My DID is getting in the way

I feel like my DID is getting in the way of me having a better life - both financially and physically and I am lost as to what to do because all the regular things my T has suggested are not working this time around.

Example:

1.) I suffer from many different medical disorders that hinder me from having a fulfilling life out side the house... and yet when I go to the doctors office about my issues then it seems as though the majority of my problems disappear (well that is until I return home) then they resurface, therefore, my doctor does not always see what I am trying to explain to her and get help for.

2.) I am getting bored being at home all the time and right when I feel like I am doing well enough both emotionally and physically to start looking for a part time job it seems as though one of my alters takes over which leaves me with anxiety of being in public - around people, debilitating pain from my arthritis and severe fatigue that makes it almost imposable for me to remain awake for more than five hours at a time... how can I work (even part time) with all this going on?

Does any one else have this kind of issues due to their DID? - if yes, how do you deal with it.

Some people who have DID are highly functional. Others who have it are not.

I too fall into that category of not being highly functional. I have to pace myself. At times my pace is so much slower and smaller than others. I physically wear out easily.

If I push things too hard everything falls in a heap. If I am stressed my speech turns to stuttering...

I really struggle with comparing myself to what normal people can do.

Parts of me are really hard on me. So yes Rhapsody DID gets in my way too.

I cant say I have a solution, because I don't.

I don't have a 9-5 job. I exist on welfare.

The only advice I can offer you at this point is that some-how you can get some kind of support system around you.

Try and have focal points in your week where you are doing something that requires your attention for a few hours and get you out of the house. Hopefully that event will include people.

Rhapsody,
I am very much the same way. When all within feel safe we can work as a team but when circumstances outside of our control. Push butten we have yet to find a way to be center. Like others here have told us we can only do what we are able to. No more , no less. Right know we are on welfare to. But are very lonely to we are finely making friends at church that allow us to be our selfs. but to find that at the work place we have yet to find it.
Even we have to try over many time just find the way to get past the issues of past and present abuse. just know that we are here sitting with you.
from all of to all within you.

....I am living proof......
....that D.I.D. can be let go of.....
....and that......
....there is life after D.I.D.?

....still new to this.......
....having just........
....ptsd.....................

......internal communication.....
......ask inside

.....and my recovery from....d.i.d.
.....has been documented...........
.....within the medical profession...

.....and with a hell of alot of work on me..................
.....from thirty-three..........to me...........................

How do those of you that have DID & WORK function?

I used to work full time, go to school, and raise our two daughters. I was a "dance mom" , a PTO member, and a clean freak, and always made dinner.
I am lucky that I don't have too many health issues but even without them, I find I'm less able to find the courage to do all that I once did. I stopped working 5 years ago. My girls are grown. The more I discover in my head, the less I am able to do professionally. It does get in the way, but there are many ways to get around a roadblock. I am trying to be useful and a "contributing member of society" ..sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I'm learning to go with the flow more and not have a pathological need to control everything in my life. The more I can let go, the more free I feel and the more confident I become.
Just my 2 cents..I hope it helps some.

I had a few different jobs. my conscious self was a waitress. I worked the 12-4 shift. one of my alters worked as a chamber maid in an hotel during the morning shift from 6am to 11am. another alter worked as cashier during the evening shift from 5 to closing (midnight).

we were able to manage this because my alters were so individualized. they all had their own jobs, likes, dislikes, clothing styles everything including lives separate from me the conscious self. the only time it got a bit strange for me was when I "woke" up in Honolulu handing out leis. I found out that alter had moved us clear out of the continental USA and decided to work in a hotel there. what could I do but continue to work there until I had enough money to get us back stateside. For me it was pretty normal to have alters that had lives and jobs of their own. now that Im integrated its a bit more challenging but Im managing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by amandalouise I had a few different jobs. my conscious self was a waitress. I worked the 12-4 shift. one of my alters worked as a chamber maid in an hotel during the morning shift from 6am to 11am. another alter worked as cashier during the evening shift from 5 to closing (midnight). the only time it got a bit strange for me was when I "woke" up in Honolulu handing out leis. I found out that alter had moved us clear out of the continental USA and decided to work in a hotel there. what could I do but continue to work there until I had enough money to get us back stateside. For me it was pretty normal to have alters that had lives and jobs of their own. now that Im integrated its a bit more challenging but Im managing.

Hmm???

This is interesting...

I apologize...but I just don't understand this?

