Nervousness

I feel really stupid about being nervous about starting meds again. Just feel like I've failed in some way. Being on meds is the last thing I wanted. But I don't feel like to can cope or manage at this point. And something has to change. I told T last week that I would try the meds and I've gotten nervous and unsure about it all, I'm thinking of backing out now. I have to see T tonight and I have an appointment for blood work and to start meds in the morning. I really don't want to go to either appointment right now. Feel like hiding under a rock and telling everyone to go away and leave me alone. I just really don't want to deal with anything anymore. Just hide in my room.

Monty,

Just because you may need to go back on meds. does not mean you have failed. These things come in cycles and sometimes it is so much harder than other times.

This doesn't mean you can't cope any more it just means it is time for learning new and better ways of coping. The meds will help keep you safe until you learn those.

When a person has been abused it is sometimes hard to accept that we are not in total control of our lives and thoughts and emotions. Going on meds for me kind of drove home the point that I am not in total control. But it was a healthy step and choice to make.

Please do what will keep you safest.

place

((((((((((((((((( Monty )))))))))))))))))))))

I too get a similar feeling over meds, and often swing from deciding that I will start meds to thinking that I can be stronger than taking meds and that I can do it myself. This is faulty thinking I know, but you've taken a big step in organizing it so that you're taking meds, and having all the bloodwork done and such. It's always your choice but if meds are the only way you;re going to keep being functional and such, maybe they are your best bet.

nothing to feel stupid about monty.

Let me get one things out of the way here...............YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!!

Being able to cope or manage is great and if life right now is such that you are not able to do so w/o the assistance of meds then that is how it is.

You know how icky it feels to not be able to cope and the darkness and such that comes on once the avalanche begins........so you're being wise to head this off before it gets any worse. Commend yourself/ves for that! Smart thinking to prevent further decline.

I can fully understand not wanting to go to T or the lab. T is helpful and a safe place for you so I hope you were able to get there. As for the lab? well.......I guess it is necessary. I hope they gave you cool bandages like insects or dinosaurs or (my godschildrens favourite) spongebob! eek!!

If you do choose to hide under a rock perhaps you could holler to fuzzybear to see if her den has room as it sounds much more comfortable than the underside of a rock.

safe hugs for a hiding monty (((((monty_girl))))))

Place, I really think you are right with this being a matter of control. I have to have total control over any aspect of my life. And right now I don't feel like I have any control over anything. Last nights T was extremely hard. I've even told T that I really can't handle much right now.
I went for my blood work this morning, they also did a urine test again. I came back with blood in my urine. I've only been off the antibiotics for 2 weeks now. They sent it off for more test and said that they can't give me anything for the depression till they know more from all the blood work and urine sample. She said that if my urine test comes back negative again they are sending me to the kidney specialist. She asked me if I've had any pain. Which I don't I can't feel anything really to do with my body. Sometimes the DID really gets in the way.

TY (((((((((((((((((( Silver )))))))))))))))))))))))))
Thanks for being here for me. Sometimes I know what's best to do. But getting up and doing it is really hard. Always second guessing yourself.

((((((((((((((((((( _Zh ))))))))))))))))))))))))) ty for saying I'm not a failure. I'll keep saying that, maybe I can believe it.
T was hard and yucky. But I went. Hubby dragged me.
Lab, hey I got a balloon. That was the only good thing about today. Oh I called into work. Between T last night and sitting in a doctors office and being poked and bruised. I really really didn't fell like dealing with work. So I'll get a short sleep later and watch some cartoons. Oh and Spongebob is way cool. Almost as cool as Bugs Bunny or Snoopy.
I need to ask if fuzzybear has room in the den for me. Sounds warmer and safer then under my rock.

We all don't like the idea of meds but sometimes we need them to function. I'm not on any, again. The last was Effexor, needed it 'cos of my root canal & 'cos I was going crazy. You have a good head on your shoulders. You're talking 'bout it. Meds can help stabilize some of the thoughts, moods, etc so you can function better. If you need it for now, then sobeit. Does NOT make you a failure.
Love,
RM