[michelle421]

i saw a link to this blog in one of the DD resource threads, and i really REALLY like it. the woman who writes it, kathy broady, is super nice and knowledgeable, and i have enjoyed reading her posts (i went back and have started reading from the beginning of the blog).

i was particularly interested in a post about benefits of being multiple.
to see the blog go to: http://discussingdissociation.wordpress.com/2009/02/24/

i would be interested in hearing your thoughts on these ideas. there was quite a discussion in the comments of this blog post on kathy's site. some people thought it was great, others thought it wasn't quite right. i certainly think that depending on where you are in your healing process, it could affect how you may feel about these things. i have happily shared this post with my partner and some of her other people.

i think many of these things are benefits to them. they are such amazing people with great gifts. i also have to say that the way kathy sometimes uses "singleton" to describe non-multiple people makes me totally giggle (at myself). i love it, because it challenges me. it makes me feel different, differently abled, perhaps. i know that being multiple is very hard, and no one should ever have to go through the trauma that creates that way of being... but i do believe that the people who survive those conditions are incredibly gifted, important, and just awe-inspiring amazing people. and that greatness has given them the gift of surviving, life... a life that is challenging, but i believe that life (those lives, all those people who exist in any way together) is important to this world. you are still here because you are special.

i should move on. so here it is:

In the typical process of trauma therapy, your therapist and the dissociative trauma survivor will spend a great deal of time talking about how difficult it is to be multiple — and it is difficult, no doubt about it. For the typical multiple, there were years and years of pain and horror and abuse requiring the need to split over and over into a number of different personalities just to survive the unthinkable.
But the point of this blog is to talk about what an outsider / singleton sees as the benefits of being multiple and having Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID/MPD). Yes, there really are some advantages to being split!
I see the following benefits in multiplicity:

• Being able to do more than one thing at the same time. Talk about having the ability to multi-task! I’ve known situations were one personality can be talking comfortably on the phone while another personality is busy doing the day’s work. How cool is that?!!!
• Always having someone to talk to. When you are friends with each other on the inside, you don’t ever have to be alone. Your best friends can be right there with you, any time of the day or night.
• Being able to maintain the joy of a child’s perspective. Children can be so innocently full of wonderment, and joy, and happiness. They know how to be carefree and happy and amazed at the simplest of life’s pleasures. Child parts, once safe from trauma, can keep that sense of joy near to them their whole lives long.
• Being able to take a break even when the outside body has to keep going. When you’re split, you can tuck back inside, and rest, or sleep, or think, and let someone else be out front managing whatever is going on in life. Having that ability to pull away and separate from the outside life can come in handy sometimes!
• Having the ability to remember so much more of life’s experiences. In my opinion, once a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder finds safety, and learns to connect with all their internal people, and lowers their dissociative walls, it seems to me that people with DID actually remember more of their life than “regular” singletons do. This includes remembering more of the good times as well as the bad.
• Having the ability to understand life and events from a variety of different perspectives. Those with DID don’t have to imagine what it would be like from a different perspective – they often have someone inside that already genuinely sees things that way!
• Blocking out pain. While blocking pain is not always a positive or helpful skill, there are times and places where having the ability to block out pain, both physically and mentally, can be a great benefit.
• Quite possibly needing less sleep? I can’t prove this, but it seems to me that a significant number of folks with DID can function quite effectively on less sleep than what the average singleton person needs. Maybe this is because the various parts can rest and sleep internally? By taking turns resting inside, does that make the overall physical need to sleep less? I have no real answers for this, but it’s not uncommon for this to appear to be the case.
• Looking younger. Again, I cannot prove this, but in my years of working with multiples, folks with DID look considerably younger even as they physically age. One would think that the years of trauma, abuse, and stress would have a negative effect on the physical appearance, and while there are obvious scars, there also seems to be a common ability to not age physically as quickly as singletons do. You all nearly always look younger than you actually are. How cool is that?!
• The ability to fit in with a variety of different people. While some system splits were formed as trauma-based ways of matching with various groups of people (and some not so good as others), the positive flip-side of that ability is that people with multiple personalities can literally find themselves fitting in easily with a wide variety of people in a variety of ages.

Sometimes I wish I could do some of those things too!
The point being, despite the difficult beginnings required in splitting into multiple personalities, there are many good and positive attributes to being multiple.
What do you enjoy about your multiplicity?
What strengths do you have?
How has multiplicity enhanced your life?
What qualities of being a multiple would you want to keep, and never lose?
Your thoughts and comments are welcome.
__________
By:
Kathy Broady LCSW
www.AbuseConsultants.com

[shattered_angel]

I wouldnt be alive today if it wasnt for my alterss and all my alters have things they can do that I suck at such as I have a 6 year old alter who can kick arse at pool she is heaps better then I they al have gifts of their own I find mostly my friends who are multiple are all very creative people.. Living as a person with DID is really hard but at times it can be rewarding too..

