[BlueMoon6]

I am not sure which board to post this on but I think it fits here. I am seeing a new t and I am going to talk to her on monday about what my fears are doing trauma work. I have a lot of questions for her. But while I was reading some responses on another board about questions I can ask her I realized something really big that keeps me from going deeper. I havent ever put it into words, but I want to typw it out here.

I know when we go into the deeper feelings and trauma work that my t is talking about I will dissoc. I will go pretty quickly and it is very hard for me to stay present. So, when/if I do I am afraid of what I might say or do, or that I might be silent and I might not remember what happened. I want her to tell me everything I said or did. I am afraid I will say/do something really stupid. I dont know this t so well. My last t wasnt that nice about things I didnt remember in session. I tried to cover it up and say I did this or that for this or that reason when the truth is, I didnt recall what happened. Even if it was only a brief thing. I want this new t to tell me everything. I want to know what she will do and if I seem different to her. I am really scared that this will happen. I know at some point it will no matter how I try to pull myself to stay present. I hope this makes some sense.

[reg12]

Hi BlueMoon,
This board is just fine. If your T understands and works with dissociation then she will be just fine if it takes place. She will know how to handle it. Do not worry about what you say or do not say. The T should also knows about the amnesia that accompanies these issues and how to obtain the information. It sounds like your last T did not have the skills necessary to assist you with your needs. I have found Ts are like auto mechanics. They can all work on your car, but not all of them can tune the engine correctly.

Your post made perfect sense. Just try to relax. I am sure your new T wants to help the real you, not someone that is trying act a certain way. You will do just fine. Take care and let us know how it goes.

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

I am not sure which board to post this on but I think it fits here. I am seeing a new t and I am going to talk to her on monday about what my fears are doing trauma work. I have a lot of questions for her. But while I was reading some responses on another board about questions I can ask her I realized something really big that keeps me from going deeper. I havent ever put it into words, but I want to typw it out here.

I know when we go into the deeper feelings and trauma work that my t is talking about I will dissoc. I will go pretty quickly and it is very hard for me to stay present. So, when/if I do I am afraid of what I might say or do, or that I might be silent and I might not remember what happened. I want her to tell me everything I said or did. I am afraid I will say/do something really stupid. I dont know this t so well. My last t wasnt that nice about things I didnt remember in session. I tried to cover it up and say I did this or that for this or that reason when the truth is, I didnt recall what happened. Even if it was only a brief thing. I want this new t to tell me everything. I want to know what she will do and if I seem different to her. I am really scared that this will happen. I know at some point it will no matter how I try to pull myself to stay present. I hope this makes some sense.

[phoenix7]

(((((((((((bluemoon)))))))))))))))))

just lay it on the line for your T - im sure it wont be a prob if your T knows about dissassociaton - they will know how it is scary not to know what happened - take care P7

[BlueMoon6]

Thanks Reg and P7- It so helps to hear soothing words when I am freaking out about this stuff.

Ftt knows about dissoc. She has been explaining a lot about it to me. I am going to go in tomorrow and explain to her what I am afraid will happen and then now knowing what I said. And then being embarrassed. She is good, and I trust her so far.

I wrote a lot of things in a journal so I can remember what I want to say.

Deep breath.....

[reg12]

You will do just fine. You are as ready as you can be for this. Keep us posted.

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

Thanks Reg and P7- It so helps to hear soothing words when I am freaking out about this stuff.

Ftt knows about dissoc. She has been explaining a lot about it to me. I am going to go in tomorrow and explain to her what I am afraid will happen and then now knowing what I said. And then being embarrassed. She is good, and I trust her so far.

I wrote a lot of things in a journal so I can remember what I want to say.

Deep breath.....

[BlueMoon6]

Originally Posted by reg12

You will do just fine. You are as ready as you can be for this. Keep us posted.

Thanks
I will. I apprecitate all of your help to me.....

[DLHsSystm]

What a great idea to have your journal. Don't forget to breath tomorrow I always do ( forget to breath). Bet you will do great! We will be thinking of you. Good luck.

[phoenix7]

writing it down helps me too - great idea - let us know how you go ok

good luck

[BlueMoon6]

Thanks DLH and P7. I will post and let you know. I have so much to say. My t doesnt have time now for twice/wk. I so wish I could go more often. The week seems so long and so much happens in 1 week.

Thanks for the hugs

[WePow]

Trauma work is rough.... so go easy on yourself. I understand about wishing T would be able to see me 2x/wk Man do I feel like I need it. Thankfully he is allowing me to email him. He does not usually write back. But when it gets bad with things, he does write back. So that helps. I even offered to pay him for his time with email but he brushed that off.

Keeping a journal is also excellent idea. In fact, I have three of them. One for pictures only to help memory / flashback recordings for T. The other is a normal T journal where I record all sorts of stuff that happen. Then I have another that belongs to my angy alter who holds most of the deepest pain.

Safe hugs to you!!!!

[BlueMoon6]

Thanks everyone for all of your care for me. I had a heavy session with t. I posted on the psychotherapy board so I wont repeat here, but I did talk to her about my fear of dissoc in the session. She told me she would tell me what happened and what I did. So, we were talking about some things from childhood and i had a brief moment of dissoc and then I was a little confused. She told me I stopped talking and was silent and pulled my sweater (the turtleneck part) over my face. And then I was looking at her. I knew I was talking beforehand, I just didnt remember about what.

I wanted to write things down in my journal today, but I so dont feel like it. I want to pull the covers over my head and sleep all day tomorrow, but of course I cant.

[WePow]

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

Thanks everyone for all of your care for me. I had a heavy session with t. I posted on the psychotherapy board so I wont repeat here, but I did talk to her about my fear of dissoc in the session. She told me she would tell me what happened and what I did. So, we were talking about some things from childhood and i had a brief moment of dissoc and then I was a little confused. She told me I stopped talking and was silent and pulled my sweater (the turtleneck part) over my face. And then I was looking at her. I knew I was talking beforehand, I just didnt remember about what.

I wanted to write things down in my journal today, but I so dont feel like it. I want to pull the covers over my head and sleep all day tomorrow, but of course I cant.

Bless your heart! We did that yesterday at work when we left... Little One was trying to walk out with our coat over our head. Poor kid.

[phoenix7]

I am so happy for you.......you were so brave to talk to your T about wanting to know what happened - well done you!!!!

take care P7

[multipixie9]

jus a thot. u shudn nevr hav to worree abowt wat u all say an do wen u go see T. she/he spos to be hepful no mattr wat u do or say. if a T is meen or don care u shud run awa an not go bak cos dat peepl is rong for u. byby

kiki of pixees

[BlueMoon6]

Hi Kiki. Thank you for writing that to me and telling me that. I shouldnt worry about it, but I do sometimes. I dont know t that well and maybe I am testing her to see if I feel safe enough. I was a little bit scared that there was a moment I didnt remember and I didnt know if I said anything or not. But t seemed to understand me, so that was good.

I still hope next session I wont miss anything.

Thanks for your reply to me