On 4/8/2009 you made a post to your thread entitled "All About Me" that stated you were 28 yrs old, lived in New York State, had been going to College in NY State for 11 years and that you had "never been out of New York State." (Please see your quote below)

Quote:

Originally Posted by amandalouise Yes upstate New York is where I go to college. yes I know 11 years is a long time. it would have only been 2 years for my Liberal Arts degree and then 2 years for my BS if I had taken a full course load every year. But I didnt do that. Some semesters I took a full course load and some I took only one or two courses. Im aiming for my Masters starting in the fall. No I have never been to Oregon, never been outside New York State.

So, you've been in College since you were 17 (11 years) and you managed to work, it sounds like three jobs at once while going to school? That's a lot of work!!

Then you say that one of your alters took you to Honolulu to pass out leis.....but last year you said you had never been out of NY State?

I know this is off topic...but are you for real? You keep contradicting yourself and it's really confusing. It reminds me of the way my abuser behaved. You know, changing the rules when it suited him, making stuff up to make me crazy. It's crazy making.

Sorry for getting off topic...but what's going on?

Elysuim - Welcome to the World of DID - a some times confusing place where every body can have their own life, jobs, schools, daily routine, likes and dislikes.

I think she was referring to how in one post amandalouis said she never been outside on NY state but in the latest one they said they went to Hawaii. Not the 3 jobs and college thing...

Yes, I understood that.... I took it as her saying that she personally had never been out of New York, but one of her alters had gone to Hawaii, therefore, in reality she "her mental self" with having no regulation of ever having been out side of New York was telling the truth in the World of DID.

Example:
I dont type well, but one of my alters can type a mile minute, but if you ask me if I personally can type - I would say No and that would not be a lie even if you were to see typing away... she has to be present for me to type.

Hey Rhap,

I had read your question a few days ago, and the first two words that popped in my mind were "Good Question". I've sat still and done some reflecting for an answer. Now, mind you, that these types of questions are anchor questions for a book.

In all honesty(or at least as much as I can muster up at this time, as pertaining to previous posts in this thread;did never a dull moment;if I can remeber,hahahahaha....), I was never aware of working(employed) while having did. I guess that's why I had so many jobs and adapted to all of them, so very well.

I was actually forty years old, when diagnosed with did. I always new something was wrong; I just did not know what it was. I was on my way out of this country to find high paying work, when I went for a physical. They screened me for ptsd. It came back positve, when I answered "which time", to the question of "have yaa ever seen anybody die". At that time, I had totally forgot about my sequence of traumas begining between the ages of 456.

The part that did remember death, was my soldiering part,"infantrydude". That one part of me was, ready and willing (and remembering) to go back to work. It was about this time of the year, in 04'(I think). I was then asked if I would be willing to talk to somebody about this(a phd), and I agreed. From this point, I was then referred to an expert in traumatic stress(or did) when,he asked "whats wrong" and I said "I hear voices" and then, I touched the spot/spots on my head were I heard the voices speaking.

A few weeks later when I walked into the B.C.E.T.S.(board certified expert in traumatic stress, specializing in did),there was an introduction, then a barrage of questions, and within fifteen minutes (out of what, forty years?) I was diagnosed with did. This was the begining of the curse and the blessing.

The blessing was, I didnt have to physically work, because I qualified for dissabilty benfits and I didnt HAVE to go overseas to protect and hurt people for good money.

The curse was, now I know.

Being integrated today, I can write this legibly and be somewhat clear. Again, I am still new to this and, eventhough I dont find myself in strange places or predictiments........this is very tough for me to write because,there was a part that took college english and my writer used to just take over, under circumstances of this nature......but this is meeeee.
....and its still there......knowledge/experience......its just a matter of...its real different.....definately better than it was before,but I've done and am still doing the work..

So, being long winded in answer to your question "How do those of you that have DID and Work function?".....D.I.D work is functioning work....

...............sparrowstail...............45yearsold

I hear you there..... but it doesn't pay $$$ - lol
with my husband and I buying a house I would like to work part time so I can help with making the house look nice.

ok....part time work is good!!.........I've done it and still do it........

what worked best for me was............mindless tasks.....lol...

auctions....move this here....and that there.......

one persons trash.......is anothers treasure........

.......bulk trash day$$$.....kept me going for alot of years......

I've consigned and purchased and worked auctions.....today I gotta lotta nice antique furniture....cheap

never was much on nice glassware.........

