No biggy

i've been thinking about this a lot and i'm just gonna write it so maybe i stop thinking about it a lot. It doesn't seem logical but every day i log on here i have this thought.

i feel like a thread killer. It seems like a lot of times when i post the thread dies. i feel kinda like i must be repulsive or annoying or something bad to have this effect. It feels weird. i don't do well with weird.

Oh well.

(((MeSo)))

((((((( MeSo )))))))

No you are not repulsive or annoying or anything like that. I have looked through the threads and there isn't actually that many that you are at the end of. So, no you are not a thread killer. I don't believe anyone in this forum is a thread killer. I think everyone in this forum are all great and supportive. You also!

No way, MeSo . The threads of yours are thoughtful and supportive. There is nothing repulsive about you or what you write.
I think everyone is in their own place here, and some can respond..others can't. I don't think it has anything to do with you at all. (((MeSo)))

Calista an pegasus r right...u r not repulsive or ne thing else...u say some very good things ta ppl...its not u...dont start gettin freaked out cuz ppl have their own way of processin stuff...some say thank u an some dont...it aint about u hon...

abbi

(((((MeSo)))))

You know, I have had some feelings kind of like that myself. Mine is more me thinking that people on PC really can't stand me and that they are just being nice to me because they feel they should, and not because they want to.

Logically...I think we are both falling back into the hole of old and dirty lies we've been programmed to tell ourselves.

Emotionally...It can feel very weird, and sometimes I don't know what to believe and I almost get my feelings hurt by something that isn't really rational thinking.

I don't see you as a "thread killer". As a matter of fact, I look forward to reading your posts and threads and appreciate your support that you give to everyone.

I wasn't wanting to make this post about me, rather just wanting you to know that these feelings exist for others out there as well. We are all vulnerable here, and we all let people in a little more here than maybe we would do IRL, so I think it's natural for these old messages to get triggered and replay themselves from time to time.

Take care, and talk with ya later!!

I don't think you're repulsive...

being the last person posting on a thread can mean anything... including that the thing you said made alot of sense and no one had more to ad =D I don't think you're a thread killer

MeSo,

I have felt the same many times. Elysium put it perfectly! Our impressions are old and dirty lies we have told ourselves throughout life. Strong emotions often aren't logical or valid ~ they are simply how we feel. And it is tough to change lifelong habits of putting ourselves down. You aren't a thread killer.

I think that your post is very good, as you spoke up about fears that many of us share from time to time. Speaking about that fear occasionally can remind us not to assume the worst about ourselves. Thank you!


Shez

Thank you EVERYONE. i feel pretty silly now but i really did keep thinking that. Sometimes i keep such things to myself and sometimes they just keep pushing til i say it. Thank you for listening and for caring and for helping. i don't handle compliments very well but thank you for them all the same.

Group hug:

Right after i wrote that, i went into the family room and ooooops i blowed up the eggs. i forgot i put eggs on to boil and came in here to the bunny's room and played computer yahtzee with my ipod on and i blowed up the eggs. They exploded and my house has stinky egg smoke in it. i forget too much...should never have left the kitchen and what if daughter needed something. What if worse thing happened? No more ipod when only responsible adult in the house! i forget too much! SORRY!

i'm going out to dinner. i exploded the eggs! There's pieces on the wall. It's funny and scary at the same time. i feel really guilty bad (cuz that's not being a good mom and i have to be perfect at that, yes i do!) and want to giggle laugh too (cuz they exploded messy smoky icky funny).

stinky eggs

" />

Yuo ar a good egg!!

hehe, ty Calista

please note trigger warning this post re: r.a.


oh, i wasn't expecting thank yous or acknowledgement even (though i admit sometimes when there's no response i feel bad, especially when sharing writing in creative section...i don't do that anymore...i mostly am uncomfortable when people say nice things). No, it's just that it seemed like in more than a few threads i was the last one. If more people said something to the person that posted (not me) i wouldn't think of being a thread killer but that's not to say it's ok that nobody did. i know people are in different spaces cuz sometimes i feel really badly when i can't reach out to support others sometimes so i know sometimes it's just more than we can do. The reaching out is for the original poster though and that's what weirds me out when that stops as soon as i post.

