can you ever learn to accept 'it' ?

'it' meaning depression and all the bad stuff that comes with it !!

Is fully embracing it and caring about it the answer to it getting better and, hopefully, going away ?

In the past I knew it was there but just 'sat in it' - I did not understand it, I just reacted to life without trying to understand and change myself. I then grew to believe that with hard work on myself and understanding of theories about it, that I could grow past it - I found hope ! Maybe I could be 'normal' at last. I was on my way !
Last January I had a much hoped for operation on my sinuses. I had a tooth removed 3 weeks later - I only did this so close together because I had a dream holiday to L.A. booked in March. The tooth thing was horrific and that night as the numbness wore off, the pain sent me into shock and since then life turned upside down.
I was declared physically and mentally unfit to travel, I had a kind of breakdown I suppose. I thought I had suffered before with my mind but this was something else. I became almost non-existent. I would like to go on, but don't want to be seen as moaning or complaining.
Cut to where I am at now - trying to make sense of it all and learning some home truths about myself. I know I need to change the way I am in order to cope with my changed life. I have no control over the physical stuff ( exhastion, permanent head and neck aches ) or the mind stuff - it is scary. I have lost so much that ppl take for granted - my job, my counselling work, my social life, my dancing, my ability to be of use to anyone, and lastly, my dream holiday ( I've never been to USA before ).
So, before I get down in that doom and gloom, I have eternal hope and I don't get bored easily ! I love my cats, my home, my music and last, but not least ( ! ) my partner...... oh, and I love doing this as well

Thanks for listening to some of my story, and I'd like to hear how you make sense of depression, everything helps !
Look after yourselves, Poppet

fight it

but i changed a whole lot. i used to be compassionate, real nice - now im about the opposite. i feel anger at most things and people, and feel hostile to people. i can now be evil to people without feeling guilt *some days, other days I'll refuse someone making me a drink and feel profoundly guilty and worthless about it* generally get help the sooner the better...people get callous and mean

Dear Poppet -- I would have to say that I do accept my depression. And that acceptance doesn't mean that I like it or want it.

After all, Christopher Reeve accepted paralysis -- even though he didn't like and never gave up hope of a medical miracle. And he is not the only person who has had to cope with enormous challenges and loss and found the strength to go on.

I believe that strength to go on requires a foundation of acceptance. I've participated in a 12-step program for many years. It is engrained in my belief system that acceptance of one's illness is the first step toward recovery.

IMHO

Feel free to go on as long as you like and don't ever feel that you're whining. You have reason to be upset.

I realize that this disease is a part of me and no one can put me on a timetable to snap out of it. I also don't try to make sense out of being miserable all the time. Half my family has depression, so I'd probably be depressed with a million bucks.

BTW I've had chronic pain for 11 months and it's only getting worse. It is now threatening to take my volunteer work from me. I started working to keep from going nuts. I now realize I may no longer be able to keep it up.

Hi Poppet,

Troubles have a way of all coming at once. I'm sorry that it's hard for you at the moment.

I used to think a lot about the 'accept it' - 'fight it' thing. Nowadays I take a different view, maybe informed by my Buddhism. I take a neutral view of what is happening, I don't try to fight or accept, I just try to go about my daily business and do whatever I had planned to do.

When the anxiety, or depressive thoughts pop up, I just try to move through them, without being sidetracked into some thinking that I don't want or need.

Of course a really big attack could knock me down again, and I would try to move through that as well, just getting on with my business.

My daughter calls it, "doing it packhorse style."

Cheers, Myzen

Post deleted by bptoo

_Fly, thanks for words of wisdom - I have wondered about that 12 step idea before. I am trying to understand it by trying to understand life and what it's all about.
Like what are we here for ? I believe we are not worth much if we cant be of help to others, but that was some of my down fall - all I became was 'all-cared-out '.
So, my journey continues...... take care...Poppet

Hamstergirl ( love the name! ), thanks a bundle for saying ' go on as long as you like ' - its so hard sometimes to talk about my life to new ppl.
I wanted to put you all in the picture, get that out of the way and then I can get on with getting to know you all !

Not sure how your chronic pain affects you, but if you ever just want to share any feelings to me, I'll listen.........nothing can make the pain stop ( unless you have some really strong painkillers !!! ) but I have found that having a good old moaning-about-how-unfair-it-all-is session with someone once in a while can help ! It can be like having a cry, blow away the cobwebs until they build up again.

About your volunteer work - the threat of losing the thing you found to stop you from cracking up - I feel for you. Please post to let us know how that side of your life is going ( only if you want to, though )
Take care, Poppet

Hey, Myzen....thanks for your concern.
I am so interested in the fact you are a Buddhist !

I have been getting more intrigued by Buddhism over the past year or more. I have to say that I would love to develop that 'moving through' thing you mention. I get so many negative thoughts, at the moment they are all stirred up by posting on this forum !

I would like to hear more about Buddhism, but that would be another thread, I suppose.

I will try to do the 'packhorse' style cheers to you.......Poppet ( do you do yoga ?? )

Satans gd, thanks for your reply - you tell it like it is and I admire that. That depression is going to take some shifting but I be on the right track !!!!
Just one thing, it can take ppl years to get it, years to understand it, and years to beat it - but I love the
'Depression - it came - it saw- it was conquered' line, reminds me of a promo for a film - hehehe....
Ultimately, ppl supporting and caring enough to talk to each other about it, is the ammunition you need to fight it.
Isn't it strange, ultimately we are all (very depressing )alone, but then we reach out and it helps !!
Cheers, Poppet

i've accepted my depression and armed myself with meds and support like here at psych central.....don't give in to it.....put up the good fight and reclaim what's yours....your life!!! pat

Yes, Buddhist philosophy works to some extent for me. I have learned that some thoughts are just thoughts - they are transitory. Meditation has helped, yoga has helped, therapy has helped and my Lexapro and Xanax have helped. I guess my spiritual side has come out since the depression deepened last year - I had closed myself off to all of my spirituality for the past 40 years. The closest I come to any "religion" is to Buddhism. Unfortunately, the thoughts that are most transitory are the ones of joy and peace - the depression and anxiety seem to be the thoughts that are with me more or less permanently - but, until the past month or so - i had not experienced what joy was at all so I have come a long way to be even to say I had a moment of joy - a moment of peace during shavastna in yoga - a moment of beauty looking up at a blue sky and a red cardinal sitting on a red hibiscus bush at the yoga studio grounds. Thank you for the post. It made me more aware of the good things I have found.

I read a lot and enjoy Buddhist "living" I aspire to do more. One of the basic beliefs that I have accepted in the past year is that life is pain. And my own opinion, we keep on living and being because that's all we have.

So sorry poppet to hear your feeling down.

Hope you will continue to post and are feeling better soon.

Colors

Thanks, Fayerody,Maya,Wisewoman (happy birthday !) and Colors for all your thoughts, you are so kind

I get stressed out because I want to talk to you all but my energy is very low at the moment, so I hope you understand.

I have made a commitment to be here as much as I can, and I want the energy to offer lots of support to ppl who need it. At the moment so hard to do anything. Please know this, you are all making a difference to me take care.... Poppet