[Merlin]

Hey,

I have found in the past that most of my depression is situation based, yet this weekend I scared myself, since I felt suicidal for almost no reason at all. I made the choice not to act on those feeling (I'd made a promise to myself to "attempt life" until my 21rst birthday) I'm not on medication since I'd told myself that I'd try everything else first, but I now have tried everything else. I exercise (thought not nearly as much as I should since it's too cold to go walking these days), I socialize with my friends, I go to school (I consider it my equivalent of working, since it will (hopefully) one day lead to a fulfilling career) and I see a therapist. I did not mind (so much) being depressed before since it seemed like a rational reaction to life circumstances, but I don't like this cause it doesn't appear (at least the next day) to be based in reality at all. I don't know, it just scares me.

Laura

[sqrlb8]

Wow Laura, you seem to have put the whole mystery of it so succinctly, in that it doesn't seem to be reality based at all. That is scary. But ironically, that scary aspect of it all ends up being the door behind which so many answers to life lie.

For me it was a lifetime of behaving strangely, assuming that how I felt was in some way rooted to how things were, before I became so bizarro that it was obvious even to me that something more was in play than real response to real life. The revelation it has been to find that my inner scape can shift on its own is nothing less than a life saver. To have discovered this before your 21st birthday sets you head and shoulders above the pack in my eyes.

Good that you're seeing a "t" and good that you're here. Your capacity for insight will serve you well.

[(JD)]

Just wanted it known that I read this post and am trying to support the postee.

[Did this qualify as an all "I" statement like not I wants???]

So sorry Laura. Please hang in there. There is hope in the future.. even beyond the 23rd. Maybe it is some medical reason.. Maybe you should talk to your doctor about getting on anti-depressants until the suicidal feelings and issues get resolved. You are important enough to get some help! Feel free to reach out to any of us..and be sure to talk with your therapist too. The more caring people that you surround yourself with, the better things will get. They will show you how precious you are. Prayers for you.

[_Fly]

Hi Laura -- I agree that you are ahead of the pack by addressing your depression using so many approaches at a relatively young age.

My medication (Effexor) has given me relief from suffering -- after many years of seeing Ts on and off -- that I never dreamed of. Doesn't mean I don't ever have bad hours, but the overall level of being able to appreciate life is higher than I ever hoped it might be.

I am wondering, however, if even this depression has a situational trigger, albeit one that may not be immediately apparent. Dr. Burns talks in one of his Feeling Good books about a patient who was a busy entrepreneur all week long but sunk into depression during her weekends, when there was too much unstructured time. That's not an obvious situational factor -- yet it was a real trigger for her.

Perhaps you can explore this possibility, as well as meds.

You've done so much work on yourself -- good for you. It can only keep getting better.