[lilyann]

Are there symptoms of depression if antidepressnts are working? Irritability? anger? low self esteem?
Is communication a major problem for those of you in a relationship? And if so - what do you attribute it to?

[TheDeliciousDish]

Originally Posted by lilyann

Are there symptoms of depression if antidepressnts are working? Irritability? anger? low self esteem?
Is communication a major problem for those of you in a relationship? And if so - what do you attribute it to?

I don't have any personal experience with antidepressants, but what I have heard is that anger and irritability can occur while transitioning into taking medication. Low self esteem is usually a consequence of depression itself.

As for communication in relationships, it's the BIGGEST problem. It can be attributed to any number of things, but bear in mind that depression can also lead people to withdraw into themselves, which includes not communicating with anyone (even loved ones). If you want to get inside, you'll really have to put some effort in. If it's someone you care about a lot, trust me, it's really worth the effort. Hope this helped, feel free to ask if you have any more questions

~TheDeliciousDish

[lilyann]

Originally Posted by TheDeliciousDish

I don't have any personal experience with antidepressants, but what I have heard is that anger and irritability can occur while transitioning into taking medication. Low self esteem is usually a consequence of depression itself.

As for communication in relationships, it's the BIGGEST problem. It can be attributed to any number of things, but bear in mind that depression can also lead people to withdraw into themselves, which includes not communicating with anyone (even loved ones). If you want to get inside, you'll really have to put some effort in. If it's someone you care about a lot, trust me, it's really worth the effort. Hope this helped, feel free to ask if you have any more questions

~TheDeliciousDish

Thank you for your response. I am at a giving up point. My husband has been on Zoloft for years - has been treated for depression for 25 years.
We have such communication difficulties. For, example, "It is so pretty out," I said, "I would love to go for a walk. Do you want to come." OMG - he said he was an after thought. I was so surprised and reassured him he was not. "You go on by yourself" he said - and I did. When I returned he said if I had asked him a different way....and if I had not gotten mad....(which I really was not)... and I was a moron. He often takes the most innocent things and turns them into problems. Then there is verbal abuse. Is this low self esteem and depression not being effectively treated??????? We can never clear the air after these "episode" because his perceptions are so different from mine. He gets sooo angry and accuses ME of being angry. It is the most odd thing. Is he in sane?
He is a doctor - very bright - very successful!

[Capp]

hi...
I'm sorry that you are going through this hurtful time, and I admire you for being honest and for seeking answers.

jmo...
if he has been on any medication for years, perhaps it's time for a check on it. it may have "pooped out" and that is fairly common with ADs. obviously, it will affect his mood, impulse control, and temper.

jme...I'm a retired psych nurse...but his being a physician can actually make it harder for him to seek help. perhaps speaking with the physician handling his meds can help you. confidentiality is always a consideration...his physician may not talk with you if your husband hasn't cleared you as ok to talk to. you can bypass this by leaving a message about his behavior and making it plain that you are only alerting them and do not expect a direct answer.

helping you...please make sure you do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. you do yourself no favors in thinking you aren't as important...
a short term therapy may help you right now.

best wishes for you to get this sorted out,
Cap

[lilyann]

Originally Posted by Capp

hi...
I'm sorry that you are going through this hurtful time, and I admire you for being honest and for seeking answers.

jmo...
if he has been on any medication for years, perhaps it's time for a check on it. it may have "pooped out" and that is fairly common with ADs. obviously, it will affect his mood, impulse control, and temper.

jme...I'm a retired psych nurse...but his being a physician can actually make it harder for him to seek help. perhaps speaking with the physician handling his meds can help you. confidentiality is always a consideration...his physician may not talk with you if your husband hasn't cleared you as ok to talk to. you can bypass this by leaving a message about his behavior and making it plain that you are only alerting them and do not expect a direct answer.

helping you...please make sure you do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. you do yourself no favors in thinking you aren't as important...
a short term therapy may help you right now.

best wishes for you to get this sorted out,
Cap

Thank you. Unfortunately he self prescribes so has no Dr. No cog. therapy-ever. I have seen psychologists (2 of them one time each because they said to leave him) . We have kids and to the outside world seem fine. Thank you for your expertise - bet you have some stories

[cajun]

Originally Posted by lilyann

Thank you. Unfortunately he self prescribes so has no Dr. No cog. therapy-ever. I have seen psychologists (2 of them one time each because they said to leave him) . We have kids and to the outside world seem fine. Thank you for your expertise - bet you have some stories

Some times men are just hard-headed. My wife suspected that I was suffering from depression. I refused to see a doctor, although I figured that her diagnosis was right. Finally she made an appointment without my knowledge and came to me crying, so I went. In my family depression is viewed as a weakness not an illness. Nothing could be further from the truth.

[Capp]

Originally Posted by lilyann

Thank you. Unfortunately he self prescribes so has no Dr. No cog. therapy-ever. I have seen psychologists (2 of them one time each because they said to leave him) . We have kids and to the outside world seem fine. Thank you for your expertise - bet you have some stories

lilyann, this causes me concern...about his self prescribing. Is he actually writing scrips for his meds or using samples left by the reps?
Sorry to be blunt, but this is dangerous for him and quite possibly for you. I am not implying you need to flee or anything else that drastic! It's jmo, though, that you need to try therapy one more time--make it plain at the very beginning that leaving him is not an option for you.

