[LadyDragus]

i hve not posted in quite a while, for many reason. I quess cause I just did not know where to begin.. I hvae been under a great deal of stress at school and work, and I think my deperssion is coming back in so many ways I can not even count them
I have not thought bout (cutting) wihch is a good thing. So I wont chat about that in this post...
But I am going to try and talk and update you all on what has been going on.
My grades are not that bad this semster. a A, and a C, but that is higher now that my stupid teacher has my projects graded and uploded how high i still do not know hav enot had a chance to ask him,. For he keeps giving us homework and more homework with finaals coming up..
Plus with my health going down hill, all the time., I have been so sick lately I have not felt like doing much of anything but sleeping and going to school, work and sleeping. I barely have the engery to take care of myself, so I put all of it into taking care of my little girl when she is home.. That is all I can do. Take care of her, and make sure she is well feed and taken care of..
i do not do much if she is at home, I sit and watch Tv or play a toy game with her, or do what ever she wants to do..but other than that not much..

I do not even have the strenght to write peoms anymore. and that used to be a way I delt with my deperssion my mind can not think of anything to write for lack of a better way to say it.
the holidays are going to be really hard on me, cause of my surgery, I will be homebound will not be able to trval hardle anywhere cause I will be in too much pain, or some say that.. I hope I can at least see my other daugtyher next month I am nto sure if I will be able to.. Plus I hve a brithday that makes it even harder another year older and deeper and debt

I know this is a very long update since I have not been on in a long time, but I know I need to vent somewhere or I am giong to break down and cry my eyes out and that will not be good while I am at work..

[Wants2Fly]

Hello Lady D --

I am so sorry that you are feeling blue. It sounds like you have plenty of feelings -- just not ones that you enjoy having. You have so many stressful things converging on you at once -- the end of the semester (stressful for teachers as well as students); the holidays; upcoming surgery.

Give yourself a pat on the back for putting your daughter first. Taking time to play with her and enjoy her childhood with her -- this is so loving and caring and wonderful -- I hope that it nurtures the "inner child" in you as well.

Yup, spending the holidays recuperating is a bummer. I hope you will be able to have plenty of hot toddies or hot chocolate and cookies and warm fuzzy movies on TV. It would be great if you get to see your daughter during this challenging time. Will you have anyone to look in on you? Or to stay with while you recuperate? Perhaps you will feel more like writing poetry during those long, slow days while your body mends.

Plz keep us posted.

[shakes]

((((Trish))))
I am glad that you did check in, but I am sad that you are feeling down. I wish that I had some words of inspiration for you, but I just wanted to let you know that I read your post and am thinking of you.

Jessica

[PlanningtoLive]

Trish, I care. You're a super mom and you're trying to do it all, just like me.

It's not a good thing. Neither of us can - you need to take care of yourself. Your girls need you, a well rested, warm person who loves them.

I understand about not feeling well and getting the blahs. No energy, no motivation to do a thing............it stinks.

Know that I will sending you all the love and support I can, when you have your surgery. You'll be okay - a little painful, but better.

Please start taking care of yourself.

[heatherm]

((((((((((((Trish))))))))))))))

I've missed you! My gosh you have been busy girl....what surgery are you having? Are you ok?

No wonder you are feeling overwhelmed....accept those feelings hun....and know that you will get through them. You have been to heck and back so many times and you keep ploughing through everything. You are a wonderful Mom and your little ones know that. They are inspired by you...I know I am.

Keep taking care of yourself....you deserve it hun.

Love you xoxo

[wisewoman]

Was wondering where you were Lady. I am sorry it is a tough time for you. You know, i do not know about your kids, or if I did I forgot. I like that you can be attentive and present with your daughter. That is a gift. One thing I wanted to say is don't anticipate that you will be in a lot of pain. That makes it self-fullfilling. Also tell the doc your fear of pain and get on a good medication schedule and take as directed to keep the pain at bay. It gets dark early and that makes us cave woman even more doesn't it? good luck Lady.

[LadyDragus]

I am sorry it has taken me so long to reply to all of you, but I have been so busy with school I just now got to check all of my emails.. I have replied to some of your replys just not all of them..

I have been too busy to sit down and do justice to all of you, so I am doing that today.. where I can sit and actually say what I want from my heart

Your words do mean a great deal to me..
Trust me on this ok.

[LadyDragus]

Thank you ever so much.. Even knowing you are thinking of me does mean the world to me..

Knowing that I still have my support group on here when I have been gone so long, does mean a great deal to me Cauese over the next few weeks I will need it a great deal ok.

Thank you ever so much

[LadyDragus]

I actually have started taking care of myself.. My Pdoc has forced me to doso or he would have hosptialzed me due to lack of being able to keep any food in mysystem..
I have IBS so we are trying new meds to keep food in me, I have been on a BRAT diet for a few days, and so far it seems to be helping, I can not have any dairy, for a few more days, to see if that will help,
He thinks some of it is due to stress, and the upcoming finals I have coming up.... So my life has turned upside down again.. But I will make it I know I will, it is just a big bummer when I thought everything was going good, it goes back downhill

But I have also something like Fibromalygia, but more logialized in my back, only.. Which sucks because it is only in my back so it causes more pain in the lower back and only there..... SO morepain pills, and after my surgery, more PT, and ect... on top of everything else, School, and trying to find time for the wedding and then find time for me...
I just do not know how I am going to do it all.
with the holdiays coming up..

[LadyDragus]

I am having a breast re-duction a much needed one.. so mabye I can help re-duce the stress on my lower back, but since I have been digonoxed with something like Fibrobmyalgia but more logizied in the back area.. I can not think of hte name I did not write it down. I am not sure the surgery will help or not.. I am going to have to call my doctor's office on it Monday and see if I can find out the name of it, so I can tell you all the correct name..

It is nice to hear from all my friends on here..
Thank you all

[LadyDragus]

That is ok.. It has been a while since I have posted on here about anything about me or my family.. and forgetting is ok.. too..
Trust me I have a hard time rembering everyting you all tell me from time to time..

Thaink you for caring enough to respond.. IT means a great deal to me.. I hope you all know that..

[(JD)]

um I'm not sure that this applies... but with regards to your surgery and pain... make sure if you begin to feel pain afterwards, that you tell them and IF they don't respond (some nurses are like that) you remind them that the LAW states you do not have to put up with that pain!

But after my surgery I was singing/humming I was so tickled to have had it done! Of course, that all diminished within 6 weeks... another story Ithink I told you... anyway the real pain was only right after the surgery... and the meds covered it.

[LadyDragus]

Well my surgery is a in and out surgery.. I will be in at 7am, and out by that evening.. so I will be home by the time the reall pain kicks in, so I hope they give me good pills that will help ASAP

[(JD)]

OH? I don't think it's that in and out... like 23 hours and your surgeon checks you and you take another hour or two to leave... but the insurance pays easier because it isn't a whole day (24hours) LOL like the ins co doesn't know this? But the pain med is good stuff usually... also, you need to ask your doctor about compazine or such, because usually after so much med and surgery your tummy gets upset in a hurry! (Compazine works good too!)

[LadyDragus]

nope they told me I will be out by 5pm my eveing time..
I go in that moring.. out that evening.. just for breast reduction.. all done in outpaitent surgery also..

Not done in the hosptial at all..

It will be done in our new state of the art facitlity, Kinda scarey to me.. I do not like the idea, of being sent home right after a major surgery like this, trust me.. I want to be kept in, but they say no way.. YOu go home that day..