go about your day examining others to see how they are reacting to you?

That's pretty easy since I don't really have an opportunity to speak with anyone anymore.... but think about that. If people react to me badly, how on earth can I sit there and engage them in conversation.......... It really doesn't matter at this point.

Is there any self-fulfilling prophecy going on here? Are you already acting like you are going to be rejected?