That's exactly what I have been looking for - lol

Rhapsody,
When we are able to be safe we have learned to trust that the part with the knowledge to be present and avilabe to help out. But we still have times that one of us know how to do something but not aviable to help out at the time.
That is when things get dices for us to but when we do not think about it and just go with the flow we have all that we truely need to know. But right now we would go for a small side job just to get a few things to get by.
Good luck on the home improvements!
from all of us to all of you!

one of the many things that hurt me is my spouses contempt for my inability to work. he does not believe in d.i.d. he things i just like living alone at home accomplishing very little - as he evaluates life.

it began for me by age 1 or 2 and went on until sometime in my 20's. i had many abusers and lived in fear of death, torture and many other things and all the while i had to get up and go to school and pass for normal - the penalty was too high to mess that up. i got so good at it that while i ALWAYS knew something was wrong i was not dx until my maternal unit died in 1992 and my whole being imploded. it took my T (for the last 15 years) years to convence me i was multiple. i was too afraid of being kicked out by my spouse and losing my 2 loveable daughters. and to be fully honest i just realized it took so long because i was completely and deathly frightened to remember my unspeakable, evil past.

i am surprised i worked as much as i did. i am not a high functioning did anymore. i was in college years(3 years, 15 hours per semester and 20 hours a week working. i left on a 3.45 gpa) and until i had my first child and then - though the evidence had always been there - i began to unravel faster. i left college because one of my alts was afraid we would fail math. 10 years later i took a math quiz on a computer for a job and went through high school algebra and geometry with no refresher courses. so i sabotaged myself and changed my whole life's outcome through fears programmed by my 4th grade satanist teacher.

i never took a job i wanted because i did not know what i wanted, all my efforts had been on survival, not self-actualization. so i did a series of hourly wage offices jobs that i hated and feared because i was always on the verge of being "found out" as a pretender. i'm 57 and still wonder what i will be when i grow up. if i don't find out soon i'll grow up and die in the same month... and my T tells me I am "complicated"; i guess having hundreds of alts does that to a person/s. it turns out that i had a system that "spun out" new alts when they felt we needed one to divert attention or block me from something that might send me into undesirable behavior with sharp objects.

my daughters are not did. thank you, God. but, i'm sure they have some stories to tell. and they DO believe in D.I.D. they would since they saw mommy become leah, a teen and drive like a bat out of hell, or there was mommy who took too much meds trying her very, very, very hardest to perform for daddy and the church and for the two precious children she had to protect from something terrifying she could not quite remember...

i'm stopping here, we know we are ranting. this topic is the title to the book of my life(if we could agree on just one title...lol) the questions of who and what and why i am have tortured my mind on a daily basis. my oldest daughter just called on her way home after a horrific evening stage managing after her day job as a special education teacher. i am so proud of her. she has a genuine heart and an engaging personality - only one thankfully =) the only really hard thing is when i mess up and compare all she does and how freely she seems to do it, i feel even less functional. BUT, i DID give birth to Sarah and bring her and Tina up to the best of my flawed ability, my life feels so small and narrow. oh well, rant is REALLY stopping this time. G'nite all.

Booker

We are able to hold a job, at the moment, being a lab technician. We have two main ones that do this job. They are able to do it well. Sometimes we are scared that the youngers will come out at work where there are lots of very dangerous chemicals, acids and bases that will severly harm us if they do. We have two protectors that keep the youngers busy playing and such while our body is at work. Sometimes it goes really well, but sometimes when our host is out, she lets things get to her and blames herself for everything and she has a breakdown and we have to go home. It is a delicate balance between our life in here and the life we all live outside. If we had a choice, we would not choose to have DID. None of us like being here, stuck in a body that doesn't fit any of us except maybe our host. But we have DID and there is nothing we can really do about that. Most of the time we are high functioning. Sometimes not so much. We are grateful that we can work and focus on life out here. It is very overwhelming when we only focus on life in here. Don't really know if that made much sense, but maybe it did. If not please disregard this post.

Yes, it made perfect sense and we use to work - I was the main floor receptionist and billing clerk for a pediatric office that had 15 PT/OT therapist in it... and while the work was hard we enjoyed it. Plus we went back to school after my last child was four years old and got our degree as a Health Unit Coordinator and ran an entire floor at the local hospital, but quit after my DID interfered.

Been home ever since.... that was over seven years ago.

I've been home not working 3 years. I feel like a complete failure. I have a degree, worked through school and spent nearly 10 years in my chosen profession.

Eventually, I ended up working for a boss who was an abusive tyrant, and my world fell apart. I couldn't deal with the intimidation, silent treatment and abuse. I guess I had a nervous breakdown of sorts. I was hospitalized and lost my job.

I tried finding another job, but I couldn't bring myself to actually making it work. I became too frightened of people. I want to stay home and hide.

