[multipixie9]

Went to see my T yesterday. As we talked I realized that my spouse was not able to control me with his attempted manipulation. It was a first for us. We did not cry or feel like crying and we did not feel panic like we used to. It felt soo good to realize that he doesn't have any power over me anymore. I also know that I don't have to "give" him any power either.

I am worth just as much as him and God loves me no matter what anyone else may think of me.

My T and I are going to work even more intensely to help me find the freedom and healing I've been working toward for so long. I am very grateful for her help and patience. She had not done a client with SRA issues before and said that she has learned along with me through these years we've been working together. She is one of my few heroes in life.

[kris9999]

I am happy for you that you have what sounds like such a great T. It is wonderful that you have gained and seen your power. Most people can not do this and you are very strong for being able to!

[Eriksplus]

We're glad you have good news!
(Dance)Erik

[multipixie9]

Thanks for the support and encouragement.

Sadly, I spoke too soon. My spouse came home, ate supper, watched an hour of tv and then did the whole miserable intimidation, scolding, guilting routine again. He listed the ways he has been hurt and offended by us. he never listenend to us at all. He kept pulling everything I said - after I sat in silence for over an hour.

He told us he plans to keep this up and it makes me feel sick inside. I feel bullied. he acts too "holier than thou". It's making me feel so distressed. my mom used to use the "deep freeze" treatment when she was angry with me also.

What makes me Soooo mad is that he is demanding I do it his way to prove I love him and yet he has acted with NO love for me/us insiders.

I don't know what to do, I feel afraid.

leslie/littles(we hates pil. he vere bad man. no luv bad man. he hate me cos he say i not reel. bad bad pil. grr. wish i cud bit him very hard. i kno i not spose to hate nobudy, but wat u do wen day is sooo meen and dont bleev u exists?????????)

[Fox]

aww pixie I'm so sorry that he's being such an insensitive manipulative jerk. Keep on hanging in there hon. There's nothing that you can't accomplish over time. Remember the things that your T is helping you with. You don't deserve ill treatment. You deserve better and someday you'll be able to be strong enough to stand up for yourself. I know it's scary because that's something I struggle with too. {sends tons of safe hugs} We're all here for you. Just remember that people don't become mean over night so we don't become strong overnight either but as long as you never give up you'll rise above the mistreatment. Now for me to learn to take my own advice lolz some things are much easier said than done. <333333

[notz]

Phil, da rat fink.

[multipixie9]

Hi Fox,

Nice to meet you, thanks for the kind words. I believe you are right that someday we will be able to own our own life and own power and will not have them stolen by someone acting bad towards us.

You go Notz, he is behaving like a Rt fink. I would love it if I had enough true strength and cash to separate legally from him. He is being pretty awful and after 3 upsetting sessions with Him we are all tired of him and tired of the drama. He needs to grow a heart of flesh where the heart of stone is now. sigh...

(((Pixies)))
You DO have the strength you just need to not hear his berating for a while to build yourself up. You had a taste of that good feeling and you will get it back again. In the meantime, keep your head up high; you are just as good as anyone on this Earth. Never let him or anyone tell you differently.

[wanttoheal]

Originally Posted by multipixie9

I would love it if I had enough true strength and cash to separate legally from him.

(((((((((((((((((((Multipixies))))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry you are struggling with this. I can see you getting stronger and stronger. When it's time, you will break free and do what is needed to be done.

Throughout my life, I often found myself in abusive situations because I guess my brain didn't know anything different, didn't feel I deserved anything better or just didn't have the strength to fight. I have had situations where I don't even know how I got out of situations; I just kind of "landed" in a different life. So there must be some part of my brain that has the strength needed. I believe inside, you do as well.

It's so hard when it's someone you care about (or at least used to) that is doing the abusing. Or you feel you can't, or don't have the means to, change it.

I know money is an issue and I'm not negating that it's needed, however, there may be ways to get the help you need without waiting. Have you considered a safe house? I know Phil isn't hitting at this time (at least I hope not), but he is being verbally abusive. A safe house would give you a safe place to go and they have the resources for you to start over.

Perhaps you could call the safe house and briefly explain what is going on and see if they have any resources to help you? In my experience, you do have to give them a name when you call, but you don't have to give them your real name.

If not that, can you talk to your T about other avenues to pursue to get out of the situation?

I wish you the best multipixies. Please keep yourself safe.

[Luce]

hey Pixie peeps, you gals hang in there. Remember that feeling you had when you were with T, that *empowered* feeling of being true to yourselves and knowing his manipulation for what it is? That feeling will come back again. All that stuff you wrote about him not having power over you and you having as much worth as anyone else is true and real.

I wonder if he is feeling kinda scared right now... because you moved into the other room. And maybe in his fear he is upping the bullying antics, in an effort to 'control' you again. Kinda like - he wants you to be the wife he wants and he's afraid that is slipping away from him, so he is trying to subdue you / bully you / frighten you / force you back into submission.

Another thing I am guessing from reading your posts over time is that you are really sick and tired of being bullied, frightened and subdued. In your life you have experienced so very much of all of that and more and your anger about all of that comes through in your posts. I think... anger can be an empowering thing. Anger can give us the courage to finally stand up and say "Enough! This is NOT okay!" Because it isn't. Bullying and intimidation is never okay. Not when it is directed at a child, and not when it is directed at a wife, or your children's mother.

I think I'm kinda rambling. I guess my main point is - don't think the empowerment you felt before has completely deserted you. It's in there somewhere, even when you least feel it. Keep working on it with your T. I really believe you will start feeling it more and more.

hey ps. My stupid father used to have BIG tantrums when we didn't do what we was supposed to. they made us REALLY scared for a long time and so for a long time we didn't do anything bad that would make him have a tantrum. But then we figured out he did it because he was scared when we didn't do what we was supposed to because he thought he was losing control of us.When we figured that out we wasnt' scared of him anymore! Maybe you won't be scared of that phil person too. I think its okay for you to be who you are even if that scares that phil!

[multipixie9]

Forgive me if I just reply to all in one post - I appreciate you all individually!

Thanks for reminding me that it won't be like this forever and that in time I will learn how to command the respect that is part of a marriage. I woke early for the first time since I changed bedrooms and he was up sitting in his chair. So, I know that things are churning around inside of him too. In spite of his bad behavior lately I feel sorry for him. He has become caught in a trap of perfectionism and workaholism. I am ruining his "reputation" by being such a screw-up - his opinion not mine. I am fully aware of how difficult marriage to me has been, so many disapointments and deprivation of a close intimate relationship. He has suffered here too. BUT, that doesn't excuse his bad behavior or attempts to manipulate selfishly. So, I'm gonna pray for him and do my best to stand tough when he pulls his next tantrum.

You ALL have shared from your hearts, thanks so much!!!!!!!!!

(((Pixies)))

You are a very brave and forgiving person. We admire you.