[Crew]

HELLO

The answers to your questions from our point of view.

1) What do I enjoy about be multiple, well I can't imagine being a Singular person, however having gone through the process, I can say WE Hate being Multiple but that is just us.
2) What strengths we have are all different because these strengths different alters help out with different problems. We have protectors, we have fighting ones and talking ones. However, the strengths of being multiple also would be for us working as 1 unit of people going the same direction, working together, being co-conscious with each.
3) How has being mutiple enhanced my life? Well the only thing I can come up with right now is the different talents were able to do or the parts that do well with wheelchair tennis where others have no desire to play sports,where others inside don't have any desire. Yet, one thing that is awesome is that we now work together pretty well and different parts are showing there "skills" to others inside.
4) The qualities we wouldn't want to lose is our general Love for people.
5)What thougths or comments are welcome, well I am just wondering why you are asking all these questions? Are you multiple or do you work with multiples? If not, why all the ??'s and if so, why all the ??'s are you studying D.I.D.?
Nice to meet you, Crew

[multipixie9]

RITE NOW WE DON LIK BE MULTPL. WE HATE IT COS LESLE PAY HI PRICE FOR US BE D.I.D. HER HUSBAN IS MEEN TO HER A HOL LOT AN DINT EVN SAY HAPPY MUTHRS DAY. SHE GOTED PREGGERS 5 TIMS TO GET FAMILY 2 KIDS. HE SAY NO D.I.D. I HATES HIM VERRY BIG; WE LIKS BEIN LOTS OF US.

LESLE KNO SHE NOT LIVE IF WE NOT BEED D.I.D. BUT TODAY WE HATES OWR LIFE (BUT NOT NOBUDY HERE, OK????) WE HAS UGLY FEELINGS AND WANT TO BE UGLY AN YUKY AND MEEN. THEN WE WANA DIE.

SORRY WE RITED A BAD REPLY WE DON KNO HOW TO DO ANGRY DA RITE WAY. GRRR

SULKY PIXIES

[michelle421]

thanks for sharing!

shattered_angel - i am so glad you all survived! celebrate all your gifts.

crew - nice to meet you! the last part of my post was something i was re-posting from kathy broady's blog http://discussingdissociation.wordpress.com she is a woman who has worked with lots of DID people as a trauma therapist. i am not multiple, but my partner is. i have loved getting to know her and the 4 other people that are a part of her. i have learned so much from them and i love them. thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! i look forward to getting to know you better. i really appreciate your post! (only if ok)

[michelle421]

Originally Posted by multipixie9

RITE NOW WE DON LIK BE MULTPL. WE HATE IT COS LESLE PAY HI PRICE FOR US BE D.I.D. HER HUSBAN IS MEEN TO HER A HOL LOT AN DINT EVN SAY HAPPY MUTHRS DAY. SHE GOTED PREGGERS 5 TIMS TO GET FAMILY 2 KIDS. HE SAY NO D.I.D. I HATES HIM VERRY BIG; WE LIKS BEIN LOTS OF US.

LESLE KNO SHE NOT LIVE IF WE NOT BEED D.I.D. BUT TODAY WE HATES OWR LIFE (BUT NOT NOBUDY HERE, OK????) WE HAS UGLY FEELINGS AND WANT TO BE UGLY AN YUKY AND MEEN. THEN WE WANA DIE.

SORRY WE RITED A BAD REPLY WE DON KNO HOW TO DO ANGRY DA RITE WAY. GRRR

SULKY PIXIES

thank you for sharing. i am sorry you are struggling. i can't even begin to imagine how hard it is. i think it is ok to like being all of you. i am glad you can share that. i dont think it is ok for people to ever be mean to you. i hope you can hang on and be strong. i am glad that you survived. i think you must be very strong and resilient. thank you so much for sharing even though you are feeling angry. it's ok to have feelings.

[Hippie]

((((multipixie9))))

[anderson]

.... ..... ....

WE feel like this when we are near those that accept us and not hurt us.


.... .............
But we feel angre and confused when those that no like us no leave us alone.
Yes we like are selfs but we no like how others treat us or how to those that we like to understand that we know who hurts us. so why wont you listen to us for a change?

[amandalouise]

My opinions of this -

Originally Posted by michelle421

[*]Being able to do more than one thing at the same time. Talk about having the ability to multi-task! I’ve known situations were one personality can be talking comfortably on the phone while another personality is busy doing the day’s work. How cool is that?!!!

