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#1
Feb 01, 2009, 08:58 AM
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May trigger????
I can't do it!!!!!!!! I don't know what I'm meant to do, I just cannot live in this house... I'm gonna do something stupid, wether it's to him or myself!!! I'm just so tempted  Me.... I need to get out of this house, somehow... I have no money, no income (apart from my benefit that I'm getting for being such a stupid mess and that I feel bad enough for getting it in the first place) Doc.... Doesn't want me to try and move out because she doesn't believe I will cope because I need some sort of stability. I don't think I'll cope! But, I've got a better chance of getting better than I have here. Nicki (employment coach)... we both agree I'm not even ready for work yet! I don't know what I'm supposed to do!!  and I'm sorry to all of you, so sorry for rattling on about this...  I need a miraclemy new home --->  Wish me luck... I'm about to confront the monster  
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Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter |
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#2
Feb 01, 2009, 09:19 AM
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Breathe honey, breathe. I know it is bad there but just running to get out with no real plan can land you someplace worse.
I know pain better than i will ever tell you and i know how it makes you want to jump just in case it might be better off that cliff. But it is not true. Unless you are in physical danger of dying or being badly physically abused or sexually abused try to stay put. It's a damn dangerous life out there on the streets and that box might be the best place you could end up and there's lots worse out there including a pine box planted in potters' field. I'm not trying to be a *****. I am scared for you making a knee-jerk reaction to the constant pain of home. There are people out there that may make your homelife look bad not unbearable like you feel it is now. Do not be impulsive please - for you very own sake do not do it. I care, others on here care about you. Talk to us and cuss and fuss and pour out your heart but stay safe for heaven's sake. Leslie the mama pixie
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  HEALING HAPPENS
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 silver_moon
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#3
Feb 01, 2009, 10:44 AM
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Molly, remember that your actions should be thought through before you act on them. Maybe instead of running out, you can come to an agreement, through your mother if you have to, that you are a tenant there and you have personal space and personal respect. Just running with no real plan is a bad plan. Get out--but only if you have something planned, somewhere to go, someone to share a room with and a plan for the future.
Make sure you breathe and relax and think when confronting him. Let the emotional side of you take a back seat to the intelligent part of you and show him you are mature and not some little kid he can kick around.
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____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut 
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| multipixie9, silver_moon
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#4
Feb 01, 2009, 04:48 PM
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hi (((((((moll))))))), can you call your pdoc? two heads are better than one. perhaps he/she can help you at this difficult time. and keep in touch with us here too. rant all you need to. i'll be happy to listen.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
| silver_moon
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#5
Feb 01, 2009, 05:36 PM
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Quote:
You are getting cardboard.....I don't think I'll get more than a hole a cardboard box is to high up. Sorry for the lousey attempt at humor. I know you are feeling you are going to loosse it and not sure who will survive. I hate to be (sorry can't remember the word I wanted) but the best move maybe to go to your nearest emergency room and let them know you may be a danger to yourself or another. It may sound a little stupid but usually have either staff or connections to get you the help you need and are usually trained in the area of mental health. 
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 kebs
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| silver_moon
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#6
Feb 01, 2009, 06:46 PM
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first thing to do is contact your mental health provider if yiou don have one do a self referal over the phone you can do this for your self, then contact social services ask to talk to someone, next try citizens advice there is places out there that you might fit into so you are not on your own but you are away from the monster you refer to, if you are on benifits they will pay your rent, contact your local housing ppl fill out aplication for housing,
there is ways to do this, do you get dla for not working as if you are not fit for work you can claim dla i know these thibngs as i have dealt with a lot of these things ((((((((((silver moon)))))))))))))) good luck
__________________
 No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind action leads to another. Good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves.
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| silver_moon
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#7
Feb 01, 2009, 07:01 PM
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Quote:
I'm going to pray for you and for the person who is making you feel so bad because if you do something harmful to that person, it might effect you negatively. I don't want that to happen to you. Don't do anything that will cause you grief because you may be putting yourself in harm's way. You deserve better. I understand your message. I don't want to leave where you are because living outside in the streets is dangerous. When you get time read my post "I'M CRYING AND TRYING TO HIDE IT". REMEMBER "God Answers Prayers." I'M GOING TO PRAY FOR US -- YOU AND ME.