Actually, i can very briefly say this thought has to do with magical thinking and special powers and forces and stuff that comes with r.a. that i don't say much cuz people just would think i'm crazy. People have such a hard time believing. i have thoughts both ways about those things...that some exist and that some are tricks. My past, i was tricked a lot twisting good/bad right/wrong truth/lies.. Anyway, that's too far. But because of that tricked magical thinking self, i wondered if i had that impact...killer of threads...ick. Don't want any dark things. Anyway, i'm going too far again. SORRY Just wanted to clarify it wasn't about me not getting more.

everyone i've met/known with d.i.d. has had struggles with the thoughts in their minds. i've been thinking no one likes me anymore because i had to back off writing when i began to spend 18 hours or more a day on my computer and it got too weird. we all have lies that try to trick us into thinking they are truth.

the bad people who hurt littles with r.a. do super-sicko things to the children's minds and it is EVIL. if we all felt free to actually write the uncomfortable, painful thoughts we have we would find that many of them are very similar or even exactly the same. those people did all they could to get me to hate myself enough to destroy my only life. they failed. all of them failed because we are all still here and we are doing what we can to live, heal, grow, change and maybe have some fun!

truth is even people who have no "disorder" or specific problem struggle with false thoughts and some insecurities. it is just what happens to humans. try to be kind to yourself and stand up to the lies you hear inside of your own mind. i will try and do the same. hugs if you want them,

leslie and pixies

Meso--you have been really supportive to us. I have similar thots about thread stopping etc. I had a friend who is ra---i understand the thinking and the confusion. i am not ra but have many similar thots. very very frustrating and scary for sure.

as far as the exploding egss----
i'm thinking that after i had a good meltdown, i would have laughed myself
silly, taken pictures to prove my story--would be thinking no one would belive i did this ---and invest in LOTS of post-it note pads. For real, I have post-it notes everywhere!!!! And I have burned or ruined many suppers because i didn't remember something was started in the kitchen .
Would make a great word picture.

Thank you for everything and i understand your thoughts too but i think everyone likes you just the same and just fine. i like you too. As for being able to share thoughts...i wish we could. i wish the bad people didn't put blocks in our heads with all their twisting e*** cuz then we wouldn't feel like such freaks. We'd know what we experience is real. But it's so so hard. Anyway, i really just wanted to say thank you for your support cuz i know what i wrote was triggery. Take gentle care of you and yours.

Thank you so so much!! lol re: the eggs. i SHOULD have taken pictures but i didn't. Oh well. As for the post-it notes...there's a thought. i recently forgot a friend...forgot she even existed! One time i forgot how my car worked too! i bet that would be a funny post it: insert key here...

(((MeSo))) Did you ever get in your car to find it didn't fit you? I have that happen. The car s either far too big or the seat is way up against the steering wheel.
Exploding eggs...cars that change size...how would we live without all this fun?

Nuh-uh. But sometimes i'm surprised by what i look like. Lots of times actually. Fun, yeah

OMG....Calista, I have had this happen and didn't connect it until just now!! I have had to readjust my mirrors from time to time because sometimes I feel like I'm sitting up higher and sometimes I feel like I must have shrunk!! No one else drives my car but me....I always thought I just had really good posture on some days even though I knew that wasn't it.

Wow!!

MeSo....No worries about the exploding eggs okay!! I've done things like this too. Put something on the stove and gotten involved in something else and all of the sudden I hear lots of splushing from the kitchen and go out there like "what the hell is that" and my dinner is boiling over on the stove.

It's all good!!

P.S. .......Sploosh!!......EGG FIGHT!!!!!

((((((((((((((((( MeSo ))))))))))))))))))

Yikes! a mess to clean up! But you are not the only one to do something like that! I know someone who did the exact same thing - turned the eggs on and went to bed! So I'm sorry that you now have a mess to clean up, but I bet most of us of similar stories. I'm great at burning vegetables, but I NEVER burn cake LOLWelcome to the human race!

hehehe Thanks Miri. Guess what? Last night i was standing by the stove and i saw something and lifted the electric burner and there was this shiny silver "rock" in the burner liner. i (s)melted the pan!

(((MeSo)))

Meso,

It's been a good thread here. It's been a couple of weeks of sorting out stuff. Sorry we weren't able to add anything till now.

We appreciate you so much.

Hunny
TheHive