I was never able to multitask when I was not integrated. in fact trying to do more than on thing totally confused me and stressed me out to the point where I ended up dissociating into other alters and then I could only do what ever that alter was out could do. example if I switched into the housework alter I did house work, if I switched into an art driven alter I painted. I couldnt do both because there was no co consciousness between any of my alters and me.

Originally Posted by michelle421

Always having someone to talk to. When you are friends with each other on the inside, you don’t ever have to be alone. Your best friends can be right there with you, any time of the day or night.

I had no one to talk to when I was not integrated. there were voices but they were under the cover of ringing bells in my head so I was unable to understand what they were saying. my therapist told me hearing bells or a wind like sound is normal when there there is no sharing of information between alters. All i could hear was those gosh darn bells 24/7 and an occasional word that made me feel like I was crazy.. bells bells bells shoot bells bells bellls go bells bellls bells belss rigatoni. cant have a conversation with alters if 1. you dont know they are there and 2 there is no co consciousness.

Originally Posted by michelle421

*]Being able to maintain the joy of a child’s perspective. Children can be so innocently full of wonderment, and joy, and happiness. They know how to be carefree and happy and amazed at the simplest of life’s pleasures. Child parts, once safe from trauma, can keep that sense of joy near to them their whole lives long.

none of my child alters were innocent, full of wonder and joy and happyness. all my alters contained traumatic events, trauma filled emotions and reacted with those horrible events and emotions. example as a 3 yr old alter I sat under a table cloth in a closet holding a knife ready to slice at who ever opened the door, a 6 yr old alter sat under the blankets of my bed masterbating/hurting herself with things because it was the only way to achieve the end result that signaled the end of that nights abuse. a10 year old alter sat in the tub trying to cut off body parts to prevent looking like a lady in order to prevent the c0ming nights abuse, a 5 year old cowering in a corner screaming in pain, a 12 year old hysterical because no one told her/me menistration was normal and did not mean I was dying,

Originally Posted by michelle421

*]Being able to take a break even when the outside body has to keep going. When you’re split, you can tuck back inside, and rest, or sleep, or think, and let someone else be out front managing whatever is going on in life. Having that ability to pull away and separate from the outside life can come in handy sometimes!

I was never able to dissociate at will, I could never decide to go inside and to "let" someone else take over. My switching into alters depended on my being triggered and then the resulting alter that came out was the one that dealt with that emotional event that triggered me. there was no choice of going inside when ever I wanted to rest, sleep or think. it was always a very traumatic thing for me to switch and when I switched back there wasn't calm and peacefulness of having obtained rest. my switching back was filled with not knowing where I was, what was going on and many times my having to smooth over situations that had happened when I wasnt aware. I cant count how many times i would come back into awareness only to find out my partner and I had had a fight, or I was in a part of the city that I had no idea where I was and how I got there, one time I was high up in a tree with alot of people standing under the tree, apparently I had plans to hang myself complete with a roped noose in my hand and attached to the tree.

Originally Posted by michelle421

*]Having the ability to remember so much more of life’s experiences. In my opinion, once a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder finds safety, and learns to connect with all their internal people, and lowers their dissociative walls, it seems to me that people with DID actually remember more of their life than “regular” singletons do. This includes remembering more of the good times as well as the bad.

unintegrated I had no memories of my personal history of life events and as an integrated person I still have holes in my personal life history. my therapist says it actually common for people who have had DID to continue not knowing parts of their life history after they have been integrated just like a normal person does not remember every single second of their life from birth to present. the human brain isnt meant to record things verbatum

Originally Posted by michelle421

*]Having the ability to understand life and events from a variety of different perspectives. Those with DID don’t have to imagine what it would be like from a different perspective – they often have someone inside that already genuinely sees things that way!

the only perspectives I had was about the trauma or emotion that was contained within each of my alters. non of my alters could be taught to see things beyond what was contained within their memories. example as the 3 yr old alter sitting under a table cloth in a closet holding a knife ready to slice at who ever opened the door, that was the only perspective I knew someone was out to get me and I was going to kill what ever monster came after me. there was no big life epiphany of thinking about anything but slice with the knife if the table cloth moved.

Originally Posted by michelle421

*]*]Blocking out pain. While blocking pain is not always a positive or helpful skill, there are times and places where having the ability to block out pain, both physically and mentally, can be a great benefit.

I was not able to stay a3ware and block out pain. when I experienced pain I switched into the alter that held that pain for me. once integrated I had to reexperience that pain as if it was happening for real at that present moment.

Originally Posted by michelle421

*]*]Quite possibly needing less sleep? I can’t prove this, but it seems to me that a significant number of folks with DID can function quite effectively on less sleep than what the average singleton person needs. Maybe this is because the various parts can rest and sleep internally? By taking turns resting inside, does that make the overall physical need to sleep less? I have no real answers for this, but it’s not uncommon for this to appear to be the case.