Your children...kids are very much aware of what is going on. Many times we shortchange them by thinking they aren't in tune with the tension...they are and usually blame themselves for it.
Whether they are exhibiting behavior problems or smiling sweetly, their hearts are still confused and hurting.

Because he is "high-functioning" now does not mean that will always be true...
Please do whatever you can to get a support system into place for yourself and your children. If he will not go to therapy with you and the kids--go anyway. You'll learn new skills and ways of handling things that will help you.

Again, my best wishes to you!
It's so darn hard to try and make changes when everything appears so natural...sometimes it makes us doubt ourselves and our feelings. Don't let this happen to you, lilyann.

Cap

[Einna]

Hey Lily -
For starters, I agree with what's been said thus far about the self-prescribing - it's dangerous and Zoloft does tend to "poop-out" after a while - plus there are advances in medicines that there are newer meds out there.
As far as the anger, etc. - I know my husband tried the Prozac only to find out that it really made him lethargic and foggy. Each person reacts differently to meds. A family member who is on Zoloft and Adderall - wow, you know when they're not on it at all. While the person may tell you they are taking the medication, I think their behavior might be the clues as to whether they really are or not. There's an edginess to begin with then it's total lack of communication, lots of anger, frustration, and severe depression. It's not good.
Is there any way of convincing him to see a psychiatrist - perhaps someone he may even know? You are being put on the spot and being made to take responsibility for his actions. You are human too. Expecting you to always phrase things just so and so it won't irritate him? Sorry, but that's unrealistic in my book. He's got to take responsibility for his decisions, actions, and choices... not you.
While I'm not an advocate for divorce, there are times when it's necessary. Please feel free to PM me if you wish.
Many hugs,
Einna

[lilyann]

Originally Posted by Einna

Hey Lily -
For starters, I agree with what's been said thus far about the self-prescribing - it's dangerous and Zoloft does tend to "poop-out" after a while - plus there are advances in medicines that there are newer meds out there.
As far as the anger, etc. - I know my husband tried the Prozac only to find out that it really made him lethargic and foggy. Each person reacts differently to meds. A family member who is on Zoloft and Adderall - wow, you know when they're not on it at all. While the person may tell you they are taking the medication, I think their behavior might be the clues as to whether they really are or not. There's an edginess to begin with then it's total lack of communication, lots of anger, frustration, and severe depression. It's not good.
Is there any way of convincing him to see a psychiatrist - perhaps someone he may even know? You are being put on the spot and being made to take responsibility for his actions. You are human too. Expecting you to always phrase things just so and so it won't irritate him? Sorry, but that's unrealistic in my book. He's got to take responsibility for his decisions, actions, and choices... not you.
While I'm not an advocate for divorce, there are times when it's necessary. Please feel free to PM me if you wish.
Many hugs,
Einna

It has been awhile since I have been here. I started a new job and will start another teaching college soon. I have considered what has been said so have suggested to my husband that we go for long walk - he has not agreed yet as he is angry again and locked me out of the bedroom - so tiring - and I will address: his finding a doc.
maybe different meds would help
can't go on like this - life is too short.
But this will be so difficult because he says,"I know more about depression than the people treating it." He defends his self medicating and misreads everything I say - so we will see. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR RESPONSES.

[lilyann]

Originally Posted by lilyann

It has been awhile since I have been here. I started a new job and will start another teaching college soon. I have considered what has been said so have suggested to my husband that we go for long walk - he has not agreed yet as he is angry again and locked me out of the bedroom - so tiring - and I will address: his finding a doc.
maybe different meds would help
can't go on like this - life is too short.
But this will be so difficult because he says,"I know more about depression than the people treating it." He defends his self medicating and misreads everything I say - so we will see. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR RESPONSES.

Well I calmly talked to my H and suggested that there are new meds or maybe more effective meds because I think some of our problems are related to his unhappiness. I mentioned that communication was often a problem in marriages paricularly if there is depression and he needs to get a doctor or we need to talk to someone. He said I was using his mental illness against him and that the problems were mine- that I was so angry all the time - yet He is so angry.
If I show concern - he says I am angry. If I am amazed it is anger.

[Einna]

Lillyann~
's and many more. I've become more vocal in the past couple of years with my husband - used to just put up with his anger, frustrations, and blaming anything and anyone else instead of taking responsibility himself. If you haven't already, when he fires off at you and blaming you, maybe face him, take a deep breath and calmly say, "Dear, where do you fit in all of this? Where do your responsibilities lie?" and then walk off. That made my husband slow down long enough in his accusations to think. We've been married 25 years now and I've finally worked up the nerve to stand up for myself.
You need to take care of yourself and it's not selfish to think that way. When you do, you'll be able to move on - with or without him. If you don't take care of yourself, it will only complicate things even more. You will feel better too. Keep us posted - we care!
Hugs,
Einna