[silver_moon]

POSSIBLE TRIGGER!!!!!? PLEASE be careful


:sovb: banghead

I want to die (please don't worry, I don't think I'll ever be strong enough for that)
I can't do this anymore........ I'm so so so so f=depressed and I can't live like this anymore I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this evening.............. I was organising with my mum to see a theatre production for my birthday... my mum was going to book tickets for both her and me to see Cabaret and she asked if I wanted to invite 'K' (don't really want to put name).... K has always been an 'odd' friend... she's a bit two aced and always manages to make me feel worse and really depressed. (e.g. she'll say nasty comments bout me meaning them as a joke, I confronted her and said that I know she sees them as a joke but it really really does hurt me... she still does it and always had... and tat's just the start) anyway... I phoned K just now to invite her to see Cabaret with me and my mum... we talked a bit (at this point I want to tell you that I haven't told K about mine and Johns break up... purely because I dont trust her as a friend and knew she would make it worse)... well, when I phoned her I didnt think she knew... but she tilold me over the phone that she found out through Facebook (don't know wether its big in US but some Brits have it... I dont, I never kiked it purely because I didnt have any mates and I hated seeing all the comments and such on my ex's 'profile')... anyway, she was pretty awful about it and has upset me loads
I WANT TO DIE I HATE HIM, but I really don't hate him I want h, back.... how can he 'love' me so much one minute and cause me all this grief the next! 'cause that's what it is! GRIEF!!!!!! my boyfriend AND BEST FRIEND are dead!!!!!! gone forever!!!!!

I can't type anymore :sob... sorry, I'm in such a state :sobL I can't do this.... I have noone in real life, no friends...... jus my mu, and I should be gratefl for that..... oh I' an AWFUL person!!!!!! Lsob:

[cantstopcrying]

Oh sweetheart!! I'm so sorry! You are right--you are grieving and you don't need a "friend" to trigger you more. You need to fill your life with positive things and positive people. If I had to find someone to take to a play, I couldn't, so don't feel bad. You are taking the steps necessary in your young life to move forward. Focus on the positives of the past week and the positives that it could bring for you. You will meet people, you will develop friends that will be positive and not hurt you. I so wish you wouldn't have had your heart broken by John, but don't let it define you. Remember that you are loved, you are a wonderful young lady. Spend the time with you mom while you heal and learn to feel happiness again.

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((( molly )))))))))))))))
I am sorry that this person has treated you this way, you are not an awful person, you are a wonderful person. I am so sorry that you are hurting.

[Capp]

Silver...
There's going to be lots of folks giving you solid advice, and I hope you are able to follow some of it.

My own feeling is that I need to be honest with you, and I have no intent to hurt you. Please understand this...
You have every right to grieve about what has happened to you, and to find out now another crappy thing he has done is so very hard!
That said...if this is the way he treats you, perhaps you are better off without him. I'm not implying there were no good times, but his actions now are not being respectful of you.
As far as your "friend." Your Mum was probably trying to be sweet when she made the suggestion.
But when you know that she does not treat you withe respect...why invite her??

Silver, you have a lot of pain to work through and it's not going to be easy. Grief, anger, tears of frustration, wild thoughts--it's not going to be a picnic for sure.
You Can Do It.
I don't you very well, but I admire you. You may not feel tough enough right now, but it will come to you.
Believe in yourself, please

Cap

[silver_moon]

(((((()gimmeice_)))______

(((((((cantstop))))))) you truly are a good person and you are so ggod to me I don't deserve it
I've just tried for SO long... 3 or 4 years to tryy and find r=friends, even aquaintences.... just somebody this is so hard for me to even type right ow, I've just been hyperventialating, crying and screaming and feeling so low like I've never felt before to my my mum, shes just gone to get me a drikk, shes gonna book this show just for me and her... I dont want to know K anymore... as much as I want people in my life... I dont wanna know her, I've thought about it before... I wish I didn't forgive and love and care for people as much as I do, otherwise I would have stopped talking to her long ago.

I'm a mess

(((((((thank you so much everybody for being so patient with me don't deserve any of it))))))

[silver_moon]

Thank you so much capp ... and I hear what you're saying... I just give people too many chances I guess... I forgive too much.
But not from now on... I loved John and I miss what we had (both as a boyfriend and a best friend) but I won't let him get to me anymore as far as I can help it, as much as it kills me, now I am saying "That's it!" I don't want anythimng more to do with him (oh it kills me t say that... the hardest thing I've ever had t do letting John go COMPLETELY) but it's hurting too much so I've gotta do it... same goes for K... she's not a friend if she can keep hurting me over and over....

so... now im on my own (IRL) yay!

ouch

[silver_moon]

soooooooooooo sorry for saying "I W.... T.... D....." last night... still a mess but I know I shouldn't have said those words on here

[nowheretorun]

((molly))) maybe you are in a temporary time of transition and life change.. dont let it get you so down that you reverse course.. you've come this far and you've really had some insights and self learning and i know how that isnt real fun, but remember you were strong enough for this and you still are.. you have the power to make good choices for you.. its a good thing for all of us because one healthy person can help thousands... just remember that at the center of all this you are really doing this for yourself as an act of love... give it time, ok?

[Capp]

Silver, thank you for understanding what I'm trying to say...

I shared that with you because I've been on the same road. Forgiving beyond reason--letting things go much further than I should have because I didn't know better and I also struggled with self esteem issues.

For my own sanity and peace of mind, I had to say--to myself also--that I will no longer allow you to treat me that way.
To be honest, it scared me and it didn't feel right! I had always been the peacemaker at all cost, and it was foreign to me to stand up for myself.
I hope you understand that I'm not implying that this is what you are doing/should be doing!
It just got to be one big drag being the receptacle of other peoples' garbage...

One day at a time--ten minutes at a time if that is what feels better to you.

Cap