I didnt need less sleep I needed more sleep because when I thought I was sleeping my alters were keeping my body busy doing things they needed to do. a physical body can only go so far without experiencing sleep. what ended up happening to me - I would get so exhausted that I would pass out. be taken to the hospital and they would medicate me into sleep with an iv and feed me through a tube until my body was once again strong enough to take on food and sleep on its own.

Originally Posted by michelle421

*]*]Looking younger. Again, I cannot prove this, but in my years of working with multiples, folks with DID look considerably younger even as they physically age. One would think that the years of trauma, abuse, and stress would have a negative effect on the physical appearance, and while there are obvious scars, there also seems to be a common ability to not age physically as quickly as singletons do. You all nearly always look younger than you actually are. How cool is that?!

I did not look younger. My physical body remained age appropriate, it was my posture and facial expressions and mannerisms that displayed that of the ages of my alters. I looked like a 20 yr old sucking my thumb, I looked like a 23 yr old hiding under a blanket while crying, I looked like a 21 year old twirling my hair. I looked like a 20 yr old with an angry face.

Originally Posted by michelle421

*]*]The ability to fit in with a variety of different people. While some system splits were formed as trauma-based ways of matching with various groups of people (and some not so good as others), the positive flip-side of that ability is that people with multiple personalities can literally find themselves fitting in easily with a wide variety of people in a variety of ages.

Yes I had a variety of friends but I did not fit in easily, in fact I lost many friends because of my uncontrollable switching. theres nothing like being in a movie theater line and switch into an alter that pees her pants out of fear and runs to the nearest picture frame and tear it off the wall and throw it at people.yup just the way to fit in easily I say. sorry but I lost more friends then anything because I had DID.

For me being DID was not a gift. it was torture, it was painful, it was unpredictable, it was anything but being a gift and pleasure. I'm glad I am now integrated and would not change it for the world. If given the choice to be DID or not I choose not.

[michelle421]

hey everyone,

here is another link to kathy's blog. this post is called "what if you don't like being multiple?" in response to some of the comments she got. see what you think of this post: http://discussingdissociation.wordpr...eing-multiple/

the post ends with this:

Multiplicity is simply what it is – the fact of having more than one personality / “person” in your head. In my opinion, it does not have to be a bad thing. The trauma and the abuse were devastatingly bad – absolutely. The dissociative walls can really cause problems in the current day, even if they were initially helpful. The PTSD, anxiety, depression, and other emotional fallout can be debilitating at times. But the multiplicity – just the multiplicity… does it have to be bad to share your life with others?
Again I ask….
Is accepting your multiplicity “as is” a version of accepting yourself?

thank you all so much for posting your thoughts. i really appreciate it. i look forward to seeing if you have any thoughts to share on this post too.

peace!

[anderson]

michelle421,
Thank you for these post we are still struggling to find real safety because we still have part to scared to stand up for our selfs. We fought for our son but now he on his own. That is what is givin us more streangth. But it so hard to do the right thing when you still have parts to scared from past and present abuse. OUr biggist grip is that we share now we should be able to stand as one but when a part is full of fear. The way we are being treated as if the games are still being played. Sorry , wanted to say thank you we like to read any thing that will give us a chance to truely be safe for all those within.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by michelle421

hey everyone,

here is another link to kathy's blog. this post is called "what if you don't like being multiple?" in response to some of the comments she got. see what you think of this post: http://discussingdissociation.wordpr...eing-multiple/

the post ends with this:
quote

Multiplicity is simply what it is – the fact of having more than one personality / “person” in your head. In my opinion, it does not have to be a bad thing. The trauma and the abuse were devastatingly bad – absolutely. The dissociative walls can really cause problems in the current day, even if they were initially helpful. The PTSD, anxiety, depression, and other emotional fallout can be debilitating at times. But the multiplicity – just the multiplicity… does it have to be bad to share your life with others?
Again I ask….
Is accepting your multiplicity “as is” a version of accepting yourself?

thank you all so much for posting your thoughts. i really appreciate it. i look forward to seeing if you have any thoughts to share on this post too.

peace!

not for me it isnt. having DID was forced on me by years of abuse therefore I didnt have the choice of acceptance or not. it was done to me. the only thing I had to accept was that the horrors and abuse that my alters held had happened to me. it was one body therefore what was inflicted upon the body and that which was held by the alters was in fact what happened to me.

the only choice I had was the choice of leaving therapy and remain how I was being a danger to myself and others because the type of alters I had were those that could not be changed and were stuck in re enacting and reacting to abuse and horrors that were inflicted upon me, or choose to remain in therapy and own those horrors and abuse as happening to me and become one whole person again so that I was no longer a danger to myself and others around me.

sure theres probably some people with DID that have alters that are full of joy and happiness and are co conscious with their alters so they do have good benefits of being DID.

for me there was little to no co consciousness, there were no alters that had good times, all there was for me were alters stuck in the dates and times and abuse for which they were created to be in and hold. So for me all being DID held was re enacting and reacting to those horrors and abuse that was inflicted upon me.

