Tough times.

Hi all. I'm new here as this is my first official thread. I've been fighting a very severe depression for just over 4 years now. I've had periods where it's lifted but it been sheer hell for the most part. This is my 2nd severe depression. The first one mercifully ended after 6 months.

I'm so beaten down at this point. I've done all the things you're supposed to do to get well. No self-medicating, no substance abuse, been in therapy, and have been treated by two good Doctors. This illness is ruining my life. It's that simple. I keep thinking it's some horrible test I must pass, but if it is I feel I have already passed that test time and time again.

I've been strong, as only those who have felt this pain can relate too. I have been on so many different meds I've lost track of them all. I even subjected myself to ECT after being told it worked 80% of the time. I felt I had no choice but it was an awful mistake as it left me numb for some time. I'm often left wondering what is so broken in my brain that it refuses to be fixed.

I want everyone hear to know that I haven't given up. These are just the words of someone in pain. I need to vent. I grow so tired of having to tell my family and friends I'm not well. Even those that love us have a very hard time understang this illness. I have a wife and 2 young children who need me. The fight goes on. I wish everyone here all the best. Billy

Welcome to Psych Central Billy Brown.

I'm sorry you have been through all that. Depression can be such a struggle and made more difficult when feeling alone with it.

I look forward to hearing more from you, we understand.

I'm glad you found us here! As you fight this seemingly-never ending fight, please know that we are here for you....some of us are out of the fog--for now--some are out for good, some are on their way out, and some are still deeply entrenched in it. You have had such a long road, and I'm sorry that it seems nothing is working. We have a wonderful support system here, with a lot of different resources, chats to exchange ideas, various forums to post in and go back and read others posts. If you need help navigating around or anything else, the moderators and community liasons are listed on the index page at the bottom, found under the "forums" button. I look forward to hearing more from you. Know that you are not alone here.

Welcome to PC Billy. I am so glad you haven't given up. I so hope there is something or combination thereof that will help you. I know how hard it can be to have to fight this every day. Know that you are here with people that understand. I hope you find some information and support here.

BB

I thank you all for your kind words. I know this should lift again. It's just so hard not to panic when you know what's coming will be excruciating. The holidays are here and I'd like to be able to enjoy them with my family. I usually feel worse this time of year and from what I hear that's not unusual. The pressure to be happy just causes anxiety.

I'm glad I joined this site and I think when well enough I can be of assistance to others. I would like that as one thing is certain regarding depression. Those of us that have experienced it are the only ones who can possibly understand how horrifying it feels. It's beyond comprehension for all others. As bitter as it sounds I almost feel like everyone should feel like this just for one day. It sure would clear up a lot of misconceptions.

What's nice here is when someone tells you they know what you're going through. they actually do. It reminds me I'm not suffering alone. Take care everyone. Billy

welcome to psych central, billie brown!!! i'm glad you found us! having gone through what you have i just want to acknowledge your frustration and pain. i recall getting so angry everytime the depression would rear it's ugly head (again) even though i too was doing all the things suggested to me to have a life. i felt as though i wasn't directing my destiny but the depression was! talking about it does help, so glad you posted to let us know what's going on with you right now.
there is good news (too!!) however...do you realize how resilient and strong you are to keep at this to get it done right??? i had to do the same and it paid off bigtime. just keep doing the good stuff you mentioned and post as needed because we care about you. ..and goodness knows we do understand how you are feeling.

Hey Billy,

I'm so sorry that you are going through this... Have you tried Fish Oil to help you with the depression. I just started using Nordic Naturals and it seems to help somewhat with the anxiety.... I started out with 1 T....then upped it to 2 this week... If you don't like that try salmon or other fatty fish for the Omega 3 at least 3 times a week to see if you will feel better...

By the way, I'm worse in the winter too...

Best Wishes to you...

TJ

Hello Billy, it's nice to meet you. Welcome to psychcentral.
I too seem to struggle with this time of the year, I have found some coping skills that make it somewhat easier but it's still an up hill battle. For me getting my shopping done early seems to really help some with my depression and my anxiety. I hope that you continue to post, when we lean on each other it's not so hard to stand.

That's wild that you mention that. After doing research and at the recommendation of my Doctor I started with Omega-3 about a year ago. I was actually using Nordic Naturals, 4 grams a day. It's pricey but very high quality. For mental health issues a high dose is a must. I've had to switch to best-vite as money is tight. Omega hasn't made a big impact for me, but I still believe in it and continue to take it. It has many health benefits. Glad it's helped you. Be well. Billy

Hey Billy, it has helped my focus and my anxiety somewhat....the depression is still there, however! I'm taking it for other health reasons too!

Hope you're feeling better today!

TJ