[Catlovers141]

---May Trigger--- (sorry I forgot to add warning)
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I really have no idea where this goes but I wanted to put it somewhere and get support/input because I could really use it.

I think I mentioned before that my parts will show me images and talk about stories related to abuse. Even though I don't think/remember this happening to me, I find it extremely disturbing, frightening, and sad to see and listen to.

Yesterday in therapy I finally started talking about these images after a month of trying. I was completely exhausted after but felt like I had done good work.

Today in a women's health class (I'm in college) they showed a documentary about a very sensitive issue and there were a lot of images on that video that I found really upsetting. You could hear people screaming and everything. I had to leave the classroom.

I am having a very difficult time dealing with this. I don't want to trigger people so I won't say exactly what went on, but essentially some of the things that happened to the girls were very similar to what parts claim happened to them. The same methods/objects were used and everything. I was supposed to have therapy again tomorrow but it was canceled due to weather and I am such a mess. I feel like I can't deal with all these images and I am very upset at seeing and hearing what I did before I could leave the room.

Anything is appreciated. Even a hug just to know someone is listening because I am such a mess now.

[invisigirl]

listening and understanding.

[Catlovers141]

Thank you, Invisigirl.

It has been a really hard day. The weather didn't turn out to be so bad and I probably could have gone to my appointment. I really regret canceling but I couldn't have known. I just don't know how I am going to get through the next few days. My next appointment is on Monday. I am so shaken up. I know it was just a movie, but it brought up so much for me because it is so similar to other things. And after just having a session the day before talking about those other things, it was just overload.

I was thinking of asking for a session for tomorrow but she is completely booked and she doesn't come in on Fridays so I really don't have a choice but to wait until Monday. I start crying just thinking about the next few days. I am starting to have really strong SI urges and I just don't know how I am going to do everything.

[googley]

(((((((((Catlovers))))))))

I'm really sorry you got triggered by the movie in class. That really sucks.

[invisigirl]

ugh.. I understand how far away Monday feels.

is there something you can do to distract yourself? I find such times to be perfect for getting into a good book, listening to lots of music, or even coloring. I like coloring because it doesn't take a lot of energy but it works to distract me from what's going on in my head. it's soothing. I also like knitting, but sometimes knitting or reading can take too much concentration.

Originally Posted by Catlovers141

I was thinking of asking for a session for tomorrow but she is completely booked and she doesn't come in on Fridays so I really don't have a choice but to wait until Monday. I start crying just thinking about the next few days.

ohhhhh, it is an AWFUL feeling when I really *need* to see T and can't get it. Ack.

Can you ask her for a phone call? T will sometimes call me on his way home from work if I can't get in and I'm having a hard time, and it helps a little just to know he's there and he hears me and knows I'm struggling.

Something else that helps me when it feels like a long long time until I see T is to break the days into pieces...So I will think "Thursday is music lessons for my kids" and focus on that..and then "Thursday night is my meditation group" and get to that...and then "Friday is the day before the weekend"...whatever it takes to make each day a little more bearable. Before I know it, it's the day before my appt and I just have to get through a little longer.

I'm so sorry you were triggered. Being triggered unexpectedly like that is honestly one of my least favorite things in the world.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

(((cat))) you are never alone, we are always here to help. I'm so sorry you went through this and I really hope you start feeling better really soon. I get triggered very easily by some movies as well. Different kinds of triggers for different kinds of movies. This is why I don't watch TV too much or new movies too much. It's so hard knowing that to them it's all fiction but to you it's life. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this and please don't hesitate to post any time you are feeling like this again, we will all be here!

[Catlovers141]

The hard part was the scene was real. The movie was a documentary. They videotaped the actual event happening. So I can't even say to myself that it was just a movie because it was not. It actually happened to those people exactly as it is shown on film because that was the real event.

I am feeling slightly better, just trying to make it until Monday. I'm feeling a lot of SI urges but am trying to at least make it until I see my T.

[krazy_phoenix]

May trigger...please only read if safe...

(((((((cat)))))))

I studied A&P (Anatomy & Physiology) as part of a medical degree, and as part of the subject I needed to complete a unit that included cadaver work.

I refused but was told I would fail the unit, therefore failing the subject, therefore unable to pass my degree.

I was pregnant at the time also. I did not want to be there. I have seen more than my fair share of deceased people - for a variety of reasons - and I spent the entire time in a fully blown panic attack (not because I was scared of 'dead people' and wondering if there were ghosts like my professor snidely remarked and told me to stop being a ditzy blonde!!). The professor in charge of the lab passed me for attendance and I made the lowest passable grade for the unit. I still to this day don't know how I managed to stay. I guess the fact that I don't remember much of it is probably a clue, lol. It took me a long time to get over it, and it has become something of a 'bad' memory that hasn't processed properly that jumps into focus at inappropriate moments five years later, but that could be due to current T work and opening access to memories in general.

I'm so sorry this happened to you without warning. It must have been a great shock to experience it in a space you may have thought of as safe and untriggering. I hope you are able to process it with your T.

My thoughts are with you,
kp