[darkpurplesecrets]

• comfortably on the phone while another personality is busy doing the day’s work. How Being able to do more than one thing at the same time. Talk about having the ability to multi-task! I’ve known situations were one personality can be talking cool is that?!!!

The thought of multitasking before I was co-conscious never crossed my mind. Although things always got done as someone within always made sure that what needed to be done was accomplished or getting to appointments was taken care of by someone----I would not really call that multitasking knowingly. Now that we have co-consciousness there is more ability to be able to but even now it is hard to do more than one thing. I am not sure that it is multitasking per-say as I can do more than one thing at a time but not necessarily because I am multiple. But there are times when we can.

• Always having someone to talk to. When you are friends with each other on the inside, you don’t ever have to be alone. Your best friends can be right there with you, any time of the day or night.

To be honest before co-consciousness as far as having others to talk to I would have to say that we did not know the others existed. Even those inside were not aware of each other. We were so compartmentalized and separate that no one was really aware of the others within and I certainly had no idea except for the constant voices that I could hear almost as if mumbles and chattering but nothing concrete. When I was first diagnosed I tried to deny that it was even true for I did not want to believe it could be possible. Even up to three years ago when I knew others were there I tried to make it go away. There was no communication within only many coming out whenever they wanted to and me losing so much time that I did not know whether it had been a day, a week, a month, or what. After co-consciousness, and over the last several months with a lot of work and acceptance we are now where we talk and have meetings within to talk about things or to help others with understanding of things. But still there is not total ability to talk to all within. We are working on this. But for the most part we can talk now and get those within to do what they need to do to co-operate for the safety of all. The little ones can now talk and play together as we have grown.

• Being able to maintain the joy of a child’s perspective. Children can be so innocently full of wonderment, and joy, and happiness. They know how to be carefree and happy and amazed at the simplest of life’s pleasures. Child parts, once safe from trauma, can keep that sense of joy near to them their whole lives long.

My child altars were innocent for they were of a child but the joy and happiness did not exist for a long while. They were very innocent with how they spoke and still speak. They speak with the only knowledge they have yet at times so sad as to what they hold. The trauma they hold speaks volumes but their ability to explain or to tell is in that of a child their age. Sometimes they can come forth and learn (at least for a while) to enjoy something but so many are stuck in a time that they never grew. Their ability to be happy and joyful is sometimes short lived as they can get it for a moment but the next time they step forward they are many times once again right where they are and have lost that sense that they were told. Their innocence comes in their words and how they tell what happened for they speak truth as a child would speak. Where I try to be proper and word things so that it is not right there they have no ability but to say what they say. Their speech is that of their age and the way they act is of their age for the most part. Sometimes some can talk or write older than they are but that comes from having to grow up way to soon. Once they come forth and talk and now that we have co-consciousness they do enjoy things at times and they at times argue amongst their self, as children would do.

• Being able to take a break even when the outside body has to keep going. When you’re split, you can tuck back inside, and rest, or sleep, or think, and let someone else be out front managing whatever is going on in life. Having that ability to pull away and separate from the outside life can come in handy sometimes!

Dissociating at will I was never able to do until after co-consciousness. Before the dissociation just happened. I would be then I was not and I had no idea who was. They would come and go when something would happen and the one that was able to handle certain situations was the one that stepped forward. Many times they would step forward during therapy and I was not able to leave until they stepped back. So many times I dissociate but I am not rested when I step back in and I am unsure what took place. Many times things took place that I had to figure out when I came back. Especially a few months ago, there were those that stepped out and caused a lot of difficult moments for me that I was totally unaware of and problems arose that I had to smooth out. Now there are times since co-consciousness and collaboration is taking place that I can step back and allow someone that is able to deal to step forth and give me a rest. Sometimes I go within, as I cannot deal with everything leaving someone in charge that can.

• Having the ability to remember so much more of life’s experiences. In my opinion, once a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder finds safety, and learns to connect with all their internal people, and lowers their dissociative walls, it seems to me that people with DID actually remember more of their life than “regular” singletons do. This includes remembering more of the good times as well as the bad.