I suppose my work right now is trying to stay sane, not injure myself and talk to my T of nearly a year. My DID diagnosis is relatively new - so I'm adjusting. (Though mental health issues are NOT new to me.) I'm trying to understand. My new "work" is depressing and unfulfilling!

As I learn, it seems DID is something that develops in childhood. So I don't really understand how I was able to do so well for so long - relatively speaking. Now, I can barely manage to go to the store. Mental illness is most definitely getting in the way of my living a productive, peaceful life.

It makes me sad and angry. I want to be able to do what I did before. I was always fearful and never thought I was very good at what I did, but at least I managed. Why can't I do that now?

I feel like Humpty Dumpty. I fell and broke into pieces and, it seems, I can't be put back together again! Very sad. Very painful.

I understand this feeling all to well, and I think it is the coming together of my real self that is causing the main problem in my life atm... I "Carolyn" went away at 12 years old and my alters took over for most of my learning and education experiences... hence why I am now having issues functioning out side of my own house - I have yet to receive what my alters learned and I am becoming stronger with in my own internal system, but with out their knowledge.

Rhapsody,

I have worked all but about one year of my life. The economy, my age and my tiredness from all of the co-conscious parts are all barriers for me, lately. I am working toward integration so the tiredness can be minimized but then as I do the age issue becomes more of a factor. I am generally really healthy, thank God, so I am physically well, except for this recent illness.

I think it is important for our self esteem to work. I think it gives me a sense of autonomy, value and gives me money to buy things I like.

Did you try to go to an employment resource centre, yet? They call them that here but I think they may be called something else in the US. I don't know how helpful they are with people with dissociation but if you tell them of one of your more socially acceptable conditions, I think they may help. I don't hold out hope that they will secure work for you but they can sometimes employ the really knowledgeable, caring, compassionate and forward looking individual. I have found one or two in these places but you still have to sort through the self proclaimed experts there who are only in it for themselves.

Here they are privately owned and funded by the government, the results being there seems to be a fair amount of them that have little knowledge of the needs of those of us that have been harmed by trauma, mostly because they don't acknowledge abuse of children in the first place. So be careful where you go or you'll be up against more than you bargained for. There does seem to be a huge oil seepage of those who don't believe children into these places.

All the best.

"I feel like my DID is getting in the way of me having a better life - both financially and physically and I am lost as to what to do because all the regular things my T has suggested are not working this time around.

Example:

1.) I suffer from many different medical disorders that hinder me from having a fulfilling life out side the house... and yet when I go to the doctors office about my issues then it seems as though the majority of my problems disappear (well that is until I return home) then they resurface, therefore, my doctor does not always see what I am trying to explain to her and get help for.

2.) I am getting bored being at home all the time and right when I feel like I am doing well enough both emotionally and physically to start looking for a part time job it seems as though one of my alters takes over which leaves me with anxiety of being in public - around people, debilitating pain from my arthritis and severe fatigue that makes it almost imposable for me to remain awake for more than five hours at a time... how can I work (even part time) with all this going on?

Does any one else have this kind of issues due to their DID? - if yes, how do you deal with it."

I think Hunny has a good idea Rhapsody. Do you have a local workforce center. I know here they help all kinds of people get jobs that would work for them. They play a big part in getting jobs for people who would normally have no chance of being hired ie. people with severe mental disabilities or mental illness. It's not the best work out there, but it gives them a sense of belonging to society because they are needed and relied upon to a point. If there is a place like that in your community, it might be beneficial for you to check that out. Thanks Hunny for such a good idea!

Cris

Hi Rhapsody,
I too have had trouble being able to work. Iwas supermom before...working fulltime going to school at night and raising two children on my own. I had my nevous breakdown 13 years ago. I tried many many part time jobs but the pressure of work was always too much after not too long a time. I worked fulltime in my profession for quite a while but again the pressure was too much for me and my system. So I tried to think of a way to work that wouldn't put so much pressure on me...I came up with petsitting and dog walking. If I'm overloaded I don't have to deal with people ..only dogs and kitties and other creatures who don't care if I seem off that day.So I work part time doing this until my t and shrink think I'm ready to work full time again in my profession( social work). Ive been talking about working full time again but they do not think I'm ready so will wait til I'm strong enough. It's frustrating but I'm sick of failing so I have to tell myself that it is true what I'm doing IS work...healing takes so much out of me. Good luck....none of us are alone in this...thank goodness. Kasva

Justdon'tknow,

I think I was warning Rhap as much as I was suggesting, just to clarify.