Daddy?

Ok fellow DIDers... therapy question.
My Little One who is 8yrs old - female - the gentle and innocent and happy part of me (well, usually happy - always tries to maintain a bright outlook) today told me that she picked our T as her "new" daddy.

This has come about after a memory recall in trauma work that solidified some of the "sad" feelings that little one has had for years. Things done that should not have been done. And so Little One decided that the "bad daddy" was no longer "her" daddy and she has determined that she wants T to be her "new daddy" ....

Little One wrote something in the journal about it saying "I wish Dolphin ( that is what she calls T :-) ) was my daddy because he is nice." T read this and smiled. He has very excellent communication with Little One and it really helps our whole system to feel "bonded" and "safe" with T in a very healthy way.

Today Little One decided she wanted to make T a card saying "Thank you for being my daddy" ... It is cutsie in a kid way. But it was very honest from her (that part of me) . I want her to give it to T in our next session. But I was not sure how he would take it.

I have a very deep internal fear of rejection.... That fear is largely managed / handled by my angry teen alter Mick. She does NOT see T as a father figure at all - or anyone for that matter. She still doesn't accept she is me. Which is another topic. But that fear is there.

I think T will be kind as he always is and accept the symbolism Little One is using along our path of healing. But I wanted to know if anyone else has had a similar experience along this line and what they did or how T responded?

Thank you bunchies!!

I have not had a similar experience, but you have been so kind to me that I wanted you to know I did read your post and I'll give my totally uneducated opinion: I think if your T has accepted things referring to him as Daddy in the past that the card would be totally acceptable. In fact, I cannot imagine that it would be wrong in any way. Clearly he is filling a role that you (or your little) needs to have filled right now and he's alright doing that. Good luck to you. And again thank you for your support of me.

It sounds like your T has shown what a real father figure is about. If he does not mid the title go for it. We have a man that our Delmations call Papa and he has only shown love and kindness to them. we hope that things work out for all of you in the wpowers clan.

*warning for the eight yr old only purple words for her.*

Wpowers,

I first want to say to Mick form hsiW and

Little One ...what a good idea, making a lovely card for T. The other parts give a card or gift, so you can too

We smiled and chuckled throughout your post and felt warm hearted...what a lovely relationship between the child and T. We did experience a similar warmth (not to brag) but to say there was a definate 'daddy thinking' but in a new way of seeing. Our therapist has the nicest, friendly warm, squinty-eyes and gentle smile for her and the other children. She is 3 and really well-adjusted (t says). It too is a very safe and healthy relationship between the two, in a profound kind of way and we have many journal jottings and memories of times in therapy together.

Later, the clarity came for more of the alters, including Wish. First, she didn't know who the heck he was, friend, foe, boyfriend (yuck, she says), parent's friend or what!?! Lately though, she perceived him quietly to her other therapist as like a Dad, "but don't tell him", she said. (Wish here: I am warming to him as a father but what the ? Not sure what for...!?! ....and the kids...they are allright )

No matter what alter brought something to our therapists they received graciously thankfully as we are not fond of rejection either.

Thank you all for the WONDERFUL replies!!!

Mick loves the way Wish said hsiW because Mick does mirror writting all the time! And Mick says now to "hsiW --- emosewA ! " LOL Mick said that aloud to T the other day and he went "What?" and started laughing - she pronounces it like it looks . Something else we did at 15. T loved it! :-)

We will let you know how it goes for Little One. She is all excited now.

Hi wp. This is very normal for the Little One and is acceptable as long as the T is ok with it. She looks for the love and acceptance that she needed but could never find.

Mick will be like that until she realizes that not everyone i trying to hurt you or the others. She just has to base her decisions on the past, which was not pleasent. Try not to push the identity issue or it will keep a wall between you two. She is not you and you are not her. She like you needs to be recognized and respected as a seperate individual. I usually explain it as each of you is your own seperate part sharing a common body. All of the parts make up the whole person. I hope this helps. Take care.

My Sky has a couple of ladies online that we have none for years that she calls, Mom, Momi, Momie, and Nana. So its over a couple I am glad to know that it wasn't just me that had littles calling other people mommy and daddy. I think it would be fine for your little one to give him the card since he was happy about the fact before. I am so happy for you and mick and the little one making such great progress with your T. ~safe hugs~ Keep it up.

h wpowers.....i don't have any experience in that area but i just wanted you to know that it warmed my heart to read your first post too. its easy to see you have a very good relationship with your t. which i have with my two ts but you are moving forward trusting this relationship and that is what warmed my heart so much....thankyou wpowers.......................kasva

Hi wpowers

We had that experience and it went very well for all involved. One little one, baby, made a card for T. Actually all of the younger ones & teens made the card. All wrote their own message. T loved it and said it was the sweetest, kindest gift he ever recieved. One teen, Raven, liked the fact that she could be artsy and creative.She loved the attention too. She can be very protective and prickly so this was a nice change.
Good luck with this. I/we think your T would respond with kindness.