Before co-consciousness I had no idea of so much of my life. I had blocked it out and that is why I dissociated in the first place because I could not deal with what was taking place. Those within held those memories for I checked out when it got to be too much for me to stand. When I receive and accept those within and their memories then I get the total memory back. Yes, I think that we do many times have more memory because so many hold those things for us and when we get them back we then have our memories but as far as all no. There are things that we will not remember just as other people that do not have DID do not remember. Sometimes there are things that all people do not remember and we being DID is no different. We may have a more vivid picture but that is from those carrying it within.

• Having the ability to understand life and events from a variety of different perspectives. Those with DID don’t have to imagine what it would be like from a different perspective – they often have someone inside that already genuinely sees things that way!

Perspectives of life were, to those within, what they knew. They held specific memories and emotions that were of what they knew. As they came forth and co-consciousness took place then they at times could see a different way but even then many times they could not get it. Although for us as there was programming, those that were programmed have become to know that they can have other jobs and do not have to do the things they were told to do. But this has taken a long time to get them to understand and even now there are times and those that still hold specific programming that are confused and questioning everything. For a long time, there was no teaching them something else and even now they sometimes cannot hold on to something new but they can work on it getting it many times as they begin to work through what they held and I can accept them and help them to understand.

• Blocking out pain. While blocking pain is not always a positive or helpful skill, there are times and places where having the ability to block out pain, both physically and mentally, can be a great benefit.

Before co-consciousness I was not aware of the pain they held. They only knew of the emotions and feelings that were theirs. We were not allowed to have emotions and within there are those that call themselves Echoes that pulled the emotions and pain within keeping it safe and allowing us to go on. Those within hold much pain and emotion but only to an extent as it was pulled away to protect. When those that held certain memories step forward and tell their memory of what they hold, I was at first unaware of anything. They would come and go without me knowing they were there. I would feel tired and have massive headaches and not know why. Fear is something we all know and have no problem feeling for that was instilled from the start. As I got co-consciousness I began to stay present with them and I felt some emotions that were allowed but never past a certain point. The emotions seemed to shut off immediately when we hit a place that we were not allowed to feel. It was not until the core self was rescued from within the wall that Echoes stepped forth with those emotions and is just now giving those to me. It has taken time and the building up of safety and support and their trust for this to be given. This is now the hardest work I have had to do, as I am unable to really understand what it is that I am feeling. I am scared of what it is as I have never known. I do also know that I have a very high tolerance of physical pain and can recover quickly from surgeries or injuries. At times the pain can be excruciating but at others it seems to not last as long.

• Quite possibly needing less sleep? I can’t prove this, but it seems to me that a significant number of folks with DID can function quite effectively on less sleep than what the average singleton person needs. Maybe this is because the various parts can rest and sleep internally? By taking turns resting inside, does that make the overall physical need to sleep less? I have no real answers for this, but it’s not uncommon for this to appear to be the case.

I am unsure about the sleep. I know that I seem to function on 2 to 3 hours of sleep a night, sometimes none. I feel totally exhausted and sometimes will fall asleep early evening for a few hours before it seems someone is always up doing something, writing, drawing, sewing, cleaning, playing, etc. Sometimes I can get to the point that exhaustion takes over and I can sleep for a day or more without really waking up. This is not normal but does happen on occasion. I am unsure of how the system rests but I do know that I can feel totally exhausted when I seem to get up and them get another wind and another wind from out of nowhere.

• Looking younger. Again, I cannot prove this, but in my years of working with multiples, folks with DID look considerably younger even as they physically age. One would think that the years of trauma, abuse, and stress would have a negative effect on the physical appearance, and while there are obvious scars, there also seems to be a common ability to not age physically as quickly as singletons do. You all nearly always look younger than you actually are. How cool is that?!

As far as age goes I find this to be very true. I do not look my age at all and many times I can appear younger even than normally I look. When the littlies are out sometimes I look very young. My facial expressions, posture, and mannerisms are definitely those of whoever comes out and they do the things that other children their age do. They do not understand a lot of the things that we have today. For instance, the answering machine really threw them for a loop. One of my young altars would sometimes call our t and her answering machine would pick up and she would start talking to our t as if she were on the phone. She did not understand that our t was not there and she would get so upset because she would hear t’s voice but t would not talk to her after the greeting message. This was very hard for her to get. Another one of my altars did not get a cell phone. She thought that our friend was in jail and that she was calling a jail cell. It was very difficult as this scared her and she had a hard time feeling safe for she thought our friend was going to hurt us because of the cell number. But I would agree that for me anyway, I look much younger than I am and many times am asked if I am my friend’s daughterratherthan her friend and there is only seven years between our ages.

• The ability to fit in with a variety of different people. While some system splits were formed as trauma-based ways of matching with various groups of people (and some not so good as others), the positive flip-side of that ability is that people with multiple personalities can literally find themselves fitting in easily with a wide variety of people in a variety of ages.