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brephi |
| silver_moon
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#8
Feb 01, 2009, 10:12 PM
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home can feel so stifling. I'm sorry you feel trapped - I feel trapped by my sistuation too... but cardboard box no good for home - it's fun to jump in and out of (erm yes I've done that before, with my kitty)... but *hugs*
try to make the best of things sorry... that didnt help much but , regardless sendingloads of hugs
__________________
 Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
| silver_moon
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#9
Feb 02, 2009, 03:57 AM
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((((((((((((((molly))))))))))
i dont have kind words to say.....just want you to know i care alot about u and will be sad if something bad happen to you..sending you a gentle hugs
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As long as people aren't asking me if i'm all right, i am alright. |
| silver_moon
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#10
Feb 03, 2009, 06:08 AM
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Thank you
At least I can say I have a roof over my head? I haven't said anything to my dad. I haven't said anything to anybody... my mate (that's going to New Zealand) might be coming round to look for a flat though. I don't know, I haven't a clue what to do. When I get my T maybe it's something I can talk through with her. Thank you Katheryn for the advice... I'll look into those things. thank you all for your advice. I won't go rushing into things, it's just SO hard not to sometimes, but I know I'll regret it if I do. I just get into such a mess  I feel bad too, for constantly whining about the situation on here. There's nothing I can do, there's nothing any of you can do. ***sigh***right now I'm incredibly depressed and lonely... wish I could do more about it
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Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter Last edited by silver_moon; Feb 03, 2009 at 06:55 AM. |
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#11
Feb 03, 2009, 07:02 AM
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 (((((((((((((molly)))))))))))
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As long as people aren't asking me if i'm all right, i am alright. |
| silver_moon
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#12
Feb 03, 2009, 02:51 PM
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Quote:
I'm sorry you're feeling bad... I hate how so many of us do but, just wanted to say I'm proud  sending hugs... hope digital ones will warm you up a little bit at least maybe... kitty come in box with you? this is mine back home... she likes boxes 
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Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
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#13
Feb 04, 2009, 07:41 AM
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Quote:
 that's lovelyyour cats lovely... he can come if he promises to share with Paddy and Izzy (my rabbits-they like boxes too)
__________________
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter |
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#14
Feb 04, 2009, 12:08 PM
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I luv bunnies! And I'm sure my cat would LOVE to meet one, she's always so lonely and loves company, and would never hurt a fly (unless it was by accident
 )
__________________
Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
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#15
Feb 04, 2009, 05:11 PM
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If I put my fingers in my ears, close my eyes and curl up in a corner will it all stop? Will they stop? No! So hurt right now... I have sh urges, I just... On my own
__________________
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter |
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#16
Feb 04, 2009, 05:18 PM
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I'm really tempted to not go to the school tomorrow, for many reasons, haven't been in a while... just going backwards.. I know I'm just gonna make myself worse, but I can't go
__________________
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter |
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#17
Feb 04, 2009, 05:19 PM
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We are here with you sending lots of hugs ((((((((((( Molly )))))))))))
Please share with you GP and mental health workers what you are going through and what your life is like at home. Write it out for your GP if you find it difficult to talk about. We care about you, be safe.
__________________
 Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
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#18
Feb 04, 2009, 05:25 PM
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I've only 'just' started being able to write about things. It's still difficult but a bit easier than talking. I'd just be scared of giving her it. I'd have to see her again and it would scare me knowing she read it... does that sound stupid?
__________________
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter |
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#19
Feb 04, 2009, 05:28 PM
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What would scare you about it? Knowing she read it but what about that scares you?
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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#20
Feb 04, 2009, 05:32 PM
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I'd be scared about giving her it in the first place. I wouldn't know what to tell her when giving it to her or anything either.
Scared of her reading it and then me having to see her... I don't know, 'cause she'd know personal stuff about me. Scared of what she'd think and ask or say.
__________________
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter |
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#21
Feb 04, 2009, 05:36 PM
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(((((( Molly )))))))
It's good that you have started to write things down, really good. Your GP will understand that you find it difficult to talk about, she won't judge you. She wants to help you. I think you can trust a GP.
__________________
Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
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#22
Feb 04, 2009, 05:53 PM
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I'll try...
I'll try and write it out first, first step
__________________
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter |
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#23
Feb 04, 2009, 06:24 PM
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Look, you're on your way....after all, no journey begins without a first step!!
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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#24
Feb 04, 2009, 06:31 PM
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I know... still so nervous about going to school tomorrow
don't know if I'll make it(((((((((marci))))))))))) ((((((((((peg)))))))))))
__________________
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter |
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#25
Feb 04, 2009, 07:07 PM
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(gonna be mean for a minute so avert your eyes if you need gentle right now.)
You said you don't know if you are going to make it--is your car broke, bike not working, tennis shoes worn out? Expecting a blizzard? Giant pre-historic t-rex making it's way to your house? Ok, I'm done being mean. See what I'm getting at? You CAN make it tomorrow, you just may not feel you WANT to. I go back to your interview...The one where you hyperventilated and cried all the way there. You opened that door. You did it. Going to school is a great way to make connections, the more connections you have the less alone you will be, the less alone you are the better you will start to feel. The more connections you have, also, the better opportunities you will have for networking on information about making a plan to get out of your house. Still following me? It was very hard for me to be mean because I know you are in a tender place right now. I just wanted to show you that that what is holding you back is your depression/anxiety/sadness/anger. If you can take that first step--open that door--things have the possibility of changing.
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____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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