Thank you all for the input. It is odd but I suppose expected that Mick (angry teen alter) is NOT happy that Little One made the card. We still have yet to go to session and allow Little One to "present" it. I told her she needed to do it herself - which should not be a problem for her. But Mick is causing internal havock with the whole idea.

I really wanted to set up some time with T just for Mick to interact with T because that is the part causing the most problems. I was going to do it this Thursday for session but it may snow from the way the forcast looks. Well it was odd because I did write T and say if he had anything for Tuesday so we could be SURE to get Mick taken care of with setting up whatever I need to set up. It even will mean me going over insurance stuff for 2010 and having to pay whatever over which is not cheap as we all know. But I am willing to do it if that is what it takes. Trying hard to get Mick to see I care! Anyway, just because T did not answer email about it today (( as if he had the chance with as busy as he stays!!!) well now Mick doesn't want to go at all - she just said to tell Wish "EVER - and she will know what I mean!"

Anyway, Mick wants to tear up the card Little One made and I had to stop her from doing that as well! I wish DID would go away.... urrrr

Mick
I'm sorry you feel angry or ignored by t. Maybe I have it wrong, but whatever you're feeling must not be comfortable for you.
Is there something fun you can do for yourself? Do you like art or music?
Please know that you are just as important as any in the system. They , IMHO, would be lost without you. What would you like to do about the card? (besides ripping it up?) Maybe you can make something to give T?

I hear ya, Mick....
Raven

Hey Raven - its Mick. They just don't get it. They trust that guy and he does it for money. So what. She don't got any friends for real - anytime she did they ditched on her. And this jerk is not her friend. He is ok and all for an adult but he is not our friend ever and she dont get it. Then thinking it is smart letting that little kid who lives here go call him daddy! that is nuts man! He ain't her dad! He is a tom - you know? just another person who might want to help if she gives him cash but I bet if he would have seen her crying that day in the park he would have been like all the rest and walked on. Dont get it Raven - my job is to protect her but I got to hurt her to make her get it! crazy

Hi Mick
We used to think the T was only doing his job to get paid. We've told him off, been really nasty to him, even tried to hit him once but you know what? He got it. He understood where we were coming from. We've talked to him more and more. He's an old guy but he can be ok.
Why don't you want the little ones to give him a card? They're just little kids and want the attention & love from him. You're older and aren't looking for a Daddy but maybe you two can have a good talk.
Honest, it isn't just the money he's interested in. We thought so too but it isn't. Try to talk to him. What can it hurt? I know trust is a ***** but your strong & smart.
If you ever want to talk just let me know and I'll be around.
Raven
PS I know you do a real good job protecting but it kinda leaves you out of getting any support, you know?

Mick you be the... hey nuthin but admiration for fightin' the fight

Hey Raven! Long time no see...

Hate to tell u Mickers ole friend but Raven's got some savy there...

the little runts are hsiW turns her head away kinda cute for makin the cared. don't tear it up man...then u'd have ta ya know!?!

Hey tell ya what...let's just say for now do the card...and we'll talk but ya don't hav ta like it...right, so I'm up for tellin ya what we had ta do, ugh, but no laughin' right?

we take them to the beach ya see and we like have a water fight and that's cool, man 'casue the week beofre we'd had them doin' a pillow fight. Okay, no laughin' They were pretty lamb but it was fun kinda.

okay...go to what ya havta k? hope you get some cool time in the snow...

gotta go. write...jeez...if ya, well, you know you want...jeez we been on this roller coaster ride tongight...jeez maybe shell sleep now. ...

Thanks all :-) Mick got her point through to me last night. Won't say how.... but she was right. She only did it so I would listen to her and back up.... have to stay safe and I was not listening. T is ok but Mick is right - he is only a stranger. So whatever. I can deal with not being close to him. Not sure about Little One - we did keep her out of the room while we had our "conversation" ..... Thank you again all for the help.

Wpowers,

You know all of you best and if you are as good to youselves as to the rest of us here then we give you an A+ for kindness and understanding. Yes, a stranger makes total sense in this.

wpowers and Mick
I'm glad you understand each other better. No one should hurt or feel bad. Mick, I like you a lot and understand much of what you feel.

Thank you all for your support. Today was breakdown at work. We went to see T emergancy session. We will make it. T does get Mick. Ty again

We understand being safe to. We hope Mick learns to trust to. The man we call Papa he kept us safe so the protectors like him. But we understand the fact about proving oneself to them.

I am so glad to read about these threads. My 8 year old boy asked my husband if he would be his daddy. I'm not sure what or how i feel about that. Having a degree in social work it rubs me the wrong way ""dual relationships" or something like that. But this is our family not a profession.

My husband is ok with the responsibility. I told him he would be taking on the trust pact. We only let those closet to us in our inner circle of trust. My husband of course is in it. But not in it like a dad, ya know.

I will talk to my T about this also, but just knowing that you guys have experienced the same situation takes a huge weight of my brain. Thx

((((((((((((((((((HONEY))))))))))))))))))))))))

My peeps want to get to know you and your system more. TTYL

WPowers:

New Diagnosed: Hopefully, you can post more about your 'stuff' here when you are ready.

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