Having a variety of friends at different ages yes, we could relate with so many and seemed to fit in. But we also lost much as so many did not understand when we would try to explain. When we switched so much we seemed to scare others and the sad thing was I did not know until after it happened but as far as being able to connect with others on a variety of levels, sometimes. When I worked as a housemother at a girl’s home, I could connect on a level that the girls trusted, maybe because I could understand how they felt and I had those within that had been through so much that they could reach them where they were.
I think in accepting my DID for me is a version of accepting myself. DID was not something I chose but it was something that I did to survive something that was not otherwise survivable. It took a creative mind and courage to do what we did. In working over time and getting co-consciousness, I have learned to accept myself for who I am and the others within me. I am all within and they did a great thing for me when I could not be. I did not choose to be multiple and no it is not easy, but it is getting a little easier as I work to accept and communicate with those within. As I grow a little more each day and listen within I am accepting me for whom I am. Though it is so hard and there are days I want out and sometimes not even be I know that we did something in order to survive. If I deny those within I am denying myself for they are me at different times that I could not be myself. Being DID was torture and painful----it still is as I am just now really getting back those emotions and feelings that I never could have. I am still working on memories that those within are holding that I do not know yet. The life of being DID is hard and many times has no understanding. I feel lost and misunderstood. But it also saved my life and has been a blessing at times. If I had a choice I would not want to be DID, but because I had no choice DID saved my life and for that I am thankful. Knowing those within myself now, I would not give them up for they have done a great job and they have a lot to give. They are me and I accept that now, even though the pain and fear I am going through right now to heal is unspeakable, I am learning everyday. I have to say they did for me what I could not do for myself. And that is a good thing or I would not be here now.
dps

[possum220]

too hard to read too much. no i dont like being multiple and not being able to function as well as other people.

i dont want to be a version of myself. i want to be real not all fractured and struggling with so many issues.

i dont like being an embarassement to myself.

no mutiltasking here. Just blocks inside my head.

benefits of being a multiple? pfft......

[AtreyuFreak]

o_O

........

Am I allowed to email this lady?

[Hunny]

Michelle,

You said: "i would be interested in hearing your thoughts on these ideas."

You are a caring partner and because of your compassion you are choosing to embrace the world of multiplicity. It is a rare thing for me to see someone take such an interest other than those curious about how the multiple works or those who are intending to be counsellors or therapists. It shows me that you are different because you love for your partner and have a love for 'the different'.

It is, no doubt, going to be a happier road for you and your partner as you learn and are learning how to navigate yourself with a person who is multiple. Perhaps your future lifework is the outcome of some of this and I wish you much success in your education.

Oh, that we would all see each other with such love and compassion. That goes for me too. That when I meet someone who is different from me, that I would see them as another human being and not someone who is for example without a limb, or hair, or developmentally delayed, or in a wheelchair, or acting out, or, well, you get the idea. I think mental illness is a frontier that we all would like to see more acceptance in and you, Michelle have taken the time to seek us and reach out and you are trying to show us that we too are lovable.

I would like to say back that I love you too. I know some people have been abused with the word love so I hope if they are reading this they substitute whatever caring word they may use.

Please Michelle feel free to tell me more about yourself. I just know you have a great desire to 'show' us all that we are loved by at least one other person in the world.

Thank you for taking the time. It can be a bit of a triggering subject but I thank you for being gracious to hear the hurt and hear the healing and still decide to love. It is a 'mighty' thing that you are doing and I want to respond in kind, without malice.

As we each of us continue to pursue our healing we will remember your tenderness of heart and mind. I look forward to hearing from more citizens of this planet who will say, hi, thanks for you.


You said: "i think many of these things are benefits to them. they are such amazing people with great gifts."

Yes, I think so too! I am pretty gifted and I am grateful.

You said: "i also have to say that the way kathy sometimes uses "singleton" to describe non-multiple people makes me totally giggle (at myself). i love it, because it challenges me. it makes me feel different, differently abled, perhaps."

I am afraid I really dislike the word singleton as it is another way to point a finger at me. Like I don't think other people with a mental illness call other people they relate to something else. It is kind of strange and I've never liked it.

You said: "i know that being multiple is very hard, and no one should ever have to go through the trauma that creates that way of being... "

But I do hope you will continue to advocate for those children who have suffered and are still suffering 'trauma' as I have chosen to do. It is about the only way we can bring an end to this horrific condition.

You said: "but i do believe that the people who survive those conditions are incredibly gifted, important, and just awe-inspiring amazing people. and that greatness has given them the gift of surviving, life... a life that is challenging, but i believe that life (those lives, all those people who exist in any way together) is important to this world. you are still here because you are special."

Thank you and you are pretty awe-inspiring yourself! And I am special as are you. I pray you take good care of yourself too and whatever conditions you may need to address in yourself and that other supportive people would come here to this forum and just validate us with their love (using their own words that is).

Have a good day Michelle.

Cheers
Hunny

[michelle421]

hunny... thank you so much. your words mean so much to me. i really, really appreciate it. ...i hardly know what to say, i'm just filled with good feelings, love, whatever is the true goodness of that which we call love - maybe some people call it something else, and that's ok. i know there is true goodness in you and in me. i am happy that we can all connect through that... it's an important part of being in this world.

it breaks my heart to know that people suffer so terribly leading them to become multiple. it's not ok. it's wrong. it's evil. it's something that i haven't been able to understand ever in my life until i met my partner. ...i could hear about the terrible things in the world, but i couldn't possibly understand such terrible, evil things even exist. i would do anything i could to make that stop. i wish i could make it all stop. no child should ever face evil. they should be protected and loved and nurtured and cared for no matter what. they should be told how important they are and they should be told that it's ok to be who you are and to be imperfect, and you have a right to be safe. every child, no matter what, deserves a safe place to grow, make mistakes, learn, explore, create, discover, love, and be themselves. no matter what! children are good! the world should not tell them otherwise.

i know it is not my partner's fault that she suffered. it is not your fault if terrible, evil things happened to you when you were powerless to stop it. no matter what those evil people did to manipulate or program children to take the abuse, it is never ok. that is wrong. and it's not your fault. and though you deserved better, the world is not always a safe place. no child should have to fight to survive, but i am so amazed and grateful that you did survive. i hope you all can hear that from me... i am so happy you survived, because i know there is a reason you are still here. you are important as you are. you are not broken, you have been hurt and it can heal in time. please keep fighting and find your own path to healing. you have special gifts as a survivor (or survivors).

i am so grateful that my partner survived, because i know it was not easy. there were many times where she almost died, either from another's hand or her own. but whatever she needed to do to survive, she did - they did together. and she's here with me now (i am so grateful! i often feel that i need her, and she and i are so good together!) and i love her for who she is inside, i love her whole self. i love her imperfections. i love her body (respectfully) even though i don't love mine. i love her ability to tell stories. i love her intelligence. i love her sense of humor. i love her laughter. i love her passion. i love her creativity. i love the way she really cares and tries her best.

and i absolutely love all her other people, just as they are. they are all so special, and i am glad that they have all learned to exist together. i'm sure they will still need to continue to grow individually and as a group. there is still some programming to undo, and some worldviews to change. i am happy that i can be in their lives, too. i have had some really special, amazing, spiritual interactions with some of my partner's alters. i love them, and i feel privileged to be in their lives. i love sharing the goodness of the world with them, since they did not see or learn about that before.

i know that some people may learn to grow and live collectively as a group, as multiple. however, i'm sure there are also other people who have different experiences and may integrate into one or a more co-conscious whole. everyone is different. and i thank everyone for sharing their experiences. i thank you for sharing even though it is hard sometimes.

i want to help encourage people to heal the way they need, not in any way people tell them to. i hope that by sharing some of my thoughts and the fact that my partner and i are happy together, regardless of all the letters: DID, PTSD, SI, SAD, whatever else, it may help you see that it is possible. you are good, and special, and unique, and there is someone out there just as special and unique who is right for you. we all are ourselves, imperfections and all. it's ok. we all have things to learn. we all have to keep seeking growth and healing. learn life's lessons. and having fun and loving along the way is so special. i hope you all can find someone to share your life with. my partner and i never knew this kind of thing was possible. i didn't know someone could ever understand me like she does. she never knew anyone could love her as she is. but i do. i love her unconditionally.

thank you for letting me share my life with you all. and thank you so much for sharing your lives with me. i really, truly appreciate it. we all have so much to learn in this life. and some people have had more painful lessons... i hope that i can help share the burden of the grief, since you did not deserve such pain.

i wish you all the best.

[michelle421]

Originally Posted by AtreyuFreak

o_O

........

Am I allowed to email this lady?

i would encourage anyone who is interested to go to her website(s) and contact her. if you are interested, check out the comments on those two blog posts i linked into this thread... there were many DID people who commented and kathy does well at having discussions about things that people bring up. i think that is a very important part of discussing dissociation, there is so much that varies from person to person. it is important to keep the conversation open. my partner certainly doesn't have ALL those "benefits" that kathy brought up, but i find those things interesting to think about. everyone has their own unique ways of being.

again, thank you everyone for sharing.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((michelle))))

Thank you for what you said as it has touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes. It meant more than you know. Thank you for being here and for sharing with us and for accepting your partner as you have. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps